Do I Stay, Do I Go?

I am unhappily married for 5 years. we have very young children and this is the reason I stay.  I am college educated, so I am not worried about beinga ble to find a job if I left.  I have a very strong bond with my children and I think it would break me to leave the marriage. Plus I am not willing to share them. My husband is an emotionally neglectful, verbally abusive person to both me and my kids.  He also has an alcohol problem I believe.  I want to leave just about everyday, and I am unsure how long I can keep putting myself through this.  I worry that if I left and had to go back to work FT, share custody of my kids, it would be just toomuch for me emotionally.  Honestly, I just try to keep myself and the kids away from him. what a way to live........

emptiness emptiness
4 Responses Jan 19, 2009

Staying is also vary harmful to the kids

there is more out there. i am in similar situation. Ive been unhappily married for a long time and we have a son who will be 10 this year. My husband twists everything I say and makes out that I'm going mad etc, anything but recognise that I don't want to be with him. I have told him i no longer love him and he replied "well, you know what to do" to which I replied, "oh no, this is my home, too, and I will leave when I'm good and ready". When I am more financially secure, I will leave. I think we need to bide our time, save our money and in the meantime look out for somewhere to live. Our husbands have to by law (in the UK) provide for our children and for as long as they stay in education. I know my husband will make things difficult for me, as he can be controlling, but I will do it, and possibly within the next 2 years. In the meantime, I have decided to go out more with friends, and spend as much time with my son. I have told husband that I no longer wish to go out socially with him alone as i don't enjoy myself, as he can drink too much much and makes a prat of himself, leaving me feeling stupid and worthless. one day he'll wake up, and we won't be there, and I can't wait, there will be no regrets and i will finally feel free and in love with life again!

Wow... Sounds like you are talking about me. The ONLY reason I stay at this point is for financial reasons. I cannot find a job and going back to work FT means leaving my little one with the sitter. I have three kids and my two oldest were never in childcare. <br />
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I have been married for almost 13 years. Most of them not so good. It has gotten to the point where I can't even stand the sound of his voice or when he tries to touch me. He is an alcoholic and has never seem to like being around his family. He doesn't even eat at the dinner table with us. He takes his food to the room which is where he spends the majority of his time (when he is home) in a drunken stooper. I am constantly being accused of cheating, which I NEVER have. But, lately... I don't know. There has to be more out there for me... for all of us. We deserve better and so do our children.

I feel your pain - I too am college educated - I actually am a CPA but have been a stay at home mom for 7 years - I am currently looking for work but in this economy it does not look hopeful. My husband neglects me as well - when he is in a bad mood he completely ignores the children and me - but when things are well hes great - the problem is I never know which person is comming in home from work each day - I will leave him once I secure employement and establish a little savings because I don't want my children going through this for the rest of their lives. It's hard to make that decision but know that you are not alone