Man Trapped In An Unhappy Marriage

I have two young daughters. I'm not going to go into a long whiny list of complaints about my wife; instead, I'm going straight to the bottom line...

Bottom Line:

I want out of my marriage, but I'm trapped. I need answers...


1. I can't get the money. I'm upside down on the mortgages. I have two mortgages on the same house. I'm up to my eyeballs in debt. Even if I had the money, I couldn't support two households after the divorce: alimony and child support. IF she worked, her earning potential is below $10 hourly in a part time job.

2. She will shelter the kids from me, lie to them, make them not want to see me ever again (this was confirmed to be true when she left me with the kids during an affair).

3. She will likely fall into bad company (since she IS bad company), get hooked up with an abusive guy (or a long string of abusive guys) who will ultimately abuse my daughters.

My Current Solution:

I wait until my youngest is 18 (in 10 years). Then, I'll divorce. Then I'll declare bankruptcy and have my marriage debts reduced. This is assuming that I can make it until then without declaring bankruptcy. IF a miracle does happen, and I'm able to reverse the debts and build a savings, I save until my youngest is 18 (in 10 years), and start a new life. Either way, it looks like I'm stuck for the long haul. That's 10 years of smiling, putting up with her crap, and picking up the slack for her.

Any other solutions out there? I'm all ears.

cagedlion cagedlion
36-40, M
2 Responses Jul 9, 2012

i am in a similar situation but I have to wait 12 years not 10. Don't have any other debt but way upside down on my house too. I know your pain, its tough feeling so trapped, it makes getting up in the morning difficult. I have considered just walking away from my house and my marriage but I know eating the foreclosure would ruin my credit for years. But I might do it anyway, it might be better for my son who I dearly love and although I would have less time in terms of quantity, the quality of time I would get would be a thousand times better. You have to do whats best for your kids, best of luck to you!

its 2012 the courts are all for joint custody and fathers are getting custody everyday your kids will be better off knowing you are happy and not living in a unhappy household kids are smarter then we think.