Never A Paying Job.

I am unemployed. I've never had a paying job due to my agoraphobia & social anxiety. I am afraid to even leave the house, let alone do much else, so having a job is out of the question. But I have been seeing a vocational specialist for 2 1/2 years. She helps the mentally ill find jobs. Because of my lack of experience, I've never gotten one. I know I won't be able to handle one even when I do get one, though. But even though I've never had a paying job, I have been caring for my mom since she had a very bad stroke in '01, when I was 19. It's not as if I just sit around doing nothing all day, but that's the way others see it. Especially because they have no idea how hard my life is. If only they knew what it is to live in a life full of fear, I know they would stop thinking of me as they do.
lyricalongings lyricalongings
31-35, F
7 Responses May 18, 2010

I have bin unemployed in a way sinse 2002 but that's bcause I was made redundant from a company that was closing down & I had worked for it for 25 yrs & then I bcame a carer for my elderly parents for the next 5 yrs up until they passed on. Sinse then I have bin working through various agencies, some jobs good & some not so good.<br />
I do have a part time gardening job for elderly residents, grass cutting,weeding etc but it would be nice to have a full time job again now but with problems like (SA,SP or GAD) of which I suffer it can be somewhat difficult.

I'm glad you're better now :) I've tried exposure therapy because everyone so many people say it works for them, but it does not work for me. The more often I go out in public, the more afraid I get to go out again. The more I'm around people, the worse I get, not better. Plus, I have no desire to be in social situations & I don't feel a need to do something that I find not only excruciatingly painful, but pointless & incredibly tedious, too. I would do it, besides that, if it were helpful, but it's not.

Thank You very much & I completely agree with your statement "I think that unless a person suffers from social anxiety on this level, they will never understand." :)

I've tried taking classes on campus for two semesters. I only had to leave the house two days a week & it was so hard I ended up having to withdraw from classes all because I was too afraid to leave the house. You may think I have a self-defeating attitude, but I actually have a very realistic attitude. I know what I can & can't handle & I know it from experience. How am I supposed to handle a job when I can't even handle classes? A job would be much harder & I would have to deal with people a lot more than I ever did while taking classes. If I'm too afraid to leave the house, I definitely can't work somewhere. I would love to find an online job, where I wouldn't have to leave the house or deal with people in person, but there are few jobs available online & none for people who have no experience.

I am not an expert but what I have been reading you are being very self defeating by starting to say I can't handle one even if I do get one they say future emplyers can sense that so I might work with your thearpist on where you pannic is comming from a very good book to read is adaptability how to handle change you don't want it has helped me with some confidence

Maybe she's on disability. Or maybe she has a husband that works & makes enough money so she doesn't have to work, herself.<br />
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She might not get your comment, because unless you subscribe to a stories comments or something, you don't get them unless it's on your story.

Wow! how do u support yourself sara600?