Don't Want This to Be a Life Sentence

I never entered marriage with the idea of divorce - I am too much of a romantic to even ponder that at the same time that I am planning a wedding to who I hoped would be the man of my dreams.

My marriage has been a continuous struggle over the years - I can only remember brief moments of happiness that are getting shorter and fewer and farther between (and at this time, it has been about a year and a half since I last remember some semblance of tranquility in our marriage - and that feeling of true contentedness and happiness that we would briefly experience has not happened in over 9 years).

I am now about in my mid 40's and I am at the point that I can get so upset to think that this is how my WHOLE life is going to be - an unhappy, unsatisfying, stress-filled marriage.  I am NOT doing that.  I don't know what the best timing will be.  Since we are not fighting right now (because I now refuse to engage), we can stay for the sake of the kids and maintain tranquility and a feeling of family for them - as long as we aren't bickering or show open hostility and we are still doing things as a family, they seem happy and secure.  But if that delicate balance starts not to work, then I may consider a break sooner.  Otherwise, I will stay until the children are at least in college, but I am NOT forcing myself to serve a life sentence this way! 

DorothyofOz DorothyofOz
41-45, F
1 Response Mar 20, 2009

I know this is an old post, but I hope all is going well with you. I know how it feels. I know how lonely it can be. Good luck.