I Have Intrusive Thoughts!!! Help!!

Hello World! I am Twenty Three Year Old women seeking help from others who may understand more what is going on with me.. Sense I was 16 years old, I have been in 2 horrible relationships with abusive men also you typical meat head who thinks nothing is wrong with them. and In that time I lost my son Dylan who was born premature and died due to low white blood cells, and could not fight infection. Both of my abusers could have very well left me for dead. I come from a good family and a have been blessed with friends.

 

I was standing at work, I worked in a pharmacy, and I was still in the relationship I should NOT have been in, and I had a sexual thought about a young girl freaked out, and have been pretty much having intrusive thoughts sexually, about children, I think the child thing bothers me more so I am more hurt and focused on it, and now its become overwhelming, and depressing, I did have anxiety when I was young, and had panic attacks alot!! and I use to fear that I was gay and I know the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and its very stressful. I hate feeling this way, and I try to go with the flow, but it hurts to know that I want these thoughts gone..

 

I am now in a healthy relationship with a good looking understanding guy, I spend more time with my bestfriend and family as much as I can but these thoughts maybe holding me back from recovery. I fear what if I act on the thought, I feel guilty, and I just want out of it.

Help if you can..

 

Intusivethinker123 Intusivethinker123
22-25, F
2 Responses Feb 17, 2010

I have a suggestion but, I noticed this date of the OP and perhaps you are not here or are no longer in need of this advice?
Take care and if you are here, let me know if you wish,
how you are doing.

Hi Intrusive Thinker: I'm going to do my best to help you out a bit. Hopefully, I'll set you in the right direction so you can take over from here. Forgive me if I bounce around a bit because my mother was battered, and it didn't end so well. Good thing you've moved on before it got worse or you got to the point where that's what you thought you deserved. So, good for you. There's a victory.<br />
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My guess is you've exhausted yourself. That's usually when you get to the point where anxiety really steps up and takes you into a state of fear.'<br />
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I'd like to assure you this will pass. You won't do anything stupid or act on your thoughts. That's a big fear because sometimes it feels so real. This is all a symptom of stress and anxiety. Weird how it comes worse when life starts to get a bit better. You have spent so many years in fear, you're mind is used to it. Now your mind is saying, watch out, something must be wrong (even though there's nothing wrong). <br />
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Lots of people have stories just like you, including me.<br />
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I'd say get some cognitive behavioural therapy. It will help you peel away the la<x>yers of stress. That's what really has to happen, step by step peeling the la<x>yers of stress. But its real real hard when this stuff is going thru your mind.<br />
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I think they have to fade away. You sorta have to get used to them and not be afraid. Easier said than done, I know. But when you work on yourself. Drop the fear a little at a time, it gets easier because you start realizing improvement and it feels pretty good. You'll have days where you look back and say, hmmn, I didn't have that thought for a few hours, or hmmmn. I didn't have that feeling in my body for awhile.<br />
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you'll bw fine. There's no magic pill. I recommend some reading to start - Feeling Good by David Burns. Mind over mood is a cbt book you could do with a therapist like i did. <br />
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If you like, you can sign up to my mini info series from my webpage.<br />
www.freeintrusivethoughtsocd.com<br />
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I'm sure between this bit of info I provided and that, you'll get some ideas and get going in the right direction. <br />
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You drink coffee? Stop it. All you're doing is adding anxiety - the very feelings you don't want.<br />
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Take care, D