I Gained A Father Overnight

I didn't have a father growing up. I always wanted to know who my father was, but my mother never told me. He was from England, and she conceived me studying abroad, during a one-night stand apparently. SO I never knew who my father was, and my father never knew I existed.
My mother passed away on Tuesday, and the last thing she said to me was he was a doctor, and she said his name, and a quote by Rudyard Kipling:
But we that love, but we that prove/Thine excellence august,/While we adore discover more/Thee perfect, wise, and just.

The next day I searched online for him, and eventually found a man who fit the age, location, and profession of my father. I looked him up a little bit, and found his number. I didn't call him until yesterday. I called him at 10 am so he would be off work (I assumed, I didn't really know) but it wasn't too late. I thought I was going to faint. He answered the phone and said "Hello?" I thought I was going to have a heart attack. His voice was deep and hypnotic, and smooth like velvet. I could hardly muster words. "Hello?"
"Is this Dr. Niles ____?"
"Yes it is."
I was hyperventilating, and holding the phone away from my mouth so he didn't think I was panting into  it. "I don't know how to say this, but I think I'm your daughter."
He was quiet for a little while. "Who is this?"
"My name is Camilla _________, my mother was Susan _________. She was a student when you met."
"Is this a joke?" "No."
"Listen, I don't have time for..."
"She told me to tell you something." And I repeated the section of the poem. He was quiet for a really long time. He asked me how old I was, I said 23. He asked me when I as from, I said Montana. He asked if he could talk to my mother, I told him she had passed away. He told me he was sorry, and then asked if I could email him. "We'll talk again," he said before hanging up.

So I emailed him and in our correspondence he asked some questions about my mom and asked for a picture of her from college. I sent him one, and he asked me if I could fly out to England for a paternity test. We figured out some logistics, and today I got confirmation of my ticket. It's for Sunday next week. In the meantime, I'm gathering up my life, all the paperwork, all my things, and saying my goodbyes (I have to call my best friend and tell her I'm not coming back to Seattle). I always thought finding my father would give me a sense of who I am, but I feel so lost.
cosmicspeck cosmicspeck
22-25, F
May 4, 2012