I Am Trying to Save My Marriage

Help I Am Desperate And Lost

By: tekers

Written on May 8th, 2011

Then recently she had another affair with another man. I believe this one is physical she says it is not. But she went on a weekend with him out of town and exchanges hundreds of texts with him. So I believe it is physical. Also I have been controlling mostly through insecurity fear of losing her. I am irresponsible with money though I have always been open about this. I have many flaws and not many are endearing. Her leaving was a serious wake up call for me. She told me I did many things I never realized I did or were that serious. So because of this I began therapy and am working hard on my issues and resolving them or learning methods of coping and active listening. I really care about what she thinks and feels about our status. I have tried extremely hard to acquire a job and think I have succeeded. We have a 20 month old daughter she is the light of my life I have been a stay at home dad for quite awhile now. So I wake her up take care of her all day untill Mom gets home. She took her and my time with my missapotomus is next to nothing now and this is not just breaking my heart but I actually believe it is killing me. She has been why I wake up to take care of her and see her smile it warms my heart and makes me have deeper meaning. When she come home she says dada home my room and goes in and plays with her toys. She also carries around a picture of Jill and I and says mamada home. Then looks at me and says mama home and it breaks my heart. I have a hard time holding it together and usually lose it at least once a day with her. She also walks around and looks for mom. I cannot sleep and am usually awake almost all night. The only way I can is either with her stuffed animals or one of Jill's robes or shirts because they smell like her and give me some sort of hope. I miss ally and Jill I lived my life for my two women. I truly love Jill and only wish to rectify my mistakes and improve my marriage. I would never repeat my past mistakes as I now have better skills for coping and dealing than before. I am enrolling in a financial education course as soon as I have the money to learn to budget better. I am only interested in saving my marriage I really want to because I love her unconditionally. But I am really lonely. Does anyone here think I should keep trying to save my marriage or am I just crazy for thinking it is impossible today. help or advice appreciated

By: tekers

Age: 26-30 , Male

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3 responses

totallytea

You need to show her you are strong. Women don't want a man who is weak. They want someone who can take charge when they need to and be soft too. You need to find that balance. If you are codependant start having a life outside of your wife's. Start with yourself and show her you are not a man to stay down. Put your head up and be confident in who you are. When she sees you are not the same man it will change her opinion of you. Take baby steps toward loving yourself because until you love yourself, how can anyone else love you. I hope things work out for you.

May 28, 2011
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Invisible2unow

Tekers, I now understand more. I sent you a msg, I didn't know that your daughter was gone also. I am so sorry she took her from you also.

I am very proud of you for admitting your flaws and weaknesses and doing something about them. A lot of men are too proud to admit they have anything wrong with them, they say it makes them weak. I commend you on being so open about how you can improve yourself, and taking the steps to do that. I am also glad you're in therapy. I'm glad you have a 3rd party that can listen and give you advice. It will also help you in the future if this relationship doesn't work out; you can start fresh with someone else and not make the same mistakes.

I don't know if your marriage is worth saving? I can't tell you that. What I can tell you is that you are worth saving and you need to be strong to fight for your daughter. It sounds like she is pointing out all of your defects and weaknesses and none of her own? Has she taken any accountability for the relationship failing? It sounds like she's saying it's all your fault?

All I can say is that you have gone above and beyond to show her that you love her and you are willing to save the marriage; Only time will tell now.

Please try to eat and take care of yourself, if not for you, do it for your daughter's smiling face :) Please keep me updated...

May 13, 2011
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phoenix2011

you are not crazy, i wanted my marriage to work even when i knew he had his girlfriend living with him. I slept with his shirts, then would get mad at myself for sleeping with them. It all hurts very much. Continue with the therapy if you get a good one then you are set. I don't think i could have gotten where i am with out my therapist. She backed me up on my choices on what i did for my kids and she told me things like i don't have to answer the phone everytime he calls. She is helping me learn a lot about my self as a person.

I am still hurt over my husband leaving me, but i no longer want to be with him anymore.

May 8, 2011
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