Standard Office Procedures

In almost all the jobs I have had, the office is run by a set of standard instructions.
These instructions include how to type a report, how to file a report. How to use the phone.
Who to call if your computer is malfunctioning. You get the idea. Everything has a written document explaining how to use it.
One day a new employee, fresh out of college, was having trouble with his stapler. We jokingly asked him if he loaded it right.
He said he thought so. "Did you follow the Standard Job Procedures (SJP) for staplers"? He looked confused. "Do they cover that?"
Oh yes we replied. We handed him the 300 page document and told him to read up on staplers. He looked like he was gonna cry.
"It's in there, you just need to find the right page", we told him.
A few minutes later our boss came in and saw Jimmy reading the SJP. "What are you doing?"the boss asked. "Where is that report I asked for" Jimmy Replies. " I am looking up how to use a stapler" he proudly proclaims. Then it dawns on him. Duh! I have been owned!
We ran from the office laughing our butts off.
It sucks to be the new guy.
dumbnugly dumbnugly
56-60, M
18 Responses May 16, 2011

I think a lot of places have standard "newbie" pranks. One of the favorites in the Navy was to send a newbie to get "relative bearing" grease. Relative Bearing is the direction of an object from the direction the ship is traveling. So the newbie would go to Supply to get the grease. The Storekeeper would suppress a smile, and send the poor kid to Engineering. Who would suppress a grin and yell at him that everyone should know that the Boatswain's Mate keeps the grease. This was good as it gave the newbie a chance to learn where all the departments were on the ship, and also gave him valuable exercise.

How does this have anything to do with unemployment?

Well there was no place for work related stories so I used this one. I am still unemployed so maybe this is my problem, I am stupid!

That is awesome. Thanks for this story.

All done in fun, no harm was done to any animals!

It does suck to be the nice guy

That too!

Thats funny as hell.

@ Pinkypip:<br />
Pt. 1: I was thinking that very thing, regarding who they thought was hot!<br />
<br />
Pt. 2: You can always be counted on to stand against cruelty! Good for you!

Nah all in fun, this guy was always doing jokes on us..<br />
he would log into our computer, and exceed the number of password attempts .<br />
This locks out your computer for 24 hrs or until IT can reset it.

But naughty means nice in my language! :-P

I may be naughty, but really nice too! ;)

You naughty Olduglydude! Thehe

yes, a lot of wasted time. Too bad we didn't have cell phone cameras back then! lol

SirW that is very funny.<br />
<br />
One job I had, all the rookies were sent to "map out" the locations of all the hot women for our boss. Not real funny but a lot of fun. It was a large office complex with about 10,000 employees.

We sure

wind mill fuel...very cool! :)

You know what truckers do to wind up new colleagues? <br />
They instruct them to load windmill fuel. :'-))

He deserve it. He got what he DESERVED AND THEN SOME MORE TO <br />

That's funny. I think it is important to have a good sense of humor and I believe that it improves productivity, but then again I am unemployed.

I told you I would do something with staplers. <br />
Yeah he was a bright kid, but very nieve.