My Husband Says He's Not Sure If He Ever Loved MeI am 43 years old and have been with my husband for 23 years; married for 13. Of course we've had our ups and downs, but we've always had a good marriage. Well, that is what I thought. About five days ago, I knew there was something on my husband's mind. When I asked what was wrong, I expected to get the same answer as I always have in the past; "I'm just really stressed out about work and all the other obligations I have". This time, however, I was hit by a bus. My husband told me that he's unsure if he loves me and hasn't been sure since we got married. He says that he doesn't have the feelings for me that he thinks he should. He married me thinking he would grow to love me and it hasn't happened. I personally think he is just confused because of his childhood. He grew up in an abusive household where the only emotion expressed was anger. Anything more than that was suppressed. My husband has always been a very logical guy and has never really expressed his emotions, but I accepted that and love him regardless.
He told me that he wants to move out for a while to get his thoughts in order and to see if he "misses" me while he's gone, because, for a while now he has not wanted to come home. My problem with this is, for the last 20 years or so , he has always been so busy that we don't spend a lot of time together as it is. How can him leaving help anything? What is he running away from...me?
What is confusing me is that he keeps saying our marriage has not been bad and I have done nothing wrong. There is no other woman, which I belive because there is no reason to lie now. The BIG SECRET is out. He knows how much I love him and has said that I've always been a good wife. What is happening? What has happened to my best friend, my lover, my whole world?
I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't think straight, I haven't been to work in a week and I can not stop the tears. I am so afraid of losing him and have been begging him not to leave. However, it is his plan to leave this weekend. I feel as if he's taken my past, my memories, my love and has tossed it all aside. My future, which I have always believed would be with him growing old together and enjoying life is very uncertain.
My head is telling me to be angry at this man who has essentially been lying to me all these years, but my heart is so in love with him and afraid to lose him.
Does anyone out there understand where he is coming from or can give me some advise? I'm dying inside.
GA715 41-45, F 7 Responses 0 Oct 29, 2011