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Sad To Become Fortyish

i'll be 39 this year and sad of turning forty next 38 my life is upside down..I left my career,resigned from a high-paying job of ten years to be domesticated to save my marriage but it didn't do anything. This year before having my birthday in october, I have to start all over again from scratch..I have two kids and they're still so young.  My husband supports them even if we're not together anymore.  We have a business which he handles alone because I was the one who left our home though It's my money which started that business. I earned more than he did before. I'm living with my kids in my mother's home. I really have to get back to work because the money he's giving me is not enough, I am not used of having just a limited amount every week to pay for everything. I hope before turning forty, I can arrange my life the way it should be like those times when am still working, not worrying about money-so I can give a comfortable life to my kids with or without my husband's help because I dreaded everytime he visits and indirectly saying that I'm a big spender. I cannot even buy my cosmetics/toiletries now because I have to prioritze the needs of my children. It's  a big adjustment but I have to deal with it than living with my husband under the same roof to endure the agony of being an unfit wife for a philandering man. I enjoy the company of my kids and  being away from him  is so much refreshing.  I just have to kick back my career and find a nice job  to complete  my life. I hope it happens and wish everything  falls into right places before I turn forty.
0fairytalePrincess 0fairytalePrincess 36-40, F 102 Responses Jun 7, 2010

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Good LUCK, make is come true

I think at forty, your really begins. The same thing happened to me at around that time, and it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. Yes, like you I have to change my priorities, but it's a small price to pay. I went from living in a 3 bedroom bungalow to social housing. I still don't regret it 4 years later

I know this is old post, but your story inspired me if it makes you feel better I am going to be twenty eight years old. I haven't ever had a girlfriend .I work a dead end job to pay the bill. I finished college with a BA and am working in food service. I never knew what I wanted to do with life. I feel I dont fit in to the world. I have a few friends a car hopethis helps

I didn't get married till I was your age to my wife who is only a few years younger than I am. We now have two wonderful daughters who will be leaving for college in a few months. I've been laid off from several jobs in a row and had to take a large pay cut to get my present job that I've been at for over two years now without a raise. So life has had it's ups and downs for me, but it's been worthwhile. If I could find love and start a family in my middle age for the first time I'd hope others could also for the second time. Good luck and bless you.

Three things;<br />
1. Talk to a divorce lawyer NOW, even if you aren't getting a divorce so he can provide you with some strategies in case you do decide to divorce.<br />
2. Look up Dr. Wayne Dyer and's what you need in your life right now.<br />
3. Move on with your life for YOURSELF, it is the best thing for you AND your children. <br />
I know it seems like your getting "old" and your life IS in turmoil right now, but you need to focus on what is good and right in your life. Don't be like me; turning 50, one son dead one living across the country with your only grandchild that you've never met, all alone. All because I didn't take the time in my life to stop and consider ME in my life. Good luck and hugs!

Joyce Meyer says : if you could go to store and Buy a can ormf mirCles<br />
Would you? Well we All have miracles vdcsusd they come in cAns not in cants! I love this saying <br />
You CAN!! believe you can and will<br />
Get up in the morning sbd sAy god I can thru you all is possible and I have the right as your child to receive ! Meditate positive thoughts<br />
Honey ads us a number I M 46 in october I Swear I feel 30 and feeling that has people in aw when I tell my age!!!! I hope your not an atheist ! Lol ... I love Joyce Meyer for positive thinking sbd encouragement!!!! I know you will succeed !

I hate to sound hard hearted but you have to think of your kids and your future. If he is running a business set up on your money then see a lawyer and tell him you want the money back. If he is in the wrong in this scenario and has broken his marriage vows then you should not be the one to suffer. I bought up my kids on my own and worked, it is hard work but with a supportive family it is not impossible. You are a strong woman and good things will come your way.

Best Of Luck

" I enjoy the company of my kids and being away from him is so much refreshing "<br />
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yes it is , some people are such a pain

its never to late to do anything..

I started from scratch again at forty, and as one glimmer of hope for you, by the time I turned 50 I was a new woman embracing a new life ! Oh I should say, I gave up my career (willingly) at 39 when I unexpectedly became pregnant - we had given up - but alas, the marriage declined rapidly because HE wasn't up for the severe change in lifestyle a baby brings to a career couple. By the time I was 50 my child was 10 and less dependent, I was getting used to life as a single parent and embracing it.<br />
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All the best, these years will carve out your character and make you a rock solid woman and mother.

My daughter just got married and is now moving away to go to graduate school. I have given my whole life to her(and am very glad I did!), but now I must start all over- my entire identity was 'mom' and 'wife'. Now though I am still of course those things, they will not longer take up physical space or time in my day to day existence and I must find a way to fill that day to day life. I have a job that I am not happy about. I have a social work degree from another country (Canada) and 2 years of a masters degree but that was done 10 or more years ago so now I am starting over from scratch. It is going to be tough- I feel like I am starting a whole new second life. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I think there must be many of us out there and it would be nice to start a group on here for people like us!

I don't know why people have not realised yet that you "can" work from home. There is such a thing as conference call on skype and even with google plus. There is also a thing called the internet so why not do all of your work from home. It means you can stay domestic if you have to, but still work for a living.

Thanks for this - I'm in a similar situation but thank god I have kept my well paid part time job - but am constantly counting pennies because my husband won't bother to get a full time job. As soon as my daughters older we will throw him out. But as I'm an only child and my family have all passed away I'm too scared to go it alone. Xxx

funny grass allways greener on other side. when married always jelious cause off single friends that can come and go as pklease. when single. jelious that others going home to a loved one me emty house. just have to make best off what ever your situation is. life to short relax and enjoy!

i can understand and i really want to help you find a good job... send me your details.<br />
<br />
Regards<br />

Turning 40 is a mind set. Everybody I know said turning 40 is the worst thing. Well.... I decided it was going to be the best yr of my life and it was. One of my best friends said to me when I was turning the big 50 and I was down in the mouth about it. You need to be greatfull, thankfull you are still alive as many of our friends died b 4 their 50th birthday and she is so right. I'm happy to still be alive and plan to make the best I can of it. I wish you all the best and by the way it known as the naughty fourties so enjoy.

"Life is but 10% of living, the other 90% is how you react to the living." You will get through this. The last thing on your mind should be your age. It should be more about getting happy, healthy and financially stable for your children.

It is better to turn 40 than to not turn 40.

40ish! I have hit the wall on this horrid number and well, those who say its just a number, are like twenty something hipsters living in their mothers ba<x>sements smoking American Spirits and philosophiesing the next frogger move they wont take. I am in the process of reemerging back into society and feel like a fish out of water, Literally! I am horrified at times ,completely Kinnearing the mantra in question form, "what if this is as good as it gets"? Only to respond in mind all Nicholson-esque stating"I would rather stick needles in my eyes"!. These are no terms of endearment, meant for anyone to learn or develope. I too fear the lack of means to buy simple things like toilet paper or conditioner. I mean... ***! How Em I going to purge and PURGE with out these critical necessities! ?!?!

You sound like a very smart woman. Considering were living past 103 years now, you have time to take a breath. You seem to know what you want, and go for a job that'll fulfil you. Meaning make you feel you're doing good, as well as feeling that you're making a difference. I got into nursing for this reason. I love it. I don't get along with a lot of people I find, I'm not sure why, I guess I'm just different. But Im good with emotions and sensing how people feel. And I guess that's what makes me good at looking after them. What are you good at? What makes you happy to do? Think about it, you can make a difference :)

Hi my names Eben and I'm 18 I don't know what you're going through but.. I do hope you and your kids find happiness before you turn 40 haha :)

Do not dwell on becoming 40. Just get off the pity me horse and live your life the way you want and love to. You have all of the right tools to do it. You have the experience and the support. Thank your lucky stars that you have these things to help get you going again! So many women our age has had to start over with much much less than what you have. Many have no work experience and no education. Many get no help from ex husbands even with children they get no support! Use what you have before its gone! You are still young enough to be taken seriously in a new job, and still young enough to live life and enjoy! Just remember to learn from all your experiences good and bad. That is what makes ageing tolerable. Because as we learn we grow, usually in good ways. I always say I get better as I get older and its so true! And I have far less to go on than you do it seems! Dont worry! Be happy! Forty is not so bad, trust me... Im forty ...something, but I dont mind! I love me! I would never go back to being younger!

I've been on my own for quite a while. I have found my daughter and that is ALL I need. would it be nice to have a spouse again? but I darn well don't need one to complete me or make me a whole person!!! A wife is NOT my priority, my daughter is. Teaching her, guiding her and getting to know her. having her be the very bests she can be, teaching her to be as proud of herself as I am of her. At the moment the only thing I need a woman for is to show my daughter what a normal healthy relationship is.<br />
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Money, material things and anything else you could think of or want? I can always get more of them and so can you! oh, by the way, 40 is just a number, who cares! (and it certainly isn't old if that is what you are thinking.)

I loved turning 40, even if it was five years ago (LOL). At this point in my life I have decided I am OK with it. My life changed drastically when I was forced to retire for medical reasons.I feel like I had to re-invent ME just to get thru teh new complications in my world. My kids are almost all grown, and doing their own thing. I like where I am emotionally. My health is always an issue and we deal with those changes as they come. I accept that the nature of my illnes is unsteady at best and unrelenting. So I do all that I can and ask for help when I need it. and I keep on keepin' on!!

I feel for you! I'm in a similar situation though I'm 30. I had to kind of "start over" last year when I left my boyfriend of five years. I felt bad doing it all at 30, I can only imagine how you feel at 40. You have at least been successful so you know how to do it. I haven't really been successful myself. I've done enough and I've lived through my ex bf's success. Stupid move. I'm thankful my daughter is almost 13 because I can't imagine doing this with young children. Keep your head up and never give up! You know what it takes and you'll get there again :)

I would marry you :)

I was there once doing that forty thing, but forty was a piece of cake compared to fifty. Now I'm fifty-four and I can feel myself going through changes, not just on the inside, but on the outside as well. But I tell myself that it had to happen sooner or later, or that it just had to happen. It's all about time, and the sad thing is, the older we get the less we have of it to do those things we wish we'd done way back when, and there is no going back. I'm sort of glad of that because I didn't really like it much back there anyway. I guess when you finally do reach that place in your life, like me, you'll probably discover that it really wasn't so bad after all. Here's to wishing you all the best going forward, and especially with all that other stuff in your life. :)

thanks for the best wishes. I turned 40 and I was happy.

Is this person even still here???

I doubt it. It was 6 months ago now - lol!!

Yep, am still here. Alive and kicking.

U need to be self reliant but don't be obsessed with makng money. Just enough to get by I say. The best things in life are free - the rest is just an illusion. Don't be reliant on your man, I wish my wife would help in my business instead of doing the 'hardest job in the world' all the time with our two kids. What a load of crap that is.

aren't you happy that she's taking good care of the kids?

yes, you need to find a job and your own income--you sound like a strong woman--too strong to sit around waiting for a man to send you a check....<br />
I love my forties--would never go back in time--it only gets better

40 is nothing! You're not even in your middle age at 40 unless you believe it! So don't worry about being 40 :)

thank you!

40 is just a number. You seem more bummed to me because you made some choices to try some things that just didnt turn out the way you hoped. Well, now you know. You can always look back and know you tried these things, right? They didnt do the trick.<br />
How lucky you are to see these things clearly, honestly, and to have the opportunity to do things differently. Now, this moment, is all you ever have. It is Now right now, lol! Who cares how long we have been here, the past is gone. It will be NOW when we die. XD<br />
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Let go of any ideas you have about what should be or what could have been. You thought isolating yourself and depending totally upon someone else and " being a fit wife" was what you wanted to do. But gues what?? Big surprise.... you tried it and it sounds like you want something different.<br />
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So go get it, find what you want, and stop thinking about it in terms of how old you are. It is NOW. Now is all you ever have. Make each moment the best you can make it, and the rest will follow.

very profound advise...thanks!

Learned two wonderful things by reading your story. You place importance on your children before yourself and not once did I hear you whining. You have great priorities and are strong enough to do anything you desire!

seeking for a solution is better...It might be tiring but well worth the effort.

It seems so unfair to you. You are the innocent party, so you shouldn't suffer. I hope it works out for you in the future!!!!

I could see a bright future...thanks...(crossing fingers)

Go and see if you can get your job back.

I already left the country. I am starting fresh from scratch.

This is surprising really. As in the part where you called yourself an unfit wife. You did your job the best you could. You were pretty much the "man" of the house providing for the family, had a high paying job which financed your husband's business and also supply the family with its daily needs. There is no need to feel bad about anything and have regrets other than leaving your job. I'm not married or anything and I know that I what it is like exactly how you feel but I do know that even though marriage is a commitment, being able to take care of yourself is very important. <br />
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Remember through this experience that, do not leave yourself at a disadvantage, do not quit your job because it does not help. You must always have a backup. A marriage takes two people and although sometimes you dont want something to be a certain way, if its meant to be, its meant to be; if not, move on :).

yes there are things which are meant and not meant to be. I had moved on.

With you i pray~you sound as if your a strong person~once you get use to living on a cetain level~then having to drop for other reasons~it truly is hard trying to make do~i know the feeling all to well~no doubt you will get back there

thanks for the prayer. I do need it as everyone does. Bless your good soul.

It's more than a year ago that you wrote your stories. I do hope things have start looking better and working out better for you. All I can say is, sometimes we feels like hitting rock bottom and is not necessary our choice..but it makes us who we are and we become stronger.

I am celebrating my 40th birthday in a new country. Hope, here more blessings would come my way!

Sounds promising. Happy 40th and I am sure many good things will come you way :)

thank you. God bless.

Hi there!! First of all, Don't feel sad for being fortyish, and don't even think about it, think about what you have accomplished during the life you've lived until now! your kids, you're life, your experience, and how you are blessed for having all that in your life.<br />
Second, you're saying that you have a 10 years career experience, believe it or not, that counts!! And as long as you have the determination persistence, you can start all over again. <br />
Third, You're lucky to get rid of a man who always show you how an inadequate person you are, many woman would love to be in your shoes right now, you may think you're unlucky woman, but trust me, you are a lucky one. and I'm pretty sure you'll stand up on your feet and face the life again, I know you will.....

Turning 20 nope didnt freak me out of course I felt like more of an adult even though I still acted like a teen turned loose Turning 30 just had a brand new baby girl so I was happy. Turning 40 oops take a look at all my mistakes wow quite a FEW. I ended up getting my second divorce when I was 42 and that was hard yet I didn't feel the love from him and his family HATED me so that was hard. At 43 I take a look at myself, dont really look 40, met a man onlline who is good to me and moved to a different area of my state for him. Was I scared of this move? I went back and forth from him to my hometown on the bus three times and found out my family didn't really want me there. So 40 was ok its 42 that has been hard...I guess what Im getting at is it doesnt have a number you can have a bad year even when you dont turn a significant number.

It's true, a bad year doesn't coincide with age. Thanks for nice thought.

You are a fascinating person, SongforAna. It is so interesting to start over after a long term relationship with someone and discovering what you thought was true was far from true. I am always enthralled with those who are willing to push themselves over the hump of their sadness, disappointment and hurt and forward to what else life has for them. I would love having such a partner in life and business. I will look forward to future posts for how you are doing, good days and bad days, to get a feel for what is in store for me. I will be leaving what is by all accounts a "good woman." She doesn't cheat. She works hard. She is loyal. She will be convinced she deserved better, but she brought it to herself. My next life partner will be someone like you. I really did work at it for almost 30 yrs of marriage, so I don't take things lightly. Yet some who talk will instantly see why I am ready to go out the door, and others will think I am crazy.

Thank you if I fascinate you. I made a drastic move, I believe it's all for the best.

It's even worse becoming 50ish!

Age is not the problem ... but mental development is certainly a concern we need to grow . as the saying goes................................................................................................................................................................................................Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. ~Mark Twain

Try to understand him once more.

I already did a thousand times. Is it not enough? I was bruised, broken and crawling.

Turn 40 is not always a bad thing, younger men (like myself) find women over 40 very sexy and attractive. Just stop, turn your head around and give him a smile, I'm sure he was checking you out. Even if he has a hot girlfriend or wife, he wants you in your lonely bed. Hope all single people here find sweet love. A day of love and happiness is better then not having it at all.

I wish...

Lord, what can I say? We all have our problems. I am new to this site. I just had to look around and I don't even know what I was looking for, really. I am 52, I may have a 1 yr old son with a woman with Drug Problems.<br />
Pretty sure the boy is mine and I want a family with them, so bad. Anyway, I guess DNA tests are on the horrizon, it is just so hard to wait. And then what? The future is so uncertain that sometimes I can't even make myself shave, for 3 or 4 days at a time. And I hate to look old and ugly. I try to make myself dress nice, I even have the newer styles, wich I like :-) But depression often Rules my life.<br />
I am on meds for it. Because what I have is a chemical imbalance in the brain, lol ! No really. I never want to live another day without antidepressants. They improve my whole outlook on life. It's just that they aren't enough, right now.<br />
I will soon visit a psychiatrist, because I think I have gone as far as I can with my Family Doctor. Keep your heads up everyone ! Some that's all we can struggle to do... :-)<br />

you are a good person Russ...chin up in winning your battles

I felt the same way, too! But a smart friend of my told me this 1 week b/4 I turned 40. She said when you ere 25 years old you had no view what so ever, when you were 35 years old you had been around the block a few times, kicked a few tires and know you had earned a irds' eyeview. And know that you are about be 40 years old, everything is going to look infinitetly better because you now have a panoramic view. If you use the knowledge of the first 39 yrs very little will surprise or shock you, you no longer feel the need to please everyone but yourself(or shouldn't if you do) and you should be making delicious plans to enjoy the nxt 40 outrageously! Love & Hugs, livingwell

delicious words!

Hey there...I hope you're doing well. These days it's hard not to compare yourself to everyone else, but just look how many people replied to you in the same predicament. I think sometimes it's hard to remember, that, just being humanis enough....being nice to people and being kind and hopefully getting a return on that, will get you somewhere else you need to be. I hope it all works out for you. I am near your age too and sometimes wonder if it's too late for me to have kids, and some other stuff I regret a lot that's causing some pain to me now. I am trying to remember though, that these years are probably the ones that shape the remainder of my life and that if I try and elarn from all the mistakes and the pain and become just a more sympathetic person to others that it will get me there....hope this isn't all just dirvel and helps a wishes. Schulz

thank you. Sometimes we forget to meditate. But if people try to reach out and make us see the beauty behind life's struggles, we tend to slow down and smile. Best wishes to you too.

Wow.. well I am 38 about to turn 39 in october and yes as many I was dreading the 40. But so many inspirational testimonies here have changed my outlook. 40 is the new 30 anyway right? Good luck to all and thanks for the inspiration!

Best of luck!

We tend to obsess about certain dates and numbers. Like the year 2000, or even just a regular New Year's Day. Like it's such a big deal that we are turning a page on the calendar. <br />
<br />
It's nice when people remember your birthday, and it's nice to have a reason to feel "special" on a certain day. Though on the other hand, if for some reason, bad stuff is happening on a birthday, or people don't acknowledge the day, it can cause us to feel extra bad. That's our nature, but I suggest that we don't have to let the calendar control us like that.<br />
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Birthdays are for children. As adults, I think it is a good idea to put these out of the foreground of our awareness, so that it doesn't become a distraction.<br />
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What I can tell you is that I've seen many times where people fret about turning 40, until it happens. Then it seems that people are finally able to put it all in perspective. It happened like the for me, and also for my wife. She was morose as she approached 40, but once it happened, she realized how ridiculous that was and became comfortable with reality and the phases of life. <br />
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You've probably heard it said that "Life begins at 40", and there is something to that. Studies have shown that people are actually at their happiest in their 60's. Do don't let it get you down. It's really not a big deal, and you've got many years ahead of you, if you choose to make use of them.

I like reading each paragraph, very compelling and contemplative. Thank you.

Don't let your age get in the way of's just a number.<br />
Concentrate on the here and now...taking each day as it comes.<br />
You have your children and your living with for the lack of money...most of us at some stage have lived like that. <br />
Keep a positive attitude..a door will open somewhere for you.<br />
Good luck.

Thank you, I like your sweet comment.

Well I would like to know this. Do you and your family have good health? Just think of families in other parts of the world that are facing extreme hardships such as hunger, genocides, etc..., you problem will probably seem smaller. Just be happy and smile, be positive and you will attract good things in your life. Negative thoughts attract unwanted circumstances. Life is all about a paradox, nothing last in one state forever unless you chose it to be. Don't worry, stay happy and positive and your life will change.

I know. i am always positive. Thanks for reminding me the famine and the crucial situation others do experience more than where I am now. It is really heartbreaking.

forty is the new is really just starting to make sense... I noticed women as a real turn after they hit their forties. I use to not relate with women around my age and now they have a unique character. it seems while that silly little girl **** is gone and the underlying woman shines through. The have a take on life that is all their own. You need to get involved with your career again and out from under his thumb. Being the woman you are meant to be, is relevant to your overall mental/ emotional/physical health. lipstick and blush, high heels and tenny shoes what is that to having spent time giving your kids a loving relationship that is going to last after they leave the nest and mommy leave dumb *** daddy and starts living again.

Your comment made me chuckle alot but you really mean well.

You are in a challenging situation, but, try to lighten up because your children have gone through a lot as well. They look to you for answers, smile and laugh and pull yourself out of the funk, for them. They need their Mom to be happy and serene, just dig your toes in and take their hands and be grateful for your blessings.

Yes, i always count my blessings amidst all the negative feelings that I feel inside me. Thank you for the reminder.

It's things like this that help us reinvent ourselves and become better for it. Hold your head high and be greatful for what you have.<br />
<br />
<br />
Someone in the know.

thank you. I will surely do that.

yes reinventing our sevles ................. im at cross roads once again in my life also ................ to be honest im tired of re inventing my self .............. i had so many paths iv walked on, im tired and worn ...............

It's things like this that help us reinvent ourselves, and become better for it. Hold your head high and be greatful for what you have. Good luck.<br />
<br />
Someone in the know.

If you think 40's are tough, wait till the 50's come! ;-) <br />
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Honestly though, I think I have finally come into my own. I'm ok with being alone - and I certainly don't need a man to validate my existence or my self worth. As lonely as it gets sometimes, that is much more important to me - and life continues to be, well, challenging but contented. Good luck!

You are a tough woman and I adore your challenging life!

yea, I too am ok with being alone if I have to be...... but I have to say the 50's for me has greeted me with health issues, tortures migraines, severe allergies, weight gain do to the med's I take .......where as before that I was a very health person.............

but i have to say in the last FEW WEEKS MY ALLERGIES are getting much better, found a new doctor and his formula seems to be working ............ after 6 years of sneezing ,coughing, blowing my nose 100 times a day ( no lie) even my nose has shrunk cause its no longer swollen lol you just never know what life has in store for you .....

Thanks...I should listen to some blonde with a brain, I believe....great comment:)

if your money started the business he now runs then shouldn't you be getting half the profits??? i'd definitely check on that because if you 2 started the business together and you haven't signed over your part to him then you are entitled to half the profits. And I too am proud of your accomplishments

I am not looking into money now. I am relieved that I am away from him. Money can never buy freedom.

thanks for all the comments...Each life story that has been told left an impact in my heart and mind.<br />
<br />
And about the cosmetics, just a regular one like make-ups and some beauty am at a low maintenance now, so to speak.

Its Your Life.Live it theway You like.Don't look Back.make friends look in to future.Don't life a lively person.Nothing matters,more than are the most important person.others are secondary.Raise your head and show to the world,that you have got it.

I know how you feel. I'm not in a spot in my life where I feel successful and it sucks to turn 40. But physcially I feel great. I feel really young. So that's good.

I know how you feel. I'm not in a spot in my life where I feel successful and it sucks to turn 40. But physcially I feel great. I feel really young. So that's good.

What kind of cosmetics do you need? Or are you just talking about random stuff like shampoo and toilet paper?

I am going to be the age of 38 I had no kids and was in a high paying stressful job with a husband that I could no longer stand. He was constantly verbally abusive and nothing that I did was good enough for him; although I had paid nearly all the bills for years because he hurt his back and wanted to go back to school. Before we married he told me he did not want any kids with me. He was a bit older, not much but already had one son from a previous marriage. His son was grown and in the military. After we married he made sure that we would never have any kids together even though I had not made up my mind about it. In the end, he wound up telling me the truth, he only went back to school so that his company would have to "pay" and that he had never intended to finish, which he did not. I worked 64 hours per week just so I would not have to be home with him. One day I found that I just could not take it anymore. I told him we should be divorced before I actually started hating him. We parted ways pretty well, not a lot of hard feelings so I think he realized it was also for the better. Shortly after I met someone online and the rest is history. I now have a son who will be 2 in a few months, a husband who is MUCH younger than me and I am living in a different country. I can speak the language but not well enough to have a speaking type job and cannot yet read or write the language, working on all that now. I have no doubts about what I am capable of but right now I am enjoying the sun on my son lol and trying to keep up with everything that he does from day to day that is new. I teach him what things are in two languages and my in-laws teach him in a third so all of his baby talk is pretty interesting. When I look back on my last marriage I realize now that I was just being used financially and for companionship but not on my terms. It was also a mistake on my part because I put up with it and then married him. I am sorry for your situation but know that you can and will do whatever it takes to get yourself back on track. Everything will fall into place - you have nowhere to go but up :)

thanks for the comment crywillow. Am now more in tuned with the changes and challenges that am facing. <br />
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Sheilarosskuhn, the wisdom that you shared behind those truthful words encourage me more to travel life amidst its uncertainty.

Aging is beautiful. We grow more confident and less needy, we stop worrying so much about the external image we project and more about our personal serenity. We start to celebrate life and become truly grateful for it. Many of us realize that having a man is wonderful, but, does not always have to be the main attraction in life. We learn to be kind to ourselves and to love ourselves exactly where we are, exactly as we are. We gain much self respect and appreciate our ability to survive the decades still amused and smiliing at ourselves and others. We find our youthful beauty has not faded, it has simply evolved to mature beauty. Look at nature, we don't think that only summer leaves are attractive and interesting, we find Autumn colors vibrant and multi faceted. Giving ourselves full support and permission to fall in love with ourselves (finally) as we age is maybe the very best thing about living on the planet. It's the secret that makes certain older woman so interesting and conforting and even sexy to be around. It's a ripe and glorious adventure to feel welcomed and comfortable in your own skin.

Truly, life is what we make it. In every sad scenario, we learn something good.

thanks for all the comments...I already have a career and I am looking forward to become forty next<br />
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Everything is falling into right places.

You are putting far too much emphasis on a mere number. Forty isn't fatal; it's also not really any different than 39. I hope for your sake you are in a more stable situation by that time, but for goodness sakes, stop stressing about the number-- it sounds like you have enough other things to stress about already.

Wow! That sucks you gave up your high-paying job to "save" a marriage which apparently couldn't be saved! Sounds like HE should have made the effort to save it since HE was the one who did things to flush it down the toilet! I feel for you, Marg. I hope and pray things do turn around for you. You must have some marketable skills, but the economy out there aint a good one! So sorry for you. And yes... 40 sucks! lol

Good on you slinky minx, on Experience Project there is a group called "I love my life" that you could join, lots of other positive people getting on with it and lively fully in the moment<br />
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We can be there for each other

Just do it, we are so lucky in the western world, we have fresh water to drink and food to give our children. We have had access to education medical services and peaceful countries to live in.<br />
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I went through what you are going through now and 14 years and another partner behind me I love my self and can manage on my own, if the nearly right man walks past I hope to be not too old to see him lol.<br />
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Good Luck and tomorrow it will start getting better

There's a wonderful quote that I like to share at moments like this........the quote actually goes: "whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right" I lend a slight variation and say "no matter what you think, you're right" in this I say if you think you are sad that you are turning any age, you will be, because life itself is just a thought and passes by like a fast train if you aren't paying attention to the little things that make life worth it. Enjoy and appreciate every moment, no matter what age. All too often, people spend way too much time thinking about what makes them miserable that they forget how to be happy. Be in this moment, right now, where you are, with your children who will grow up to reflect the life you give them now so teach them to love and appreciate life, not money......teach them to love and respect each other and not to be sad when they don't get what they want, but rather to rejoice in the life they are given at each and every moment! <br />
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I sincerely hope things get better for you and I hope you do not take any offense to what I say. It isn't meant as a put down, only the hopes that you realize exactly how lucky you have it to simply be alive and healthy with two wonderful children who need all that you can offer...

Until I learned that I could be happy on my own, I could not be happy in a relationship.<br />
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"Own your man?" -- You can't *own* anybody honey. You're 61 and you don't know that?<br />
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Women, I understand when you feel incomplete without your guy. I also understand drinkmargarita71 when she says its a relief to not be around her ex-husband. <br />
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This is heavy lifting. This is hard work. There is so much good out there, beside relationships, that if you have just gotten out of one, and want back in desperately, the best thing you can do is focus elsewhere. If your life is off track, getting too obsessed with work is not going to make you a more balanced happy person. In what do you believe, so strongly, that if you died tomorrow doing that, it would have been the best possible way to spend your last day? <br />
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Do you believe in working towards justice for those who are even more poor than you? Do you want to build something that will last beyond your lifetime? Do you have children, and if so, are they worth pouring your life, your affection, your energy and your thoughts into? I think they are.<br />
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You are blessed, if you have children, and you are not alone. If you are alone and reading this, you need to find a community. For me, that community is my immediate family and my church. For others, that is different. Find yours.<br />
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You shouldn't be sad about turning 40. In fact I will be 41 in Sept. I spent the last 10 years working on my career, dating and watching marriages crumble around me. My parents have been married almost 46 years, which is rare in this day and age it seems. It wasn't until this year I met a wonderful guy by fate. Neither of us were looking. It just happened. There's a magazine out here in LA called Singular. They are also on Facebook. The creator of this magazine has enabled many single somethings to let go of the stigma of being alone at any age. Though many of you don't live in the area, I welcome you to check it out. It's in times when I felt as any of you do, that this publication helped me see the bright side of 40 and fabulous! Best to you all - at any age!!

I'm 42 now and I have to say, I LOVE my 40s!!! I felt like you at 39. I spent 37 and 38 dreading the end of my 30s, but now, I love it. There's something about being over 40 that makes you feel bold, self-confident, and like you no longer care so much about what other people think. It's awesome!<br />
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I'm also divorced, but I divorced when I was only 31 with a 2 and 4 year old, limited child support, and only a thousand dollars in the bank. You can absolutely do it. Just get yourself back out there. Write down what you desire in a career and it will manifest.<br />
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You've spent some time playing best supporting actress to the man in your life, now it's time for you to the be Star. I just wrote a book that I think may really help you.

I am about to reach 40. Single and having gone thru a few heartbreak, including a near marriage last year. Enough is enough for me. Had i not been in that last relationship, i would have paid off my mortage earlier and gone on more vacations.<br />
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Surround yourself with friends from different sectors of your life - the hobby group, the close friend group, school mate group, church group etc etc. Don't be a security guard that you have to talk to or visit each of them/group. daily / weekly. Instead, according to your mood & desired topic for the day, go to the group that fits best and enjoy yourself. Since my break off, I had rediscovered old hobby - taking photos & scuba diving. Within these groups are die hard fans that will repeat the activities & discussion topic over & over again, weekly - if not daily. So I just join them for an outing or so, hi & bye and move on to the next group of friends that loves to find nice resturants to try something new.<br />
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There was a saying that rolling stone gathers no moss. I sincerely do not believe in eternal friendship anymore, but one that we are not sick & tired of seeing each other. Always reserve a bit of privacy for yourself - and yourself only.<br />
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Wish you good luck in Job hunt too.

wow!!!! Reading all of this really make me scared<br />
Im 26 now when i reached the age of 40 or above will this happen to me, I always tell my self life it about choice we choose the way we live our live, dont you guys think that we sometime make mistake to learn from them.I think all you guys need to do it put some motivation and trust in your self <br />
dont give up and say to yourself i know i can, and go forward..Hope this will help

thanks Sinoanna..I do.

Believe in yourself,everthing will be better!

am so delighted and smiling while am reading all of your comments..different words and scenario were used but only pointing to one direction--love yourself,reinvent your life and be happy so positive aura will shine in me and I'll attract positive vibes...thanks alot dear friends @ EP<br />
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@charmaine50--thanks for the true wisdom you share..I know I can make it with God's nurturing love and guidance..<br />
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@jay3970--yes i'lll do that..have fun and stop sulking..truly, life is what we make it..<br />
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@tony (aka ukuwi)--am sad while reading your story but happy when you end it without a bitter note,rather you appreciate what you have now and cherish what's left for're a good man..thanks for all the nice positive outlook you've given me<br />
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@lindalada I should be a mistress and a wife at the same it..i'll do it when i have a new man in my life..if ever that happens in the future.<br />
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@Busysdizzy--you made me grin with your comment..don't worry i don't fake my face by using too much just use a pressed powder, a dash of blush- on and a lipstick..maybe am just a bit meticulous on taking care of my skin coz I do love to pamper myself with well-known brands before..but am now buying cheaper commodities..hahahaha<br />
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@slinkyminx --you made me excited turning 40 next a lot for sending me signals on how to project myself..happy birthday in advance

well hi there no need to be sad to be 40. i was 40 just in april<br />
and i feel on top of the world kids getting older having as much fun when i want with who i want and i'm married .life is what you make it so stop sulking and just have fun i do .and i am the happiest i have ever been


i am 50 yrs old and i am just happy to be alive and well, bless the lord oh my soul and all that is within me bless his holy name. you should be thanking God that your situation is the way it is .<br />
Why i say so. many times we live with men that are not good for us, we miss all the good things they used to do for us, and why did it turn out so bad if they were doing all that amount of good, honey. your life has just begun, better days are coming, tell yourself that, and you work towards it, disappiontments a bound to come our way as long as we live in a upside down world like the one we live in. But disappointment only help to make a stronger and better person if we learn from our mistakes and failures, the most important thing is you still have Jesus on yourside, and you have your beautiful children,and with these two elements and the strength you posses inside and the fact that your a woman, girl you will definitley make it, its only a woman who have been hurt, battered a nd bursied and get up again , makes it to the end, just trust in the lord and make him f irst in your life pray every day and ask him your heart desires and if it is his will, he will certainly bring it to pass, i will pray for you that the father gives you the s trength and the courage you need to make it,and i pray for you that you will trust him, the rest is up to love,, PRAYER. move MOUNTAINS> GOD IS BIGGER THAN ALLL OUR PROBLEMS, BIGGER THAN THING, TRUST HIM, HE WILL SEE YOU THROUGH,ALL THE BEST. LOVE YOU.

oops forgot to mention that I turn 50 in a few weeks time, and plan another decade just like the last one!

Goodness me! Turning 40 is wonderful. I had a rough time in my 30s with a philandering husband, who departed when I was 36. We had no kids - supposedly all my fault, however since proven to be his fault. For me turning 40 was my own life turning point, time to put all the stuff others had done behind me and re-invent myself. That is what I did. <br />
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I have had lots of male friends of convenience, and that is an arrangement that suited me at the time - selfish, yes and self preservation is an instinct one should never, ever ignore. I found that the happier I was within myself, the more confidence and happinness that I projected to the world at large, which only feeds a positive spiral. <br />
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Go out, be a whole woman, be a whole woman with a family, and don't accept 2nd best, and good things will come your way.

I am 56 and starting over in much the same way. Hang in there you can do it! As far as cosmetics goes, there are cheaper alternatives, if you look around you may find something that works as well or nearly as well as what you wish you could buy. Me...I dont use make up...doesnt seem to matter to anyone wether I do or not and it just feels so fake on my face.

I'm 61, no kids, no husband, my life is my own & I do what I want all the time.<br />
Sounds grand, doesn't it..?? But my life is so uncomplete w/o a man.<br />
I date constantly, but dating takes so much time and effort, especially if it's the same guy, because<br />
when I'm in a relationship, I spoil my man. Out of respect, I try to make sure my casual dates have one of the best days of their lives when they use their time for me. <br />
Once I was wondering why my husband didn't act like he used to, so I approached him flirting as though I was single -- his response was immediate and he reacted just like the man I fell in love with..........All that to say, don't forget how to flirt with your man.<br />
Own your man. When he calls or walks in the room.........nothing else matters................nothing...

Linda, it’s a shame that the men you are going out with couldn’t take the time to make their date with you one of the best days of your life. I assume that these fellows are as considerate of you with sex ? “when they use their time for me” it looks to me as if you think they are doing you a favor dating you. In my opinion (and we know what they say about that) you should find someone that wants to rock your world and enjoys being with you and doing things for you. I know you put a lot of planning into a date, and that is super for a special occasion but you need to find someone that you can just hang out with and enjoy each other’s company . to sum this up : I think you are giving yourself the short end of the stick
Well thanks anyhow for reading.

this is amazing advice. I'm only (don't want to write my age on the internet), anyway, I recently broke up with my partner and that is exactly what I forgot to do, I forgot to put him first and give him an amazing time when he was with me, I forgot to appreciate the fact that he went out of his way to see and call me, I focussed on other things and other people, not because I didn't know better.. I just lost touch, I forgot who I was, only to remember and resavour once we had broken up. So this advice from you, here, is golden.

Thank you Angelcar for the confirmation. I was reminded by Turnkey1 that to "Be with the ONE", it's either right on right now or it's not, regardless of the effort. Same rules apply, but the highs are higher &amp; the lows are devastatingly exhausting. Guess it just depends on where you like to glide in life. My latest joke: "If you were a pogo stick in life, would you stick out?"

I mostly wanted to know if you were someone who was discussing my LIVER &amp; apparently not, so thank you for confirming that.

U either enjoy your time with someone or u don't I reckon. I don't like being spoilt or given gifts much. My wife does she says, but she's so critical of things I give her that I have now told her that she will get zero from me on her bothday and xmas. I'm not putting up with that anymore.

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I had a 5 bed house sports car and money in the bank, now after two broken relationships where they both cheated on me, I am 46 a single dad of a 10 year old girl and living in a room at my sisters without a job without a home and no money , and I have somehow got to pick myself up and start again, my family life which i cherished so much is gone. you would think that I would be depressed at the prospect, but I have my daughter and an ex stepson that both love me and cried to there mother not to split up with me.<br />
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I believe that the trick is patience, one day at a time, slowly and surely you will rise up again and show the world your true worth, we can control our own destiny and fate and help steer our children the best we know how .<br />
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You have to believe in yourself and have enough faith that its not that hard to do and you have a reason to do it, your children are all the reason i need to succeed and I will, as I will not be beaten.<br />
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I think acknowledging your situation on here is the first step in putting your world back to where you want it to be.<br />
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I wish you all the best, i will not wish you luck as you do not need it only conviction that you will get what you want and the desire to do it for your children.<br />
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Take care<br />

Man you're really strong, you made me fear from the future, I really respect it in you, to be able to continue like this.
Good luck with your life, I hope you find happiness soon.

Yeah good on u tony. Fight on I say. I met a bloke who told me a similar story as u. Last time I met him he was all excited coz he was dating a woman with money and was looking forward to some role reversal after being cleared out by 3 ex wives!