Delusions Of GrandureI will start of by assuring everyone who reads this that I am indeed young. I understand that I am not past my prime yet and still have time to improve my situation by a lot. However if your mature enough to be giving out advice then you should be wise enough to know that everyone will still go make their own mistakes. So here is a brief summary of how my life has gone no where fast.
I think I can really bring it all back to the summer of 07' when I was still in high school but unable to get a job. The reason? Well simply because I lived out in the middle of no where and had no means of even getting to work. There were no simple task to do around the area for some pocket cash no lawns that people didn't mow them selves and no chance my family could afford to give me even a little money to save up to a car. At this point if I remember correctly I was in my third year of high school. My grades where at best average and sometimes little low end from the fact I had no 7Th/8Th grade education from being continuously suspended. Being beat up but both people getting suspended kind of ruined my education.
Unable to find work or friends to help take me around I resigned myself to simply finishing high school and moving onto college or something. I honestly had no idea what I wanted to do. Long part of the story short I got in a rather deep relationship that ended with a bunch of false lies to get me in trouble. I had to leave the school since no one would listen... Not even the officers tried to look at any evidence I had of my innocence. So in my fourth year of high school I dropped out. At the time it did not't bother me I simply went onto college as if I never happened. Back then the state provided for people who had decent GPA's and I was in that range. I had some money extra to pay for books and so on. That didn't last long two quarters in and my lack of a decent education caught up to me. Classes became difficult and I had no idea what to look up or study to even try and catch up. I had to deal with the teacher even simply telling me I had no chance if I didn't learn the stuff in high school. Kind of ****** right?
I have lived most of my life simply dealing with things like this but since I am not here to give a life story I will spare you all further details. With my GPA drop and the change to the system I would need an even higher GPA to get tuition again... So as I said to my self when I was younger if all else fails I will simply join the military. They are always looking for people right? That turned into a FOUR year delay of them clearing my paper work and my recruiter not having a clue what I needed. I kept missing dead lines to get information and he kept misinforming me. I ended up having to get a GED despite having college credits. So I enlisted and got shipped off about a year later to basic. Sounds good right? I intended to join during the war as it didn't phase me what kind of work I would have. Lucky me due to high scores I ended up with an Intel Contract. Issue is I get to basic to be informed of the ARMY cutbacks and how over 50% of my company will be dropped by end cycle. Essentially they only wanted airborne and rangers left. Neither of which was on my contract thus ensuring my demise. Despite my short time in the military I was discharged uncharacteristic at that. Not dishonorable but it might as well be to any civilian employer unaware of what it means. That with my very short stay in looked really bad.
So here I am now with no more than 4 or so months work experience at two separate jobs who both let me go after only a short time. Both jobs where cutting back when I joined to which I was unaware and now neither job is a good reference. I have tried applying with and without my resume having those jobs. I have essentially been unemployed my whole life and used what little money I did earn while in the Army to buy myself a super cheap car that I can't even afford the tags for. I am now sitting here on a laptop in my mothers house at 2:30am EST feeling like a wreck. My life has just gone deeper and deeper after I had moved away from my dad to get out of a similar downwards situation. I have spent the last few bucks I have every other week to buy a lotto or two. I keep telling my self I have won and that this will be it. Hell I even have everything planned out like an idiot. Sure it is fine to dream of winning but planning it out? Investments, savings, and the lot just make me seem delusional. At this point I honestly think I need help before I make my own situation worse. I like to tell myself since I don't drink or smoke buying a lotto every other week or two is not bad but these are my last dollars. I have applied to just about everywhere possible. With what little qualifications I have and those them selves making things look worse this is a nightmare. What can I do to turn my life around? Even if I stopped putting my dreams in lotto I would lose what little drive I have left to get out of bed. That is pretty pathetic when I look back at how I was in the Army. I didn't let anything hold me back. I did so much more than I thought possible only to be kicked out... My last hope throwing me out. I no longer have a plan or path in life that I can obtain with where I am at now.
I need help getting from this crappy situation. I need to move from this starting line and make it to a point even beyond most peoples dreams if I am to even try and accomplish my own.
sintobus 22-25 3 Jul 4, 2012