Nobody Is Happy

I have been married for almost 12 years and have 3 young children. I go in circles working, cooking and cleaning and trying to be a good wife and mom but nobody is every happy. Husband is always mad about something, yelling at the kids for anything and everything - on a power trip. He watches vulgar-language tv shows when the kids are still awake, curses over the dumbest things. Funny thing is he cannot control his temper, but expects the kids (even the 1 yr old) to control their emotions. If the baby cries he says put him in the crib, he needs an attitude adjustment. He says Gd Dm this and that when yelling at the kids. I am just so sick of it I wish I could walk away from this but cannot imagine how I would manage all this on my own, still I dream of the day I can leave him.

sostuck sostuck
36-40
4 Responses Mar 3, 2009

Same with my husband, when others are around he is different. I have 4 children. I have two older boys from my first marriage. I got married right out of high school to my high school boyfriend who I have always had a great relationship with. We both just thought we were missing something. My oldest is 21 then 18. I have two girls with my husband, they are 14 and 9. I will be 41 in two months. My older boys know him very well and know how he can be. He can be very mean and cruel when he is mad.

Yes, we are in a very similar boat. He can be so sweet and he will be playing with the baby and it seems like everything will be better but it never lasts long. Crazy thing is all my friends like him, my sisters both like him, he can be a real charmer when he wants to be - especially when others are around - but day to day he is a very selfish angry person and I fear it is rubbing off on me and worse, on my kids.<br />
I will be 39 this summer and I made a promise to my self to leave if I am still not happy at 40. So he has a year and a half left. <br />
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Do you have kids?

I feel for you. Your story sounds just like mine. I have been married 15yrs and with each passing year it gets more and more unhappy. I feel so stuck. It's so easy for people to say get out of it but it's just not that easy.<br />
He can be nice for a while and then it just goes back to the same old stuff. I find it hard to talk to people about it. I try to convice myself it will get better but it never seems to. I do home daycare and feel so trapped. I don't have many fiends because i just don't get out much.

I say stuff all the time. When he blows up I ask please calm down and I get "your making it worse". If he over reacts to the kids and freaks out and I say something he says "your not happy unless you contradict me". I have asked him to see someone about anger management but he says "ok Dr. Phil. Sometimes he seems to come around on down time and says he is sorry for being a jerk and wants to find a better way to communicate with the kids and I get my hopes up (because I do love him when he is being nice) but it rarely lasts, so it feels good to get it out and talk about it. Even other people have mentioned his anger issues to him but he never REALLY gets it. I swear I want to bug the whole house and video record a few days and let him watch it, maybe he would get it then.