Am I Alone?

I am finding myself to be getting more and more frustrated with everyone my age. I just broke up with my boyfriend because I felt like he was very immature, even though he is more mature than most people our age. I have experienced much in my 21 years, what with my Dad going overseas a few times and my Mom working a lot. I have two younger sisters I had to watch out for and therefore I had to grow up faster than my peers.

I rebelled a few years ago and dated a guy who enjoyed drugs and alcohol and I was brought into the world of bdsm, slaves and masters, drug abuse, and alcoholics. After that experience I could never relate to anyone my age again. Now I feel like a 40 year old stuck in a 21 year old's body and there is nothing I can do about it. I am anti-social in all it's forms. I cannot hold conversations with most teenagers and young adults because they can't relate to me in many ways. I have been neglecting friends who have been there for me for 10+ years all because they are naive compared to me.

The guy I just broke up with is very inexperienced when it comes to some areas. I felt like he couldn't perform in the bedroom and so I wasn't satisfied sexually, and when I tried to teach him some things to help him and me he would not understand and we would have to stop due to my frustration. Sex became a chore and so did our friendship and our relationship. I am now ignoring him, not because of anything he did, but because I feel much much older than he and vastly more experienced than him. Not only in the bedroom but in life as well. I know what I want to do with my life and I know where to go and how to do it from here. He is not in school, much like most of my peers because he did not put the effort into school and flunked out.

I would like to find people that I can talk to socially and have a discussion with or even just a general conversation. I want to be stimulated intellectually and emotionally. With other young adults, they do not have the emotional intelligence that I have and therefore can't read emotions or body language like I can. I have to be blunt about what I feel with them and even then all I get is "ok..." or "damn..." How would you feel if after everything you said to someone they would respond, "damn". It ****** me of to be honest. I would like actual conversations not just one word replies to everything I try to say.

I am staying home more often and my anxiety is starting to come back. I work at a department store so being anti-social is not helping me at all. My coworkers are hesitant to talk to me because I sit in the back corner by myself all the time. Although, I am very social with the people that trained me, because they are the same age as my parents and they can relate to my situation better.

I might be different from other 21 year old's because I do not enjoy the drunken party scene or the ****'s or whatever else goes on. I see no point in waking up in the morning with a blistering headache and feeling nauseous. I hope there are others that feel the same way. If you are like me I would like to hear your story and how you cope with these problems. Maybe we could even have a decent conversation lol
clr0214 clr0214
18-21, F
Dec 4, 2012