Being A Good Girl Doesn't Pay

Today I'm at my breaking point.  Little things like a leaking washing machine, and when I lost picture on my year old Sony Bravia 42" LCD tv makes me want to totally give up.  On everything.  I feel like I'm loosing control and that things won't be okay.  I only have enough money to last another 4 or 5 weeks.  I'm a single mom of a great young man who is a freshman.  My story is simple.  I wen't back to school in 2008 and finished with a Master's degree in May of 2009.  The trouble is I can't find work.  You know there's that commercial..."I don't have any skills, I can't get a job,  I don't have any money" for a trade college.  Well my story is the opposite..."I went to school...I have an advanced degree....I don't have any money....and I still can't get a job!"

With rent and basic bills it cost $1600 per month.  Even if I found a $10 hour job, I still wouldn't be able to by grocery, clothes for my son, or pay for his school, gas or car insurance, and $250 in credit card bills.  I don't get child support, well I take that back, I got $50 last month and only around $2,000 for the previous 15 I'm going to have to apply for food stamps and cash assistance.  But how do I live of off $361 per month?  Is it wrong of me to go to the corner and beg for money!  It seems like my only choice.  Yes, I have applied for least 36 of them, then I gave up on the count.  I only got $1,016 in unemployment and I can't get any more extensions and my last payment of $109 will come this Friday.

I feel so overwhelmed and so powerless.  And the normal things that occur in live, send me over the edge.  The only reason I hang on is for my son...but why?  He would get more money is SS payments than what I could provide him now.

Why am I writing...I need help, support, and someone that I can talk to.  I know a lot of people, but I really don't have any friends, and my family don't need to be bothered with my troubles.

It's gotten to the point that I try to put on a happy face in the morning and after school, but I can't take it much longer.  I get him off to school and then go back to bed for most of the morning.  What makes it worse is I'm gaining weight, my hair is falling out and look horrible.

Desperately Waiting for a Better Tomorrow

Iowa City





countryctygrl countryctygrl
41-45, F
2 Responses Mar 7, 2010

I am so sorry about your situation. I know it sucks when you have all that knowledge and education and still are having trouble finding a job. And you are right $10 an hour just doesn't cut it these day with expenses and everything. If you wanna talk more let me know. Take care.

I'm so sorry about your situation. You need to know that you are not alone. I have a Masters degree as well and cannot find a job. In these times one needs to figure out the absolute necessities: Have food and a roof over your head. I stopped paying my credit cards because I'd rather have food than give them money for the daily rising crappy fees.<br />
It's sad how unlucky some people are. I know that some people with the same degree and the same experience have great jobs and they don't know where to spend their money next. Somehow I doubt it's interviewing skills that get you those jobs, really wonder what it is.<br />
Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone and if you need to talk to someone, we can be depressed together