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Confused

I have been married for 13 1/2 yrs, together 14 1/2. Me and my husband just stopped communicating. I cannot talk to him anymore.

I cannot get over his affair with my best friend of 19 years, And I have the constant reminder of his affair because of the child he had with her. My stepson is 3 1/2, I only found out about him last July, and it seems to get harder everyday.

I still love him I think, I don't know anymore, his mood swings are worse than mine and I am bipolar. Sometimes I wonder what I did, maybe it is because I am bipolar, I can't finger the problem. But now my house is a complete mess.

findingmyself73 findingmyself73 31-35, F 11 Responses Jul 15, 2008

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You are a patient person but it is eating your insides every timee you see your husband and son. I trued drinking it doesnt work after work i would go for a drink and stay till about *:00 at niht cause i didnt want to go home to silence and downgrading. Over 10 years ago i did two thing after almost getting to know a guard rail as i went thru the windshield not once but twice. I think that made me change my life i stopped drinking cold turkey and filed for legal seperation thats a other story and started to do thingd for myself. Please look in the mirror in the morrning every day and say im my best friend and you are beautiful and its a great day. If you ever need to talk im more than happy to talk to you. You are young and have a long and beautiful life to go. Steve

Well I just realized that "Finding" posted this over three years ago. I'm sure she has found a better life since then.

Finding -- May God Bless You. I though my issues were big (before I read yours). I came to this site with my own issues and I certainly want to get other people's opions so I hope you will allow me to throw a few things out there for you.



1. It sounds like you suffer from alcoholism and I would encourage you to stay focused on that issue. Do not miss you meetings. When you get the urge to drink then go to a meeting, and then more meetings. If you turn to alcohol you will be become useless and a burden to those around you and your life will be miserable. You can't even think about helping others if you can't help yourself. You have to focus on yourself first.



2. As you have already mentioned that little baby had no choice in this matter and is innocent. That being said that baby didn't come out of your womb so let it's mother take care of it or call social services. You have enough to deal with. Be kind, be loving, but don't be responsible.



3. You need to tell you husband that if he is serious about a relationship with you then the two of you and your family (if you have children, I don't see that you mentioned any) then you need to move. You are too great of a person to have live next door to your husband's mistress. If it is over then he will move, if it is not then you need to move. Unless you are OK with sharing your husband with your (former) best friend.



4. Read your Bible and trust in God. As horrible as things may seem better days are ahead for you. You just need to stop accepting the negative things that people in your life are providing for you. The first step is to get the negative people out of your life.



May God bless you.

i hope things get better n everything go well for u so sorry u r going through this :( that is horrible but god is good

I hope everything gets better for you

Well I am still sober. 66 days today as a matter of fact. And yes some days are easier than others. As time goes on it is getting a little better

that would be a living hell seeing every day thier afair seeing the child, thats so sad. that is the worst betrail of your husband and your best friend, thats so sad if hes pusing you to drink after you being sober ,thats a betrail in its self

sounds like hes try to get you to back to drinking councling should help you my prayers are with you

Thank You Alyce. That is exactly what I decided to do. I am examining myself and getting more involved in therapy. I have so many repressed past issues that at times my judgement becomes clouded.

Well we can't get away from her, she is our next door neighbor, and I do feel that you are right he is not meaning anything intentional. Yes bad feelings are coming back up to the surface, for some reason I am just having a hard time coping, my drinking had become a lot worse since I found out about the baby, and then I almost lost my life to alcohol and a stupid bottle of pills and realized that this little 3 yr old boy had not asked for any of this to happen, and he calls me Mommy and he kisses and loves me, it is slowly getting better, it is the trust issue that I think bothers me. My husband barely drinks, and she was smashed when it happened, I am so nervous about her being around him and vice versa that I am not gonna be home to celebrate New Years because I am afraid.

He just cannot listen to me without interrupting me. He offers to buy me beer even though he knows that I have been sober 42 days. The same woman he had an affair with likes to drink and he told me that it is not fair that she can't drink around me, hello whose side is he on then.



We have been having problems for awhile, but it is just getting worse.

yes I do, it is just so hard, I thought it would be easier than this for some reason, I wasn't this sad when I found out. I know my son is innocent, it just hurts.