Empty Lonely and Miserable

hello...im glad to have found tis site because i like evryone here is unhappily married. i guess my story begins 13 years ago which is when i met my husband i was only 15 and he was 17. i loved him soooo much back then .... but i realize now what i didnt then is that he was slowly breaking me down, but i was at that point too blind to see it. well we eventually married and had a child right away...and since then i have been more miserable than i ever thought i would be. there has been alittle physical abuse, alot of mental and verbal abuse as well. he has played alot mind games too for instance he told me he wanted a divorce because he wanted to be with another woman so i had said ok and started to save to move out well within a couple of weeks he decided he didnt want to be with her anymore..and so therefore everyting was null and void so i was now suppose to give him another chance....really i wasnt given a choice in it ..... unfortunatley now im so sick of the sight of him. i cant even stand talking to him it makes me sick . and every night we fight about everything and nothing im soooooo tired of fighting.   i have tried to work things out make things better i have tried to make him see that sometimes the things he does are very hurtful , things do get better for awhile but always slowly return to normal. now im not saying im perfect because i know im not i have done some hurtful things as well ... i did try to end things but that hasnt worked and nothing i say or do can get me out of this mess...so i guess i have to accept that this is my life and make the best of it...tho that does make me very sad. i long for the time when i can honestly say i am happy.   i cant wait to meet like minded people and hopefully gain som hope.

ava12982 ava12982
26-30, F
18 Responses Sep 23, 2009

I know what you are going through my story is similar, I feel the exact emotional phases what you are putting up with you are not alone
from Ingosi

There support out there. Housing assistance (home) pay ur rent. Foodstamps ( to feed ur self and kids) and the worksource (for a job placement, school and daycare) get on feet. You CAN DO IT!! we don't need a men now this days. At least not MEN like that!!!!

Love For me is me History. LOVE goes out the window when responsibility and other factors come knocking at ur door.

Ava- call or text 832-576-4948

I recently heard that "All good things come to an end." But i believe relationships are different because they break u from inside, when they end. We expect a lot from life itself, that it would always be thrilling and adventurous. When we say we are different, then is the time we realize the needs, nature and character of the other person. And it would happen every time a relationship starts, because two persons cannot be alike. <br />
The biggest problem is that the same mistakes are committed from both ends thus making the relationship more vulnerable. We start trying to hide our emotions and communicate even less.<br />
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I will request to all of u to put in more efforts and communicate as much as possible, rather than putting more effort in finding a substitute. Please don't give up on someone if u really love them.

feduptoronto and any others. You can still go to the womens shelters and get some INFORMATION. Find out what your options are. Unless you find out what they are you don't have any. Just because you can't think of any way to make things work doesn't mean they don't know of any!!! This is what they do. Let them do what they do best, answer questions and give advice. For some of you it will at least give you something to do. <br />
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Think about it, this is a lot like bitching your hands are dirty and never sticking them under the water faucet. There may be things you can do to set yourself up so you can leave or do something about it. Find out what the rules of disengagement are.

I too am going through this same thing... I met my husband in high school at age 13... he was 14...<br />
we dated on and off in high school and eventually married him 8 years later... In the beginning we had problems due to his family...they are very overbearing and like to stick their noses into everyone's business... it didn't help that my husband would tell them everything and anything about our marriage and all of our fights which added to the problems in the first place....<br />
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Now 13 years later I'm married with 3 kids... he works and I stay at home...so of course I'm bored out of my mind all day just doing housework, cooking.. taking care of him, the kids and my home and not even any appreciation or affection comes my way...<br />
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You would think after all this time my husband would know me... my likes my dislikes everything... but any kind of occasion like Christmas, our anniversary etc etc he buys me crap... it's never anything that I've pointed out or hinted to all through the year... this year he didn't even want to take the kids out to buy something for me... and now he's withholding sex.... it's like I'm being punished... but when he wants sex.... he has to have it... and then after just goes to sleep...<br />
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I've tried talking to him... and he says he's tired of talking to me... He's walked out on me several times during arguments... only to come back and go to bed...<br />
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I have no job... no savings... no nothing... just 3 beautiful children.... and on top of that I have no one to talk to... no support system what so ever... I feel so alone... I've known him for half my life... and he says he doesn't want a divorce... what can I do... I don't know whether to leave or stay...

Though I am employed I feel the same way as you described. I have started reading this forum because I am unhappy and I have started blogging about my unhappiness (anonymous of course). I have over developed ways to deal with my unhappiness though I don't recommend taking the approach I have taken.

I think the first thing is to recognize your own unhappiness, then start being proactive in taking care of yourself.

Yes but for many they can. I know the longer you are in a relationship the more entangled you get in the whole home life building thing. Credit, jobs, bills and the nightmare goes on. Cut your losses as soon as you can. I know in some cases a rebuild would be better.

Things aren't always as easy as walking out the door. I have small children and with house and two mortgages. Without my spouse I cant afford to pay all the bills I owe. If I leave things will fall apart. Things wont get paid and both our credit could be ruined.

Ladies, there are shelters, USE THEM!!! I read many times where she just wants out. There are no mens shelters only womens. Women have more options than men do and yet is it easier to ***** about how bad it is or just get up and walk out the damn door and don't let it hit you in the *** on the way out. When he is gone to work or someplace leave then. Leave a note if you wish but leave.<br />
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Take care of yourself first!!! Life is supposed to be fun. If not, change your life. Only you can do this. What are you waiting for, a White Knight to come rescue you? The Knightmare you are with didn't, don't expect one out of the wood work. Yes ladies this is a verbal slap in the face or a verbal bucket of water in the face. Get up and get going no later than tomorrow morning. NOW GO!!!<br />
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Yes I do care, it is just now your turn to do the same for you.

I am in the same boat. We've been together since i was 15. I was also blind and very young. We married and had a baby as well. Now I just want out. Im so miserable I dont even want anything from him if I do leave.

As niteowl said its your choice, that puts you in charge of the situation not others messing with your life. Make a plan and keep to it, hugs,I hope every thing turns out ok

If you say you can't leave you can't leave. If you say you can leave you can leave. Either way you are right. It is your choice. It always has been and it always will be your choice. From the sound of things I hope you don't need a quarter to flip to help you make a new decision.

Ava sweet friend xoxoxoxoxo u are so caring ..and u deserve true lov both u and ur child.. much lov and respect..and it's waiting for u..when u least expect it..

thank u candy xoxoxoxoxoxox

If u are not happy u tried..u must move on..15-17 still just kid's..not enough time at that age to even experience life at all..not all marriages are bad married that young..just depends on the compatibility..life is too short tho for this ..u hav ur child to think of..not good growing up in this type of environment..must think of ur child..there are some ppl here in good relationships..<br />
in my prayers.. dear friend..may ur answers come soon i pray for ur happiness ...u hav the strength to do what u must..

i know hw u feel..just be strong and follow ur heart...

I am 28 years old...wanna hear something sad..I have only been married less than 4 months and I want out! I have been with him almost 8 years. We never talk, never have sex, and I am not in love with him. It is humiliating and overwhelming to think about starting over.

I feel sad and relieved at the same time hearing your story. I'm never like hearing about other woman going through relationship like that but for the first time I don't feel as alone knowing that other woman are in the same boat as I am. It just gives me more hope than what I had before..