Living With Regret...

I have been married for 3 1/2 years, and I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter.  I can start this off by saying that I know I made a mistake by deciding to go through with this marriage.  We fought all the time, but I think that I was too concerned with saving face after all my wedding plans...dumb reason, I know.

Though my surprise honeymoon baby was a complete shock, she turned out to be the only good thing to come out of this all.

I don't know what I was thinking.  I think I was "in love" with the idea of happily ever after...and after being hurt badly by my ex-boyfriend, I think I settled for whatever was right there.  Now that I'm approaching my 30th birthday, I'm realizing that there is so much more to life and I want to be happy...with or without my husband.

I am very happy doing things on my own and with my family.  Whether or not my husband is there doesn't really matter, though honestly, I'd prefer he just let me be.  I could stay unhappily ever after if we could live separate lives together.  He keeps trying, because I think he just doesn't get it.  When we argue, he says that I'd pick my family over him...my response is always silence, as I can't ever yell back that he's wrong. 

I hear a lot of people are in the same boat as I am, and many stay for the children's sakes.  I can't seem to decide if it's better for us to stay together, but clearly dislike one another, or separate so that we can both find our chance at happiness, and even sanity!  And, show our daughter how it is to be "healthy". 

There are so many other factors...I hate, absolutely loathe, my in-laws, specifically the mother.  I'm sure the feeling is mutual as I took her "baby" away.  I can't stand his brother and his family.  I just made a terrible mistake that I must live with...or I need to find a way to change my current situation.

He works 2 jobs and I look forward to the evenings when he is gone, as I don't have to see him.  I even pretend to be asleep when he comes home so he won't talk to me.  If he'll just let me be, things could be somewhat ok...

UnhappilyEverAfter UnhappilyEverAfter
26-30, F
1 Response Feb 26, 2009

Unfortunate some of the choices we make, huh. remember to be true to your heart not your head, and you are all your baby has. It is a difficult time but the difficulty will pass and the joy of having your child is just growing. Good Luck