Dazed And Confused.

My story expands over a 12 year marrage. It's been a long hard journey. I'll try to keep it simple. I try hard to think back to a happy time in my marrage, but I can't seem to find one. The story starts with a typical family. Three wonderful kids, house, and a dog. It has been a long deep thought of mine, just like a lot that I've read about, that I'm only here for the children. We have nothing in common, we share no intrest, we have no alone time, and she doen't seem to care about any of this then I try to reach out and talk to her about these problems. I have been 100% faithful, but it's getting harder and harder each passing year. I didn't know what to do anymore. So here I am, turning to strangers for help / advice. Like I said I've tried several times to talk to her about how I feel. I get the same reply everytime, "it's not that bad, we're not the only ones going through it, nothings wrong we're fine". I don't feel fine. If I did, then I wouldn't be trying to explain how I feel. When I get home from a hard day at work, or even an easy day at work, and I just wanna spend time with her. She's on the computer, like always. She'll be on it from the time she gets up til the time she goes to bed, unless she's working, then its from the time she get home til the time she goes to bed. You'd think she'd run out of things to do online, this has been going on for years. I understand happiness goes both ways, but if there is anything wrong, she won't talk to me about it. Just drowns herself in the computer all day long. No alone time of any kind. Going out to eat, taking the kids out somewhere, a date night. Anything just to connect. Sex has even become a full time job. Usually once or twice a month, if I'm lucky. And when we do it at all it's usually just hit it and quit it. Just hurry up and get off so she can go to sleep. Complete lose of connection and the whole reason for sex as a couple. I mean if I just wanted to hit it and quit it I could be sleeping with anybody. Am I wrong in just wanting to feel passion again, to get connected to my wife? Do may women that are just tired all the time, get their man off so they can just go to sleep, or is this just weird? I just don't know what to do anymore. I've tried to reach out to her and tell her how I feel. Now I'm reaching out to strangers. Can someone please give me some honest insight? Til then I'll just remain dazed and confused. Thanks for reading my story.
TDazed TDazed
31-35, M
2 Responses Feb 8, 2013

Your wife is right , "we're not the only ones going throught it ".
Your wife is wrong , " it's not that bad...nothing's wrong we're fine ". WRONG WRONG WRONG !
I'm sorry you are feeling so lonely in your marriage....this distance makes the whole 12 years feel like a waste of time.
Yes, it can sometimes be a case, when i'm tired that i will have sex with my husband for his sake rather than mine. But the only difference being that the focus is on him rather than me . I'm not aiming to clima*. The rest is the same. And this isn't something that happens now, it was when the kids were little.
Back then , i felt that there was a distance between he and i , but never really knew why .He would spend each night on the computer and have little to do with me, yet came to bed and wanted sex ( HELLO.... you do realise i exist ! ) . I got so mad every evening that i wanted to put an axe through the computer , just to get his attention.
Can't say this issue has been solved , now i feel like doing the same to my kids ( boys ) computers , xbox and ipods.

I know what you mean. Technology can be a real block in connection. Not only in husband and wife. But parents and children as well. I sometimes dream of grabbing the laptop and smashing it on the ground just to get a reaction. But then the realization of having to replace the equipment only to slip back to the cycle is just not worth it. Stuck in this rut and just needing to vent. Thanks to all.

I totally understand, it's a shame that technology has caused more problems than it has fixed.
In the end , if you can't beat them , join them , that's why i'm here for the last 6 months. At least there are people here that might be interested in what i have to say . And i'm very interested in what they wish to vent about.

It just makes me look back and wonder how long has this been this way? Have I just not missed it until just recently? Have I ever been truly happy? Why am I still here? It raises a bunch of questions. I too have drowned my sorrows in technology of video games as most men do. It takev my mind away and I stop thinking about real life. Wondering minds make it hard to sleep. Now here I am, my first blog vent session. LoL, a new step toward some direction. Better then laying motionless.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I have never been in that situation, but I am someone who can retreat into her own world for days at a time. Maybe your wife is similar? It does sound like you guys have disconnected, though, which is of course very painful. My best advice would be to push a little harder. Ask her to give you her undivided attention and explain how you feel. If she says it's not that bad, push back a little, tell her no, it IS that bad...for you, at least. And you really need her to listen to you. And you really want to work this out and reconnect. But in your own words, of course :) Best wishes!

Thanks for reading and taking time to reply. The story is long and deep. Like I said over a 12 year marriage. We've had "date nights" it usually buys us a day at most then its back to the normal routine. Its like she is just comfortable with the way life is. My talks make her say I'm over reacting. Just stuck in a rut. Thanks to anyone and everyone that listens to my babble..lol.