Why Am I Married?

It's a question I have asked myself for many years. Over the past few months,I ask myself more often, "Why am i married"  Marriage to me was what we once did, we shared our lives,shared fun together,talked with other,took care of each other,shared in responsibilities.

    If I have to cook for myself, sleep by myself, work by myself to pay the bills, sit all day by myself while she is on the computer in the computer room, If I have to find people on-line to talk with and share ideas and talk about things?  What do I need with a wife?... another mouth to feed,another life to worry about,another life that I am expected to find solutions for her aches and pains?... Where is the sharing of our lives?,where are the laughs and fun together?

   If she has a problem,she isn't telling me anything. I asked all the time,but get some dumb grunt and ignored. If its my fault, I can take responsibilty and be the one to set aside my thoughts and fix everything for her. Like I have had to do for many many many years...ok . But nothing offered is nothing served..?

  So why am I married? I am not a great looking guy. Just a plain guy really..my age  is probably starting to show more. While this feeling of living alone in a crowded house continues to torment me. My emotions become less concealable. i am excited smile when good things happen in a show--even if its TV..lol, I also experience the sadness and hold back tears over things.

  I am losing control of who I am. As I get older and deal with this being alone thing. Maybe not,,maybe I am using the age thing as crutch to blame on. I dont know?

  What I do know is that I am unhappy and want to share in someones lifes and be part of their happiness and thus I would be happy again with life.

  I know some response will be..stop whining..man up and stuff like that. I have told that to myself so long,I have forgotten what that means. Yo have to get to the point where cute little cliches dont work anymore. I think this takes someone who has been there ,o,r is there to fully understand.

  Anway i wanted to share my story and maybe someone out there knows what I want or what I need to reverse things.
pharmguy pharmguy
46-50, M
6 Responses Oct 6, 2011

honestly i stay on my comptuer all day in the other room away from my husband because i hate the things he watches... we have almost nothing in common... and i honestly feel like im falling out of love with him... there are rare times that i feel he is good to me.. but most the time i want to be by myself away from him and the kids because i am not happy.

I know what u are going thru and how u feel but i also know im not the victem ive done bad things to make my husband despise me i have a spending problem and i hate to clean but i do anyway ...somtimes. well my advise is she has to be willing to talk to u and u both need to be willing to change. As a woman i knoe she wants u to do somthing extra ordanary a big cheezy gesture to show u love her (if u still do) i wish my husband would. But just pray on it and God will help u to go down the path u are ment to be on.. i hope it works out!!

Well...that pretty much sums up my feelings. I married my longtime boyfriend. We have a child, and he has a child prior to our meeting. For many years I have loved him more than I have loved myself (pretty unhealthy). I guess I was very disillusioned about what I believed love was/is. I feel very alone and unsupported in our marriage. I have given so much, with very little in return. He refuses to admit or even step up to our needs and responsibilities. We do not have a lot of money. I am working two jobs to try to go back to school to finish my degree (which I had to stop because of him loosing his job and other poor decisions he made). He does not feel he should or can contribute to my efforts. We have vague conversations about things, he agrees just to not have to talk about it, and then backs out of the agreement/compromise. I feel alone...I eat dinner with our child only. If there is something I would like to do chances are he doesn't want to. He is no longer interested in sex because of the financial stress. I feel like his roommate...he only wants to talk about general conversation...with no real connection to me. I understand how you feel and I have even tried counseling to figure out if I am unrlistic in my ideas. I stay married because I am scared to leave , that this is the best.

Your story is somewhat of a reflecion of my own. I find it hard that the guy I've loved for 19 years would easily throw me and our 2 kids (ages 8 and 19months) so easily to the side. He only sees my flaws and acts as though he's perfect. His addiction to online gaming seems to has transformed him into an infeeling, cold hearted individual who can't look past himself. I wish I had the right answers for you but I too am in this painful, lonely journey. Hope yours turns out better soon. Take care.

I do understand you ididmybest. It simpossible to fix something if he isnt ready to fix anything. The video gaming thing does have adverse effects causing mental retardation - Maybe thats not the scientific word, but it fits.. smiles.. I hope the best for you and the kids,do what you need to do,,Take care also.

I can relate to everything you are saying. I am so miserable at home and I'm not sure what to do, I have a nine year old little girl and I don't want to disrupt her life for my own happiness. I dread the thought of going home and having to talk to him, it's so sad. I look at other happy couples and I can't figure out what went wrong. I guess I just stopped caring and stopped feeling. It wasn't like this in the beginning. He says he loves me and he is crazy about me, but I don't feel the same. How do you make your heart feel something it just doesn't?

Hi Isabellarose24,
I am sorrry you are having difficulty also in the marriage. Its very diappointing to have things go down hill after so much is invested in a realtionship. I understand that with you.
You say he loves you and is crazy about you,so Im assuming that you recently asked him how he felt about you and the marriage? or is it just you that he adores and is also having regrets in the marriage for some reason? I am reading that you do not have this same crazy feeling about him. What is it that brings this unhappiness? I take it,from what i wrote about my marriage dislike that he also offers very little to the emotional support of the relationship? He will not tell you what is stopping
him fform displaying a loving concern? There is nothing you can do to make him. I wrote another woman who was wanting to sty together for the kids. I reminded her that as noble as that is, Kids are very perceptive to their home life. We dont think they are listening,watching and taking notes,but they are. They develope their own sense of family value from these pretend home emotions.Its unhealthy for them and more so for the adults. Nine year old children will not comprehend your conversation about emotion,cause its not someting they can visualize. But if its necessary to break the marrital ties,doing so before they complete their mental analysis of how relationships are vcarried out. Later teens develope resentment to one or both parents,,feeling left out...so communication is important,Not blame if you stick it out till that age.
I am reciting what experts have said,so I dont know you aor your family,,so this is just friendly sharing of information.
I dont encourage you to sepaerate unless there is abuseive behavior,,but asking your husband if he would help you to break a mental issue you have by going to counseling once or twice. He might go? There the counselor can workout the answers you seek and concerns you have without putting anyone in the spotlight.
Hope it works out for you,Please let me know what know happens?

I understand what your saying and I agree. These feelings of just being used for her own secuity sake is not right. I am looking to get things moving in the right direction.Its getting closer to move on with my life. Thank you for your kindness.