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I Don't Think It's Worth It Anymore..

My dad left me when I was 10 years old. Him and I were so close before; he was my best friend and my hero then next thing I know he drops me like I'm nothing and moves to Georgia to be with a woman who is now my step-mom and I dont even know anything about her! I tried SO hard to keep my family together, my brother hated my dad and still does. I'd force him to call my dad on Fathers Day, Holidays, his birthday and etc. My dad promised me when he left that he would call me every Sunday at 8pm...do you want to know how I spent my Sunday nights when I was 10 years old up to about 13 when I finally gave up? During those three years every Sunday I would sit by the phone for HOURS and wait for him to call, then when it finally hit me that he wasn't going to call I'd cry myself to sleep and go to school the next morning disappointed, feeling unloved, and unvalued. By the time I was 13 I gave up on even hoping he'd call. My relationship with my father is non existant and it KILLS me. I'm almost 18 years old and my dad has made it perfectly clear he does not care about me by saying when I'm 18 he is DONE with me.

I have so much love for my dad
But the is layered with hate, years of pain,
nights filled with tears, disappointment, and the
haunting memory of the day he left.

My dad honestly does not care about me,
I haven't been able to tell my dad I love him since
I was about 14 years old.
I'm at a point where I do not think it's worth my time
to even TRY to have a relationship with him.
How can I? He's caused me more pain than anyone else.
I'm going to be an adult in a short 3 months,
the only thing I don't want is to let that *******
and what he's done hold me back.

I'm at a loss..I really don't know what I'm supposed to do.

Btw, heres a summary of some of what he's done;
- got married behind my back and told me 5 weeks later on my 11th birthday
- made fun of me for having ADHD and needing extra help in school
- threw the fact I went to counseling cause of him in my face
- didn't care that I used to cut myself cause of him
- he's not coming to my high school graduation
- claimed I use him when I needed money for school clothes & etc cause my mom didnt have enough
- didnt call me on my 15th and 17th birthday
- on my sweet sixteen he called and thought I was only 15
- has never attended one birthday, chorus/band concert, recital, or anything for me yet he went to EVERYTHING for my brother
- he moved to a different town in Georgia and didnt tell me, so I couldnt contact him
- told me its going to be sad when hes not at my wedding, graduation or etc. (throwing it in my face)

Theres more but ugh whatever.

simplicityx simplicityx 18-21, F 2 Responses Apr 2, 2009

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Thank you for your reply. Everything you said was very true and I appreciate your feedback

i know it has been 5 years since you posted this but i only saw it today and so if you need to talk i am here

You can't have a better relationship with him if there isn't one to make better. And I can't say I blame you for all of the anger you feel. You're a lot stronger than me. I would've given up a long time ago.<br />
What you need to realize is that it's not worth it anymore. All these years, your were a child and you were playing the role of the parent in your relationship. It's so hard when your dad chooses a woman over you, I've been there. <br />
You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders, so don't let this hold you back in life. Tahnk your mom at graduation, have your brother walk you down the aisle at your wedding. Your dad will come crawling back to you when he realizes he screwed up and then you can make the decision and hold the fate of your relationship in your hands like he has all of these years.<br />
Keep your chin up.