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Sad To Become Fortyish

i'll be 39 this year and sad of turning forty next year..at 38 my life is upside down..I left my career,resigned from a high-paying job of ten years to be domesticated to save my marriage but it didn't do anything. This year before having my birthday in october, I have to start all over again from scratch..I have two kids and they're still so young.  My husband supports them even if we're not together anymore.  We have a business which he handles alone because I was the one who left our home though It's my money which started that business. I earned more than he did before. I'm living with my kids in my mother's home. I really have to get back to work because the money he's giving me is not enough, I am not used of having just a limited amount every week to pay for everything. I hope before turning forty, I can arrange my life the way it should be like those times when am still working, not worrying about money-so I can give a comfortable life to my kids with or without my husband's help because I dreaded everytime he visits and indirectly saying that I'm a big spender. I cannot even buy my cosmetics/toiletries now because I have to prioritze the needs of my children. It's  a big adjustment but I have to deal with it than living with my husband under the same roof to endure the agony of being an unfit wife for a philandering man. I enjoy the company of my kids and  being away from him  is so much refreshing.  I just have to kick back my career and find a nice job  to complete  my life. I hope it happens and wish everything  falls into right places before I turn forty.
0fairytalePrincess 0fairytalePrincess 36-40, F 107 Responses Jun 7, 2010

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thanks for the comment crywillow. Am now more in tuned with the changes and challenges that am facing. <br />
<br />
Sheilarosskuhn, the wisdom that you shared behind those truthful words encourage me more to travel life amidst its uncertainty.

I just turned 41. I am exceptionally happy in most of my life: Professionally, financially, my physical appearance, my son, my parents, friends. Could ask for those things to be any better. Well, we always strive for more financial independence, I suppose. However, my life with my sucks. We have been married almost 17 years and we really are nothing more than best friends. She has told me to get a girlfriend. It is bizzare because we are both beautiful people but she just does not know how to love me I guess. It has been like this for so long. I know that I am going to have to divorce but I really want things to be right. They never will be. It has been way too long. I know that happiness is out there for me and I just need to go find it. The other luxury I have is that if she worked full time she can make as much as me so I would not need to worry about her financially except that she is irresponsible. At least that would not be my problem anymore.

I'm sending you love and wishes of success! I to will be turning 40 this year and I am in a very similar situation. Life does get better.sometimes we just have to weather the storm. Peace to you and yours.

I am going to be 42...at the age of 38 I had no kids and was in a high paying stressful job with a husband that I could no longer stand. He was constantly verbally abusive and nothing that I did was good enough for him; although I had paid nearly all the bills for years because he hurt his back and wanted to go back to school. Before we married he told me he did not want any kids with me. He was a bit older, not much but already had one son from a previous marriage. His son was grown and in the military. After we married he made sure that we would never have any kids together even though I had not made up my mind about it. In the end, he wound up telling me the truth, he only went back to school so that his company would have to "pay" and that he had never intended to finish, which he did not. I worked 64 hours per week just so I would not have to be home with him. One day I found that I just could not take it anymore. I told him we should be divorced before I actually started hating him. We parted ways pretty well, not a lot of hard feelings so I think he realized it was also for the better. Shortly after I met someone online and the rest is history. I now have a son who will be 2 in a few months, a husband who is MUCH younger than me and I am living in a different country. I can speak the language but not well enough to have a speaking type job and cannot yet read or write the language, working on all that now. I have no doubts about what I am capable of but right now I am enjoying the sun on my son lol and trying to keep up with everything that he does from day to day that is new. I teach him what things are in two languages and my in-laws teach him in a third so all of his baby talk is pretty interesting. When I look back on my last marriage I realize now that I was just being used financially and for companionship but not on my terms. It was also a mistake on my part because I put up with it and then married him. I am sorry for your situation but know that you can and will do whatever it takes to get yourself back on track. Everything will fall into place - you have nowhere to go but up :)

What kind of cosmetics do you need? Or are you just talking about random stuff like shampoo and toilet paper?

I know how you feel. I'm not in a spot in my life where I feel successful and it sucks to turn 40. But physcially I feel great. I feel really young. So that's good.

I know how you feel. I'm not in a spot in my life where I feel successful and it sucks to turn 40. But physcially I feel great. I feel really young. So that's good.

Its Your Life.Live it theway You like.Don't look Back.make friends look in to future.Don't cribble.live life a lively person.Nothing matters,more than you.you are the most important person.others are secondary.Raise your head and show to the world,that you have got it.

thanks for all the comments...Each life story that has been told left an impact in my heart and mind.<br />
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And about the cosmetics, just a regular one like make-ups and some beauty secrets...lol...I am at a low maintenance now, so to speak.

Those zero years have a way of getting to us, reminding us that time is passing and our time is limited. Of course, I hope you understand that my first urge was to laugh when I read the title of your story--I'm 66. From where I stand, your situation looks tough but you are still pretty young, my friend. You have shown some ***** and courage by ending your marriage to a philanderer. From the way you describe things, it must be relief indeed. Give yourself some credit! You obviously have a lot moe strength and good sense than many women "trapped" in these kinds of bad marriages. You once had a good job, a steady career; you can have that again. You might have to start with a temporary job just to get back into the work force or you might have to be flexible about what you want to do, but I believe, from what you have posted, and your cogent writing, that you can do it. You are giving your children a good example of how to take charge of life and how to be brave. That is a very worthwhile thing to be doing.<br />
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Please don't feel old; you are about halfway through your life and you have a great deal to look forward to. I wish you the very best!

Thanks...I should listen to some blonde with a brain, I believe....great comment:)

if your money started the business he now runs then shouldn't you be getting half the profits??? i'd definitely check on that because if you 2 started the business together and you haven't signed over your part to him then you are entitled to half the profits. And I too am proud of your accomplishments

I am not looking into money now. I am relieved that I am away from him. Money can never buy freedom.

I know about life being turned upside down. I had to walk away from a 15 year relationship and all that I felt like I was with him because of issues that just kept coming up. We don't blame each other, just ourselves. Things are so different leaning to let go and making adjustments in your life is definitely an art. I understand that for sure ana.

thank you. We learn alot from the person we married until we realized they are only the figment of imagination.

If you think 40's are tough, wait till the 50's come! ;-) <br />
<br />
Honestly though, I think I have finally come into my own. I'm ok with being alone - and I certainly don't need a man to validate my existence or my self worth. As lonely as it gets sometimes, that is much more important to me - and life continues to be, well, challenging but contented. Good luck!

You are a tough woman and I adore your challenging life!

yea, I too am ok with being alone if I have to be...... but I have to say the 50's for me has greeted me with health issues, tortures migraines, severe allergies, weight gain do to the med's I take .......where as before that I was a very health person.............

but i have to say in the last FEW WEEKS MY ALLERGIES are getting much better, found a new doctor and his formula seems to be working ............ after 6 years of sneezing ,coughing, blowing my nose 100 times a day ( no lie) even my nose has shrunk cause its no longer swollen lol you just never know what life has in store for you .....

It's things like this that help us reinvent ourselves, and become better for it. Hold your head high and be greatful for what you have. Good luck.<br />
<br />
Someone in the know.

It's things like this that help us reinvent ourselves and become better for it. Hold your head high and be greatful for what you have.<br />
<br />
<br />
Someone in the know.

thank you. I will surely do that.

yes reinventing our sevles ................. im at cross roads once again in my life also ................ to be honest im tired of re inventing my self .............. i had so many paths iv walked on, im tired and worn ...............

You are in a challenging situation, but, try to lighten up because your children have gone through a lot as well. They look to you for answers, smile and laugh and pull yourself out of the funk, for them. They need their Mom to be happy and serene, just dig your toes in and take their hands and be grateful for your blessings.

Yes, i always count my blessings amidst all the negative feelings that I feel inside me. Thank you for the reminder.

forty is the new twenty...living is really just starting to make sense... I noticed women as a real turn after they hit their forties. I use to not relate with women around my age and now they have a unique character. it seems while that silly little girl **** is gone and the underlying woman shines through. The have a take on life that is all their own. You need to get involved with your career again and out from under his thumb. Being the woman you are meant to be, is relevant to your overall mental/ emotional/physical health. lipstick and blush, high heels and tenny shoes what is that to having spent time giving your kids a loving relationship that is going to last after they leave the nest and mommy leave dumb *** daddy and starts living again.

Your comment made me chuckle alot but you really mean well.

Well I would like to know this. Do you and your family have good health? Just think of families in other parts of the world that are facing extreme hardships such as hunger, genocides, etc..., you problem will probably seem smaller. Just be happy and smile, be positive and you will attract good things in your life. Negative thoughts attract unwanted circumstances. Life is all about a paradox, nothing last in one state forever unless you chose it to be. Don't worry, stay happy and positive and your life will change.

I know. i am always positive. Thanks for reminding me the famine and the crucial situation others do experience more than where I am now. It is really heartbreaking.

Don't let your age get in the way of anything...it's just a number.<br />
Concentrate on the here and now...taking each day as it comes.<br />
You have your children and your living with family..as for the lack of money...most of us at some stage have lived like that. <br />
Keep a positive attitude..a door will open somewhere for you.<br />
Good luck.

Thank you, I like your sweet comment.

We tend to obsess about certain dates and numbers. Like the year 2000, or even just a regular New Year's Day. Like it's such a big deal that we are turning a page on the calendar. <br />
<br />
It's nice when people remember your birthday, and it's nice to have a reason to feel "special" on a certain day. Though on the other hand, if for some reason, bad stuff is happening on a birthday, or people don't acknowledge the day, it can cause us to feel extra bad. That's our nature, but I suggest that we don't have to let the calendar control us like that.<br />
<br />
Birthdays are for children. As adults, I think it is a good idea to put these out of the foreground of our awareness, so that it doesn't become a distraction.<br />
<br />
What I can tell you is that I've seen many times where people fret about turning 40, until it happens. Then it seems that people are finally able to put it all in perspective. It happened like the for me, and also for my wife. She was morose as she approached 40, but once it happened, she realized how ridiculous that was and became comfortable with reality and the phases of life. <br />
<br />
You've probably heard it said that "Life begins at 40", and there is something to that. Studies have shown that people are actually at their happiest in their 60's. Do don't let it get you down. It's really not a big deal, and you've got many years ahead of you, if you choose to make use of them.

I like reading each paragraph, very compelling and contemplative. Thank you.

Wow.. well I am 38 about to turn 39 in october and yes as many I was dreading the 40. But so many inspirational testimonies here have changed my outlook. 40 is the new 30 anyway right? Good luck to all and thanks for the inspiration!

Best of luck!

Hey there...I hope you're doing well. These days it's hard not to compare yourself to everyone else, but just look how many people replied to you in the same predicament. I think sometimes it's hard to remember, that, just being humanis enough....being nice to people and being kind and hopefully getting a return on that, will get you somewhere else you need to be. I hope it all works out for you. I am near your age too and sometimes wonder if it's too late for me to have kids, and some other stuff I regret a lot that's causing some pain to me now. I am trying to remember though, that these years are probably the ones that shape the remainder of my life and that if I try and elarn from all the mistakes and the pain and become just a more sympathetic person to others that it will get me there....hope this isn't all just dirvel and helps a little....best wishes. Schulz

thank you. Sometimes we forget to meditate. But if people try to reach out and make us see the beauty behind life's struggles, we tend to slow down and smile. Best wishes to you too.

I felt the same way, too! But a smart friend of my told me this 1 week b/4 I turned 40. She said when you ere 25 years old you had no view what so ever, when you were 35 years old you had been around the block a few times, kicked a few tires and know you had earned a irds' eyeview. And know that you are about be 40 years old, everything is going to look infinitetly better because you now have a panoramic view. If you use the knowledge of the first 39 yrs very little will surprise or shock you, you no longer feel the need to please everyone but yourself(or shouldn't if you do) and you should be making delicious plans to enjoy the nxt 40 outrageously! Love & Hugs, livingwell

delicious words!

Lord, what can I say? We all have our problems. I am new to this site. I just had to look around and I don't even know what I was looking for, really. I am 52, I may have a 1 yr old son with a woman with Drug Problems.<br />
Pretty sure the boy is mine and I want a family with them, so bad. Anyway, I guess DNA tests are on the horrizon, it is just so hard to wait. And then what? The future is so uncertain that sometimes I can't even make myself shave, for 3 or 4 days at a time. And I hate to look old and ugly. I try to make myself dress nice, I even have the newer styles, wich I like :-) But depression often Rules my life.<br />
I am on meds for it. Because what I have is a chemical imbalance in the brain, lol ! No really. I never want to live another day without antidepressants. They improve my whole outlook on life. It's just that they aren't enough, right now.<br />
I will soon visit a psychiatrist, because I think I have gone as far as I can with my Family Doctor. Keep your heads up everyone ! Some that's all we can struggle to do... :-)<br />
Russ

you are a good person Russ...chin up in winning your battles

Turn 40 is not always a bad thing, younger men (like myself) find women over 40 very sexy and attractive. Just stop, turn your head around and give him a smile, I'm sure he was checking you out. Even if he has a hot girlfriend or wife, he wants you in your lonely bed. Hope all single people here find sweet love. A day of love and happiness is better then not having it at all.

I wish...

Try to understand him once more.

I already did a thousand times. Is it not enough? I was bruised, broken and crawling.

Age is not the problem ... but mental development is certainly a concern we need to grow . as the saying goes................................................................................................................................................................................................Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. ~Mark Twain

It's even worse becoming 50ish!

You are a fascinating person, SongforAna. It is so interesting to start over after a long term relationship with someone and discovering what you thought was true was far from true. I am always enthralled with those who are willing to push themselves over the hump of their sadness, disappointment and hurt and forward to what else life has for them. I would love having such a partner in life and business. I will look forward to future posts for how you are doing, good days and bad days, to get a feel for what is in store for me. I will be leaving what is by all accounts a "good woman." She doesn't cheat. She works hard. She is loyal. She will be convinced she deserved better, but she brought it to herself. My next life partner will be someone like you. I really did work at it for almost 30 yrs of marriage, so I don't take things lightly. Yet some who talk will instantly see why I am ready to go out the door, and others will think I am crazy.

Thank you if I fascinate you. I made a drastic move, I believe it's all for the best.

Turning 20 nope didnt freak me out of course I felt like more of an adult even though I still acted like a teen turned loose Turning 30 just had a brand new baby girl so I was happy. Turning 40 oops take a look at all my mistakes wow quite a FEW. I ended up getting my second divorce when I was 42 and that was hard yet I didn't feel the love from him and his family HATED me so that was hard. At 43 I take a look at myself, dont really look 40, met a man onlline who is good to me and moved to a different area of my state for him. Was I scared of this move? I went back and forth from him to my hometown on the bus three times and found out my family didn't really want me there. So 40 was ok its 42 that has been hard...I guess what Im getting at is it doesnt have a number you can have a bad year even when you dont turn a significant number.

It's true, a bad year doesn't coincide with age. Thanks for nice thought.