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Sad To Become Fortyish

i'll be 39 this year and sad of turning forty next year..at 38 my life is upside down..I left my career,resigned from a high-paying job of ten years to be domesticated to save my marriage but it didn't do anything. This year before having my birthday in october, I have to start all over again from scratch..I have two kids and they're still so young.  My husband supports them even if we're not together anymore.  We have a business which he handles alone because I was the one who left our home though It's my money which started that business. I earned more than he did before. I'm living with my kids in my mother's home. I really have to get back to work because the money he's giving me is not enough, I am not used of having just a limited amount every week to pay for everything. I hope before turning forty, I can arrange my life the way it should be like those times when am still working, not worrying about money-so I can give a comfortable life to my kids with or without my husband's help because I dreaded everytime he visits and indirectly saying that I'm a big spender. I cannot even buy my cosmetics/toiletries now because I have to prioritze the needs of my children. It's  a big adjustment but I have to deal with it than living with my husband under the same roof to endure the agony of being an unfit wife for a philandering man. I enjoy the company of my kids and  being away from him  is so much refreshing.  I just have to kick back my career and find a nice job  to complete  my life. I hope it happens and wish everything  falls into right places before I turn forty.
0fairytalePrincess 0fairytalePrincess 36-40, F 107 Responses Jun 7, 2010

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Good LUCK, make is come true

I think at forty, your really begins. The same thing happened to me at around that time, and it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. Yes, like you I have to change my priorities, but it's a small price to pay. I went from living in a 3 bedroom bungalow to social housing. I still don't regret it 4 years later

I know this is old post, but your story inspired me if it makes you feel better I am going to be twenty eight years old. I haven't ever had a girlfriend .I work a dead end job to pay the bill. I finished college with a BA and am working in food service. I never knew what I wanted to do with life. I feel I dont fit in to the world. I have a few friends a car hopethis helps

I didn't get married till I was your age to my wife who is only a few years younger than I am. We now have two wonderful daughters who will be leaving for college in a few months. I've been laid off from several jobs in a row and had to take a large pay cut to get my present job that I've been at for over two years now without a raise. So life has had it's ups and downs for me, but it's been worthwhile. If I could find love and start a family in my middle age for the first time I'd hope others could also for the second time. Good luck and bless you.

Three things;<br />
1. Talk to a divorce lawyer NOW, even if you aren't getting a divorce so he can provide you with some strategies in case you do decide to divorce.<br />
2. Look up Dr. Wayne Dyer and READ...it's what you need in your life right now.<br />
3. Move on with your life for YOURSELF, it is the best thing for you AND your children. <br />
I know it seems like your getting "old" and your life IS in turmoil right now, but you need to focus on what is good and right in your life. Don't be like me; turning 50, one son dead one living across the country with your only grandchild that you've never met, all alone. All because I didn't take the time in my life to stop and consider ME in my life. Good luck and hugs!

Joyce Meyer says : if you could go to store and Buy a can ormf mirCles<br />
Would you? Well we All have miracles vdcsusd they come in cAns not in cants! I love this saying <br />
You CAN!! believe you can and will<br />
Get up in the morning sbd sAy god I can thru you all is possible and I have the right as your child to receive ! Meditate positive thoughts<br />
Honey ads us a number I M 46 in october I Swear I feel 30 and feeling that has people in aw when I tell my age!!!! I hope your not an atheist ! Lol ... I love Joyce Meyer for positive thinking sbd encouragement!!!! I know you will succeed !

I hate to sound hard hearted but you have to think of your kids and your future. If he is running a business set up on your money then see a lawyer and tell him you want the money back. If he is in the wrong in this scenario and has broken his marriage vows then you should not be the one to suffer. I bought up my kids on my own and worked, it is hard work but with a supportive family it is not impossible. You are a strong woman and good things will come your way.

Best Of Luck

" I enjoy the company of my kids and being away from him is so much refreshing "<br />
<br />
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yes it is , some people are such a pain

its never to late to do anything..

I started from scratch again at forty, and as one glimmer of hope for you, by the time I turned 50 I was a new woman embracing a new life ! Oh I should say, I gave up my career (willingly) at 39 when I unexpectedly became pregnant - we had given up - but alas, the marriage declined rapidly because HE wasn't up for the severe change in lifestyle a baby brings to a career couple. By the time I was 50 my child was 10 and less dependent, I was getting used to life as a single parent and embracing it.<br />
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All the best, these years will carve out your character and make you a rock solid woman and mother.

My daughter just got married and is now moving away to go to graduate school. I have given my whole life to her(and am very glad I did!), but now I must start all over- my entire identity was 'mom' and 'wife'. Now though I am still of course those things, they will not longer take up physical space or time in my day to day existence and I must find a way to fill that day to day life. I have a job that I am not happy about. I have a social work degree from another country (Canada) and 2 years of a masters degree but that was done 10 or more years ago so now I am starting over from scratch. It is going to be tough- I feel like I am starting a whole new second life. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I think there must be many of us out there and it would be nice to start a group on here for people like us!

I don't know why people have not realised yet that you "can" work from home. There is such a thing as conference call on skype and even with google plus. There is also a thing called the internet so why not do all of your work from home. It means you can stay domestic if you have to, but still work for a living.

Thanks for this - I'm in a similar situation but thank god I have kept my well paid part time job - but am constantly counting pennies because my husband won't bother to get a full time job. As soon as my daughters older we will throw him out. But as I'm an only child and my family have all passed away I'm too scared to go it alone. Xxx

funny grass allways greener on other side. when married always jelious cause off single friends that can come and go as pklease. when single. jelious that others going home to a loved one me emty house. just have to make best off what ever your situation is. life to short relax and enjoy!

i can understand and i really want to help you find a good job... send me your details.<br />
<br />
Regards<br />
Maya

How has it gone for you...interested in an update

Turning 40 is a mind set. Everybody I know said turning 40 is the worst thing. Well.... I decided it was going to be the best yr of my life and it was. One of my best friends said to me when I was turning the big 50 and I was down in the mouth about it. You need to be greatfull, thankfull you are still alive as many of our friends died b 4 their 50th birthday and she is so right. I'm happy to still be alive and plan to make the best I can of it. I wish you all the best and by the way it known as the naughty fourties so enjoy.

"Life is but 10% of living, the other 90% is how you react to the living." You will get through this. The last thing on your mind should be your age. It should be more about getting happy, healthy and financially stable for your children.

It is better to turn 40 than to not turn 40.

40ish! I have hit the wall on this horrid number and well, those who say its just a number, are like twenty something hipsters living in their mothers ba<x>sements smoking American Spirits and philosophiesing the next frogger move they wont take. I am in the process of reemerging back into society and feel like a fish out of water, Literally! I am horrified at times ,completely Kinnearing the mantra in question form, "what if this is as good as it gets"? Only to respond in mind all Nicholson-esque stating"I would rather stick needles in my eyes"!. These are no terms of endearment, meant for anyone to learn or develope. I too fear the lack of means to buy simple things like toilet paper or conditioner. I mean... ***! How Em I going to purge and PURGE with out these critical necessities! ?!?!

You sound like a very smart woman. Considering were living past 103 years now, you have time to take a breath. You seem to know what you want, and go for a job that'll fulfil you. Meaning make you feel you're doing good, as well as feeling that you're making a difference. I got into nursing for this reason. I love it. I don't get along with a lot of people I find, I'm not sure why, I guess I'm just different. But Im good with emotions and sensing how people feel. And I guess that's what makes me good at looking after them. What are you good at? What makes you happy to do? Think about it, you can make a difference :)

Hi my names Eben and I'm 18 I don't know what you're going through but.. I do hope you and your kids find happiness before you turn 40 haha :)

Do not dwell on becoming 40. Just get off the pity me horse and live your life the way you want and love to. You have all of the right tools to do it. You have the experience and the support. Thank your lucky stars that you have these things to help get you going again! So many women our age has had to start over with much much less than what you have. Many have no work experience and no education. Many get no help from ex husbands even with children they get no support! Use what you have before its gone! You are still young enough to be taken seriously in a new job, and still young enough to live life and enjoy! Just remember to learn from all your experiences good and bad. That is what makes ageing tolerable. Because as we learn we grow, usually in good ways. I always say I get better as I get older and its so true! And I have far less to go on than you do it seems! Dont worry! Be happy! Forty is not so bad, trust me... Im forty ...something, but I dont mind! I love me! I would never go back to being younger!

I've been on my own for quite a while. I have found my daughter and that is ALL I need. would it be nice to have a spouse again? but I darn well don't need one to complete me or make me a whole person!!! A wife is NOT my priority, my daughter is. Teaching her, guiding her and getting to know her. having her be the very bests she can be, teaching her to be as proud of herself as I am of her. At the moment the only thing I need a woman for is to show my daughter what a normal healthy relationship is.<br />
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Money, material things and anything else you could think of or want? I can always get more of them and so can you! oh, by the way, 40 is just a number, who cares! (and it certainly isn't old if that is what you are thinking.)

I loved turning 40, even if it was five years ago (LOL). At this point in my life I have decided I am OK with it. My life changed drastically when I was forced to retire for medical reasons.I feel like I had to re-invent ME just to get thru teh new complications in my world. My kids are almost all grown, and doing their own thing. I like where I am emotionally. My health is always an issue and we deal with those changes as they come. I accept that the nature of my illnes is unsteady at best and unrelenting. So I do all that I can and ask for help when I need it. and I keep on keepin' on!!

I feel for you! I'm in a similar situation though I'm 30. I had to kind of "start over" last year when I left my boyfriend of five years. I felt bad doing it all at 30, I can only imagine how you feel at 40. You have at least been successful so you know how to do it. I haven't really been successful myself. I've done enough and I've lived through my ex bf's success. Stupid move. I'm thankful my daughter is almost 13 because I can't imagine doing this with young children. Keep your head up and never give up! You know what it takes and you'll get there again :)

I would marry you :)

I was there once doing that forty thing, but forty was a piece of cake compared to fifty. Now I'm fifty-four and I can feel myself going through changes, not just on the inside, but on the outside as well. But I tell myself that it had to happen sooner or later, or that it just had to happen. It's all about time, and the sad thing is, the older we get the less we have of it to do those things we wish we'd done way back when, and there is no going back. I'm sort of glad of that because I didn't really like it much back there anyway. I guess when you finally do reach that place in your life, like me, you'll probably discover that it really wasn't so bad after all. Here's to wishing you all the best going forward, and especially with all that other stuff in your life. :)

thanks for the best wishes. I turned 40 and I was happy.

Is this person even still here???

I doubt it. It was 6 months ago now - lol!!

Yep, am still here. Alive and kicking.