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Worst Day Of My Life

Yesterda my wife and I decided it was time to let the kids in on our marriage troubles.  Well,  to those who have told me that the kids know what is going on, you were dead wrong.  Both of my kids were in total shock.   My son hit the floor screaming and it went into a 5-10 minute outburst of how families work out problems, and if you love someone you dont divorce them you work it,  he said we are adults but we are acting like kids........I was in shock, I didnt know what to say.  I do still love my wife, she is the one that fell out of love with me.  My daughter just sat there in shock for 5 minutes.  THen she started yelling WHY  WHY  WHY,  she then focused her rage on my wife, blaming her new job and her new found friend who she has gone out with lately, then she ran out the door.  It was absolutey horrifying to see the look and the pain they were going thru.  I broke down and cried, but I cant say  that my wife showed much emotion.  I was completely devastated.   We finally got them calmed down but it was only because they realized no body is going anywhere yet.  They know we are WORKING on it.  <---truth be known,  I was the only one that worked on it,  I did what the counselor advised,  my wife never has and I dont think she ever will,  she has checked out mentally and emotionally.   Last night both of my kids were in save the marriage mode.  They continuously reminded mom and dad how much they love us.  We made sure they know this has nothing to do with them.  We will both love them equally, no matter what happens.   It will be a day by day thing now.  In my mind,  I have given my wife till December to decide what she wants.  That will be the one year mark since she told me that she doesnt love me.  The counselor told me that I must give it one year for the sake of the children and that is what I will do.   Unfortunately I dont think it can be saved.
rob31rob31 rob31rob31 41-45, M 8 Responses Sep 11, 2011

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Every man who has made the decision to leave his SM has my utmost respect.<br />
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Instead of working on the marriage, you could start working on how to deliver the news to your kids. There are plenty resources on the Internet. Do you have to introducte the divorce as divorce right away? How about moving out because of your work? Let them get used to the changes in your life step by step.<br />
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Best of luck.

So sorry Rob. I can only imagine how difficult this was for you. Children are resilient and if both parents stay in their lives and they know they are loved by both they will be ok. I know how hard you have tried to make it work and someday your kids will realize that as well. Take care of yourself as well. You also count and have a right to be happy.

You told me that you did this but I didn't know much of the details. Sorry Rob, that you had to do this. Just hang in there and be there for your children. I know what you are going through and your story really hit home for me. Keeping you in my prayers.<br />
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mike

That was also the hardest day of my life. I am so sorry for your pain Rob, and your kids pain. They are the innocent causalities. I know your kids are younger than mine, and maybe you did a better job shielding them than I did (more my wife that made no effort to shield them). Mine certainly knew what was coming, nonetheless, it sucked. I can't help but cry whenever I have the talk with them too. No shame in that Rob.<br />
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It is so important to do just the things you have been doing. Just remind them that it is not their fault, you love them, both of you, you are very proud of them and you will always be there for them. They need to feel their lives will be as secure and safe as possible. <br />
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I have them seeing a counselor. It helps to have a trusted 3rd party help them understand. If you have a Pastor or other church support that can be a great help to them and to you. <br />
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“She’s just checked out”, “unemotional” sounds just like my wife. God only knows what is so important to them that they are willing to sacrifice the marriage over. But when only one has any care, any interest in working on it, the options become limited.<br />
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I wish the best for your kids and you, and you know you can always count on me if you need to talk.

So sorry to hear about your kids reaction. Let them grieve they have just lost a huge part of their life. I agree with others that they need a independent third party to speak with about this process. <br />
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For your part marriage takes two to make and only one to break - one party can't save it on their own. You did your part. <br />
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Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. ~Unknown

Your kids reactions are admirable. I'm speechless because I will be going through the same ordeal soon. We are still working on it. I sense and feel it's hopeless. Work with it day by day, that's the best chance you have. Take care!!

I really don't know how to help you. Are your kids in councling? Maybe they'll need it later on if you do get divorced. They have free ones in my area for kids with parents going through divorce, maybe check and see if there is one in your area. You're a great dad, and keep being there for them. I will be praying for you all.

I agree, telling the kids is the hardest thing. It was the worst day of my life too. The most important thing you can do is be there for your kids and do your best to get along with your wife for the remainder of your time as a couple. It sounds as if you are not going to reconcile. If that's the case, try to make a pact with your wife not to bad-mouth each other in front of the kids and figure out how you can work together to create some stability for the children. It won't be easy, but it will make it possible for you to get through to a better place.