I am 23 years old and about to graduate college. I had an abortion September 3rd. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about it. I feel like it had to have been the worst decision of my life. I feel absolutely awful, it has changed my whole aspect about life. I went on vacation to my native country and slept with my ex and shouldn't have. We were both really drunk one night and it happened. He was after me all summer and he would not leave me alone. He messaged me a week before I got there and we were talking as friends. Mind you he was already expecting a child with his girlfriend and I didn't know until mid vacation. When I found out I just congratulated him and he told me thank you and that I was going to be a step mom. I stopped contacting him and his girl doesn't live in the same country as him either by the way. Before I left is when we slept together I missed my period took a pregnancy test and it came out positive. I didn't say anything to anyone except for my cousin. My cousin eventually told the father a few days later and he called me and basically begged me not to have it. He said that everything was a mistake and what he had with me was stupid. How he couldn't do this to his little girl. And how he couldn't take this life anymore, how it was so unfair and everything was coming out wrong for him. He was so fed up and would tell me that the only thing that came to his mind was to shoot himself. He constantly repeated this to me. I was already frustrated with work and school and now this. I couldn't take it. He would make me feel so guilty. He would find a way to contact me and remind me of how many issues this would bring on him. He would say that said we could have a baby just not at this time. At the time I thought I couldn't do it alone. So I ultimately had the abortion and I feel to this day it was the worst experience of my life. I could have done if alone. I cry all the time and can't even look at a child or a pregnant woman without thinking what if. I see that he posts pictures about his girl and his soon to be born baby and it kills me. She obviously doesn't know what happened. I don't blame him for being scared. I just needed him to be there for me. The baby wasn't at fault for our actions. I just feel like I made the wrong decision. At least he has a baby I just feel alone with the guilt. :(
suelen0507 suelen0507
22-25, F
Dec 6, 2015