Starving For Love

I have been married for seven years and together for twelve. I breakdown crying about two to three times a week. My husband is so consumed with himself and what he wants, that I might as well not exist. We have three beautiful children together. They are my life. I always dreamed of having a beautiful family & I got the children part, but the husband is a heartbreaking nightmare. He never compliments me at all anymore & that hurts alot. I have repeatedly voiced my pain and it just doesnt phase him. He couldnt care any less. I feel stuck in between a rock & a hard place. I keep waiting for things to change, but come on we all know thats not gonna ever happen. My heart aches everyday I wake up & every night I go to bed. I am a beautiful , funny, loving & talented woman. I deserve so much more in a relationship, yet never get it. Do I stay or walk away and start over? Im tired of basically begging him to just love me. Im so sad and confused.
deleted deleted
14 Responses Aug 5, 2012

Sexuality drives the love thing. After 40, it can all go downhill.

Sadly, many people marry the wrong people and unfortunately only later in life they find this out. Other times, people change physically, emotionally and even spiritually thus breaking the "magic" of a happy ever after married life. Number one thing is, whenever possible ,stay fit and attractive, whether a man or a woman so that your spouse has no reason to distance from you. The "I love you just the way you are is a myth." They love you they way you were when you met.
Stay true to that by eating right and exercising. The fastest way to kill a relationship is by denying sex without any good reason. Another thing to understand is that people do grow apart or grow closer together. It's a fact of life. Others stay married only because of the children. As a last resort, find someone else whom you are more compatible with. But divorce first.

Well...I am at 20 years with that problem. I am two years away from leaving (daughter off to college). It hurts, I wish I had great advice or pearls of wisdom.

Ther are some sorts of spells that works to help this kind of situation. merujhaspellcaster can be of great help if you don't mind talking to him as he has also helped me and 3 other ladies in almost the same situation as others on here...

I cannot believe someone else lives like me. I am married forv12 years have 2 wonderful boys. If it wasn't for my kids I would b long gone. I miss the man I used to love but he completely ignores me. We go out with other couples on Saturday nights, everyone thinks we have a great life. We don't even touch! Sleep in separate rooms, he even closes the door to his rom , when I hear the door close it breaks my heart. I am one of the best looking women in our town, all his friends tell him how lucky he is and he just smiles. There is always an excuse his health, money , exhaustion... The worst is my children are being raised in a house with no love. I'm so afraid to leave him because I want a family. I don't want to break up our union. I know that if I stay married I am kissing my happiness away. I already don't remember what it's like to be intimate with anyone. I feel so lonely and sad and so empty inside.

Hi Teach5, I know this was in January but has anything changed in your marriage? I am writing as your situation mirrors mine. I would be gone (and I'm not just saying that out of 'bravado') if I didn't have two lovely boys (9 and 7) who love their dad dearly. I am not going to screw their world up just because I have gone past the point of no return with him. We too, sleep in separate bedrooms, I know I look good for my age and take pride in my appearance. He looks like a dart player now. I feel exactly like you, lonely sad and empty inside.

Is there any hope for us?!!

Depending on his age , he might be sensitive about his performance in the bedroom. Make sure he\'s not addicted to ****. **** can slowly drive a man away from his wife. Or someone else. If you\'re beautiful and attractive, maybe he doesn\'t fee handsome anymore. If he has gained weight or doesn\'t look physically compatible to you, he might be self-conscious of his own appearance. There are cases which are just the oppostite of yours, where the wife never wants to be intimate with their husbands. Either way it hurts. Best to seek counseling and then a solution before it\'s too late to fix the situation.

I am in the same situation you are in. We have been married for 12 years, and I don't even get as much attention as the dogs. I cry myself to sleep each night in a bed to myself! There has to be more to marriage than this! All he does is talk about himself and mmwhat he does for me Around The house (which is very little). I would give anything to be single but have to much to loose if I leave him. I don't know what to do--I am miserable! I have been a good wife--I've supported him for 5 years keeping two jobs while he filed for disability. He does absolutely nothing but watch tv all day! I can't stand it!

Are you still in the marriage?
I too am in a similar situation but we are intimate.

Look at the situation. What changed since you have gotten married? We men are visual at times. We visualize women maintaining their figure and shape after kids. Unfortunately, this isn't the case and we tend to be less attentive. We also get comfortable after we made the conquest. Nothing to conquer. We get complacent. You have to make it happen. Try different things to at least peek his interest. Then go from there.

Darkman, you are making me laugh! Don\'t you think women are visual too? I\'ve known my husband now since I was 18, I\'m not approaching 40 and weigh half a stone heavier than I did when I met him at 18. He, on the other hand has an enormous stomach (do you have darts players in America - maybe a Homer Simpson comparison then - no, no, Tony Soprano - sorry James, R.I.P.), but you get my drift, right? I would have no desire to \'make something happen\' with him unless I was temporarily blinded!! Harsh, but true. He\'s the one who\'s let himself go in our relationship and I\'ve had two kids!

Have an affair!I might too.I know it is wrong and has bad consequences, but I am very lonely and angry in my get lazy, complacent, doesn't matter how pretty, wonderful we may be...I am married to a lazy lover, friend... My heart is incontinent and I know why...

I understand what you are saying. I have been with my husband for the exact same amount of time as you. We have 2 kids. I have always felt ignored that other things were more important. It feels like a losing battle.

I feel the same way. I have beautiful children and a great job etc. My husband is a narcicistic nightmare. He is hardly involved in our family's life and he dislikes our middle child so he just pretends that he does not exist ( on a good day). I don't know what to do. We have been together for more than 16 years. I fantasize about divorce and finding love again but we do not have enough money for separate homes. Wish I knew what to do.

I fantasise about someone running off with my husband, how bad is that?!!! I\'m going straight to hell!

I am kinda in the same place. Been married 5 years, we have a wonderful two year old son. My husband drink way to much way to often. Even when we dont have money he finds a way to drink.<br />
I am afraid to go out and leave them home together. I can't take the drinking any more. He knows how i feel but its always what he wants when he wants it. He doesn't ever show me he loves me, he says it but its hard to believe. <br />
It has drivin me back to my ex. What started out as friendly as turned into a little more. He makes me happy, not my husband. Sometimes i hate coming home. :-(

I'm very empathetic towards your situation because I am in the exact same position as you. We've been married for 9 years but only together fir a total if 10. We actually had a shotgun wedding which I don't regret bc we now have 3 beautiful children whom I live for, but being in an unhappy marriage is making me a very unhappy mom. I live for the hearts and flowers kind of romance and I am an ideal romantic, but my husband is far from that! He compliments me about 3x's a year and I would joke around by saying, "wow, I am going to mark that in my calendar!" Because his compliments are so infrequent. I know I am a pretty girl because my male co-workers would make comments about my looks that were not offensive, but flattering. I just wish my husband would be the one to tell me. Also, we are "intimate" maybe twice a month and even then I am the initiator and he often turns me down so I should be used to rejection by now, but it still hurts and I sometimes cry myself to sleep. We never kiss each other goodnight anymore or tell each other "I love you". All I want is to feel loved, wanted and appreciated and often voice I would love simple flowers "just because" or even for mothers or valentines day. I now find myself wanting to be with someone else and even fantasize about my ex which is really bad since he cheated on me often during our 7 year relationship. But he was the ideal romantic in and out of the bed and as pathetic as it seems I miss how that made me feel. I often threaten to leave him but he promises to be attentive but it quickly fades after 2 weeks and we're back at square one. I love him because he's a good provider and great father, but how long must I wait to finally find happiness? Are my complaints petty or are we better apart?

I wonder if your situation would improve with some reverse psychology. Your husband seems to love you. It sounds like you are chasing him though; try playing hard to get! I did this with my hub and it worked for quite awhile. I told him in a kind, casual way- "you know, I always used to wish you'd be more romantic with me, but lately I realized I've gotten so used to it, I don't really even want it anymore. In fact, that kind of attention would probably be annoying. I've got way too many other things going on right now!" and I made it a point to be busy when he was around- reading, texting friends, whatever. For the next few weeks he really went out of his way to do nice things for me! (although I'll admit it's only a temporary solution, it was nice while it lasted)

honey i am a male who is living ur nightmare with my sexless wife.she got the seven year itch many years ago and i am reliant on internet **** sites for my sexual jollies.have a discreet affair with a married man because if u leave him and the kids r not grown up he will haunt u.honey if the kids r grown up then walk away as he will not return to ur space no matter what u do or say.