Heaven Lost

Do you think there is any possibility of reconciliation. Do you think once you cross a certain line that there is no going back? Can love be rekindled? I think it can but it takes both parties to want it and not go through the motions. If this is the case how can counseling work? My wife wants to go to counseling even says that if we don't it will be over. How can I not feel it is all over already if she says she has no feelings, and no love for me? I want my marriage. I feel my love is bleeding out of me. I'm trying to remain positive. With the holiday approaching I don't see getting to a counselor for over a week. Every time we talk I feel I make it worse. I keep pushing, trying, crying. I know we can do this if she were committed. I also know we both have underlying problems like depression and my own insecurity. This is the second marriage for both of us. We were both cheated on by our spouses. All she does now is text her friends and spends time on the computer when she is home. For all I know she is having an affair right in front of me and our daughter in the living room. I don't know what to do. I am falling apart. Day by day I feel her drifting farther and farther apart. I can't fix anything. i can fix myself but is it too late? Is there any hope in all this? How long can I keep going without talking to anyone. How long can I keep going on a piece of toast a day... I can't walk away, my family, my daughter and my wife mean the world to me. How do I get heaven back when heaven has been lost? Have I pushed her so far away that there is no recovery, she makes it seem so. Am I a horrible person for all that I have done? Do I deserve all this? I feel I have, I think I am, I believe I do...................................