Why Am I Married?It's a question I have asked myself for many years. Over the past few months,I ask myself more often, "Why am i married" Marriage to me was what we once did, we shared our lives,shared fun together,talked with other,took care of each other,shared in responsibilities.
If I have to cook for myself, sleep by myself, work by myself to pay the bills, sit all day by myself while she is on the computer in the computer room, If I have to find people on-line to talk with and share ideas and talk about things? What do I need with a wife?... another mouth to feed,another life to worry about,another life that I am expected to find solutions for her aches and pains?... Where is the sharing of our lives?,where are the laughs and fun together?
If she has a problem,she isn't telling me anything. I asked all the time,but get some dumb grunt and ignored. If its my fault, I can take responsibilty and be the one to set aside my thoughts and fix everything for her. Like I have had to do for many many many years...ok . But nothing offered is nothing served..?
So why am I married? I am not a great looking guy. Just a plain guy really..my age is probably starting to show more. While this feeling of living alone in a crowded house continues to torment me. My emotions become less concealable. i am excited smile when good things happen in a show--even if its TV..lol, I also experience the sadness and hold back tears over things.
I am losing control of who I am. As I get older and deal with this being alone thing. Maybe not,,maybe I am using the age thing as crutch to blame on. I dont know?
What I do know is that I am unhappy and want to share in someones lifes and be part of their happiness and thus I would be happy again with life.
I know some response will be..stop whining..man up and stuff like that. I have told that to myself so long,I have forgotten what that means. Yo have to get to the point where cute little cliches dont work anymore. I think this takes someone who has been there ,o,r is there to fully understand.
Anway i wanted to share my story and maybe someone out there knows what I want or what I need to reverse things.
pharmguy 46-50, M 5 Responses 1 Oct 6, 2011