Trying To Please Myself For Everyone Else

Yesterday I was at school and something happened that I said didn't really phase me although it really did. I go to an alternative school which is a little section of classrooms seperated from the regular highschool. We go to lunch in the regular highschool and then return to what we call the portables afterwards. Being in an alternative school in an admittedly somewhat "ghetto" town most of the people are black or Hispanic this makes sense when i tell you that as I'm walking with my 2 friends back to our classrooms and one of the boys says "White girlss, ya'lls FAT!"
Last year i was at 170, I was heavier than that before though, until i started walking everywhere. I dropped a lot of weight FAST. Until i got really depressed and tried to kill myself. I was sent to a hospital. the hospital had horrible fatty foods that i had to eat otherwise they'd think I was starving myself too and keep me there longer. I was at the hospital for 28 days, i kept tallies on the wall, jail style, haha. I gained a good amount of weight there. And then i was transferred to another hospital. You could say it was a legitimate mental institution! I was on probation at the time and apparently my probation officer thought i was batsh*t insane! I was there for 6 months before they finally let me out. Once i was out i was around 190. But i didn't try to lose after and i just kept gaining until i was 205 or 210. And after the suicide attempt I lost touch with most of my friend and some of them just abandoned me using the suicide as a way to spread to everyone that I was crazy. So I had no reason to walk all over town anymore. I just sat at home on the computer eating.

since then, however, i've gone from about 210 to 193. It's taken a terribly long time though and right now i'm at a sort of plateau. I started waling again a little more on occasions. There's been days where i walked 10 miles in the day. Nothing for intentional exercise, just getting around. I have no car, so I walk where i need to be as long as it's close enough. My biggest issue is with my family. My mom is borderline diabetic so you'd think that she's listen when i tell her to buy healthier foods. But she never does. It doesn't help that we can't really afford the healthier things.. I'm trying, but i think it would be much easier when I can get my own place and buy my own food.
neonkittens neonkittens
13-15, F
May 19, 2012