Confused

I have been with my husband for almost 10 years. Plus he was my best friend before we got together. He has been there for me through everything. Him and his family are basically all I have besides my children. Now I know my marriage is basically over. H eowrks out of state and is only home on the weekends and when he is home I can't hardley stand him. He drives me crazy. NOt that he is home much he spends more time with his friends than at home. He is a good daddy despite it all though. I am a stay at home mom and I have it easy right now. If I leave him I will struggle to make ends meet and my two young children will be in daycare all the time. THey have never been in daycare, ever. And what if I cant make ends meet.... My only family lives out of state and he will make the divorce miserable and will not let me leave the state he will try to keep me in this little town where I have nothing, no friends or family. If he lets me move out of town to one of the neighboring cities I will have to start over ocmpletly on my own. Our marriage is stupid though. We don't speak to eachother and he annoys me. during the week I have to hold my toungue not to say something mean when I get off the phone in front of the girls. We don't have anything in common anymore and he thinks everything I do and say is stupid. I want to go back to school and he has no interest wiht this and will not help pay for any of it because he doesn't see why I am bothering. I was able to get grants and scholorships to do it but he doesn't want to talk about it or hear anything about it. He expects me to do everyhting for him but for him to do anything for him it's unthinkable. Then his parents, whom I love. THey hate eachother but stay together anyway. All they do is yell and fight and his mom complains whenever his dad isn't working out of town and is going to be home. I see them and I think i don't want to be them and then I see myself already turning into that. I'm scared though. What if I leave and it's harder. My life isn't that bad... Plus if his mom turned against me??? She's the main family, main friend I have. THen he is going to have to have a surgery not anything life threatening, but the thought of having to take care of him while he is recouperating makes me cringe but I can't leave him before he gets that taken care of can I? wouldn't I be an awfule terrible person? HOw long do I need to give him after to heal? Ugh I don't know
Patricia4902 Patricia4902
26-30
Aug 5, 2010