How To Write An Angry Letter

My, my, it seems that that I've "struck a nerve" here by asking that people refrain from misrepresenting themselves, either thru unintentional ignorance or deliberate deception. The curious thing is that, instead of simply commenting (BELOW), these hyper-sensitive individuals feel compelled to express their indignant vitriol off-list and anonymously (gee, what a suprise!) via some woefully misspelled (we won't even get started on the grammatical errors and missing punctuation!) hate mail.

Don't hate me because I'm Mensa. LOL!

With that said, I'm posting an "open letter" in response to all my "fans" out there in the land of self-denial.

Read on and discuss?

Cyndi's Advice for Angry Letter Writers.

1) As you obviously already understand, e-mails that are written entirely in capitals impress me with their emotional intensity. I would therefore advise that you adopt this form of communication for all your future correspondence, particularly job applications.

2) An e-mail can never have enough exclamation points. They strengthen any argument. For example, at the Chicago Tribune, letters to the editor are prioritized for publication entirely by the number of exclamation points. You used 89, which would ordinarily just barely get you on a waiting list for publication. James Dobson always uses at least 250 - 300.

3) You should try to be more inclusive in your use of racial, ethnic and sexual slurs. Your letter contained only one reference to sexual orientation, only one racial insult and only one ethnic disparagement. I'm sure you can do better. Here are some hints: New Zealanders call Pacific Islanders "coconuts"; Australians call East Indians "currymunchers"; the British call Afro-Caribbeans "golliwogs"; French Canadians call the English "squareheads"; aborigines call white people "gwubs"; and when they do something stupid, Jews call each other "goisher kopf," which means "gentile brain." "Non-dairy creamer" is a North American term for a woman, trans or cis, with obvious breast implants. Sprinkle these terms through your letters, particularly in correspondence with clergymen and law enforcement.

And finally:
4) You correctly perceive that ANY message will be bolstered by assurance that you are a loyal American, but you do not go far enough. Do you seriously think that merely declaring yourself a " straight, proud American patriot" is enough to persuade readers that you are not secretly a terrorist, a traitor, a homo or possibly even a liberal? In the future, try to include the number of Confederate flags that displayed on your rotting porch, a list of your misspelled tattoos, and at least two examples of your ability to photoshop Sarah Palin's head onto the bodies of naked teenagers.

Rock on, and don't forget to always wear clean panties.
tgcyndi tgcyndi
36-40, T
1 Response Aug 13, 2010


Well, "goyische kopf" is an interesting phrase. I suppose you could translate kopf as head, at least in the sense of world view. If you take goyische to mean only gentile, you're missing a lot of the meaning. Are you a Member of the Tribe and very polite and a little cagey? It's a word I rarely use, and almost never around non Jewish friends just because it's so insulting.