Post

I hate my wife (My side of the story)

I have been married for over 10 years now. I got married when I was 21 years old and she was 20. Magically, she got pregnant shortly (about 1 month) after our wedding. now we have 2 children whom I love completely and am very proud of. My marriage, on the other hand, is miserable. I work outside the home and she is a house wife (she hates that title). When I come home from work I find that I am expected to clean the house (I usually do this on Saturday and/or Sunday). when I say clean the house I mean: dust, sweep, clean bathrooms, laundry, mop, etc. On Weekdays I am expected to help the children with their homework and possibly make dinner depending on who has what practice that evening.

I do not mind helping with the housework, but shouldn't she be doing something. From where I stand all I every see her do is watch TV, talk on the phone, and talk a nap. While she is doing these (except the nap) she is bitching at either me or the children.  Add to this that nothing I do seems to be good enough to satisfy her lust for more things. I make a damn good living and still can not seem to make enough to quench her thirst for "keeping up with the Jones".  Add to this that throughout our marriage I have been verbally abused, degraded both publicly and privately and basically taken her ****.

As an added bonus she put on weight with our first child and, I guess, decided she liked it because she added a little more. Now she weighs in at about 300 pounds. I know this is shallow sounding but quite frankly is a consideration. Not to mention she doesn't seem to like sex. Which is fine because I am not attracted to her.

Now, I will admit that I am not without fault. Yes, I have cheated on my wife (I have had 2 separate one-night stands).  I have lied. Starting about 1 year ago I basically stopped caring about her.

However, I have always strove to do the best I can and to provide the most and best that I can for my family. I don't expect to have a picture perfect marriage like "Leave it to Beaver" or anything like that. However, I would like to have a partner in life that works with me in achieving goals and solving problems. Instead I have a task master that ******* at me trying to get what she wants without having to do anything herself.
1SensualHeart 1SensualHeart 31-35, M 71 Responses Jun 15, 2007

Your Response

Cancel

I am 24 been with my wife for about 4 years now 3 weeks before are big day we found out she was due I am in the same boat I work 3rd shift and part time during the days my house looks like a pig sti she will not go talk to any one I realy do not know what to do I love my son more than life her not so much when we first got together she was like 170 now she is like 350 I don't know what to do I don't want my son to grow up getting told I don't love him

You are the only one allowing her behavior in this situation, by putting up with it you are enabling her to act this way. Please read up on co-dependency and get some counseling. Her JOB is housewife she should be making the house a home not a miserable place to be she probably has mental issues. My sister whom I have cut all ties with just got married and is EXACTLY how you describe your wife, I feel sorry for her husband but he allows her to be a lazy *****. Don't put up with it and don't regret your life get a divorce if that will make you happy. Maybe just ask for a trial separation until you go through counseling and decide if it is worth it.

It is best that you both sit and talk about the future. It is not in anyone's interest to continue if there is no love or affection. On the other hand, for the sake of the children many parents put up with each other. Do be abused and rubbished, is not something one should accept.

Why do you put up with this? She seems unhappy and is taking it out on you. Why doesn't she get a part time job and work while the kids are in school. She could use that money to pay for a maid, gardner and date nights. It could bring the two of you closer and would free up time for you both to have FUN together. In my family, my dad paid the bills, my mom paid for the frills. It worked well. She was a freelance writer.

Seems obvious you should leave her. Your daughter's dancing classes aren't that important - just give your daughter your time instead.

When kids are involved it IS SO SO hard to deal with mean women. I don't know where to start. But I know I'm not happy at all. My wife must have something wrong with her to always be so mean. Her tone of voice and she is incredibly demanding in a sick way. She always wants me to do everything for her..She can't even fo renew her license without me going with her. After 9 years I think shes gotten so dense in the head. She always screams at me about nothing. She even suggested we go out to this Indian restaurant she knows I like. She kept insisting I was going the wrong way..I mean repeating over and over..THIS IS NOT THE WAYYYYY...THIS IS NOT THE WAYYYYY. I almost believed her even though I was certain I was going the right way. I just said it once this is the right way. And just kept driving even though she kept repeating herself. And I went the right way. She even shocked herself I think. It really happened but it also is an example how she treats me and speaks with me. I can't take the negativity.

Make sure you have plenty of time for yourself. Tell her you are off to the football with the lads and you expect your dinner on the table when you get home. Stand by your words and tell her you are being entirely serious and that it is your right. When she fails express your disappointment and try again next week. This will introduce cultural change.

...or maybe a good slapping might sort her out quicker?

My partner racked up £30,000 on credit cards in my name,she owed £5000 to gas/electric/water/car and mortgage.She stole £6000 off my mum.She set up catalogue account in other members of my family names,then ordered phones,game consoles and clothes.She tried to ruin my sister wedding,by claiming her partner was having an affair (all anonymously by text),which was a lie.Sent anonymous poison letters to other members of my family. Basiclly,she's pure evil,but I didn't report her theft,and took full responsibility for the debt,as I thought she'd change (daughter would of been humiliated if people found out what her mother done). The lying ***** lived for today.Rather than tell me the full extent of our debt,so I could sort them out,she'd only admit to what she had too at the time. She sent a lot of my credit card bills to other addresses,so I wouldn't get them,and they wouldn't find me.Anyway,I can't leave her,as I can't afford the bills on my own,and I can't trust her to pay them if she leaves.My 11 year old daughter can't stand her,and would love me to leave her,but doesn't realise that her whole life would change if we had to live on just my income alone(music lessons,dancing and so forth,would all have to end). She's been living at her sisters for the last 2 months, due to the last credit card bill (£5000),I won't let her back untill she receives therapy,but if I had the money,I wouldn't have her back at all. Oh, and she's 22 weeks pregnant with my child, she reckons it was a mistake, some how I doubt it.

*WOW* HUGS*

That is really the pits. I'm sorry :(

Please write your grievances down. Have her do the same. Sit compare notes. Talk through it and see if both of you are willing or want to change the situation. Fix it or flush it. But quit whining and talk to her instead of us. Not being mean. Just been there. Make her read this. Please. For you. For her.

you should **** her in the *** with a tide bottle.

Have you spoken to her of your your concerns (not yell and fight), Talk together about what goals you want together?

Does she feel like an outsider in your world? Making a wife part of what you want as a team can work miracles. Maybe she feels insecure or useless because you are the breadwinner. That she needs a break away from the family, something for herself, some balance.

Start communication in a kind way, resentment and anger go nowhere.

It sounds as if she in insecure in her role.

I feel your pain. My wife is much like yours except she has always worked. "Her" job was more important, even though I made more. So when kids were sick, I stayed home. I had to drop kids at school and pick them up. If she needed to work late, the kids homework better be done, etc. So my boss wants 12 hr days, I can only work 8. Nothing like ******* the boss off. My wife did the same thing, after the second kid, she decided another 50 pounds would be cool. I tried a few times to show her a little extra weight was not a problem. Well it did not matter, she was not interested in sex. Now another 50 pounds. I am not even interested. She treats me like a hired hand, Do this, do that, the floors are not clean enough, etc. I work a full time job also, why can't she do some house work? OH! yeah, I forgot, she does the laundry! lol Whoo hoo! suddenly last week she is ripping me a new one. I just got out of the hospital. Why were my chores not done, and when was I planning to cut the grass? I pretty much told her as soon as I had my health back, I needed to change my address. Dense as usual, she ask me why I wanted to move, she loved this house. I had to tell her. I was not planning to take her with me! Silence! Then suddenly, "You are such a bastard". Yup! that's me! I am fed up! I just want a quiet life, where I can do something I like for a change. As for affairs...close, but I decided that would not be cool, and ended up not doing it. Stupid me!

We men are too soft generally. I like your change of address thing - lol!!! Keep up the good work!

The reason I stay in my marriage is because of my daughter! My wife is a beater also which isn't any fun especially when your holding your baby girl as she wails on you. I'm tough no worries right? Then the church we go to she spreads rumors about me when I can't make it. She works but complains about it nonstop as if she thought it was going to be easy. The weight gain is awful because she complains but didn't use Zumba, the gym membership, p90 x, or and of the other things I've wasted money on for her. I think she ate them. I spent 4 years in a coal mine putting her through school and now she is supposed to help me get my degree, pssh! What was I thinking, she black mails me, saying how shell leave me and take my daughter from me. My daughter is in my heart, blood, soul! She is my reason for life! What makes women think they have the right to use children as weapons in a bad marriage. She doesn't care about our daughter! She will throw a fit and scream her head off until I ignore her long enough. These screaming, hitting, and throwing sessions consist of me trying to contort my one year old as she cries cause mommy's scaring her! Makes me want to put her in her place! SO TO THE AUTHOR AND EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS SITUATION, IM SORRY! I'm sorry for being belittled and beat and depressed and unloved and most of all Im sorry this isn't Saudi Arabia! Because I'd have her stoned by my daughter for all the times mommy hurt and scared her before she turned one year old. ~Jared~

I would recommend that you document the physical abuse of both you and your daughter and talk to an attorney. I do not know where you live but where I live if one spouse is abusive they will not get custody of the children. This should allow you divorce her and keep your daughter. Also, you would get child and maybe alimony so she gets to work her beloved job and give you sizable portion of the income from it. Just some food for thought.

out of interest does your wife get along well with her own mother?

The reason I stay in my marriage is because of my daughter! My wife is a beater also which isn't any fun especially when your holding your baby girl as she wails on you. I'm tough no worries right? Then the church we go to she spreads rumors about me when I can't make it. She works but complains about it nonstop as if she thought it was going to be easy. The weight gain is awful because she complains but didn't use Zumba, the gym membership, p90 x, or and of the other things I've wasted money on for her. I think she ate them. I spent 4 years in a coal mine putting her through school and now she is supposed to help me get my degree, pssh! What was I thinking, she black mails me, saying how shell leave me and take my daughter from me. My daughter is in my heart, blood, soul! She is my reason for life! What makes women think they have the right to use children as weapons in a bad marriage. She doesn't care about our daughter! She will throw a fit and scream her head off until I ignore her long enough. These screaming, hitting, and throwing sessions consist of me trying to contort my one year old as she cries cause mommy's scaring her! Makes me want to put her in her place! SO TO THE AUTHOR AND EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS SITUATION, IM SORRY! I'm sorry for being belittled and beat and depressed and unloved and most of all Im sorry this isn't Saudi Arabia! Because I'd have her stoned by my daughter for all the times mommy hurt and scared her before she turned one year old. ~Jared~

I hate my car, my wife keep talking my life...She best me down and now I'm smokin ' the pipe.

I Feel Your pain Bro. I have been married for 15 years now. I feel very alone. I feel like all i am to her is a work horse. She works part time. i work second shift so it works for the kid. Its just that i loose a lot of time with my little girl. I love my daughter. She is the light in my soul. I believe that my wife does mean well, just does not know how to make it work. She is very controlling. Its her way or the highway. she complains about everything. My father just recently visited me from out of state. I took a day off to spend time with him and mu daughter. I haven't seen him in about 4 years. She bitched about it because she me to watch my time off so i could get time for the holidays at "her parents house" for the holidays. Every year we are at her family's house for the holidays. they live out of state as well. we are always there. They go with us on every vacation to the beach. Even her cousins go with us. I try to talk to her and she just doesn't listen to me. She doesn't respect me. You know the guys out there that drink every night, bowling night, dart league, softball in the summer, hangin with the boys. not me. I go to school so i can get better hours at work so i can have better hours with the family. I work second shift, then i work on the house in the morning. I dont do anything for my self. i just recently went back to the gym. been feeling good bout it. Wife on me to get back in shape. 2 weeks go by, i go after work. she makes the comment, are there any good looking girls there. nothing is simple. I started volunteering at my kids school. You know cleaning up around the church. (she goes to catholic school) now shes ot a problem with me spending time there. She says maybe they think your trying to take there job. lol. Honestly i go there because it makes me feel good to give back, pay it forward if you will. And, maybe on the off chance that i get to see my daughter for a few seconds during the morning that's all the better. I am no saint. I don't claim to be. I just don't know what to do. I am miserable. My days off rotate, so some days during the week i get to be home for the kid and do homework with her. the wife doesn't want me to do it. she says it disturbs her schedule. Really how many fathers do you know that actually want to be around there kids. I know many that hate being fathers. I could go on and on. I am sitting here writing this and thinking to myself as to how tired i am. Constant remarks, comments, blaming, etc. I'm just tired. Tired of trying. I cant even play with my daughter around the wife, because i will wrestle with her and play tickle monster with her etc. She is 5 by the way. The wife complains that it winds her up and not to do that because a fricken docter wrote somewhere, blah, blah, blah. So i don't interact with me kid when the wife is around, because i don't want the hassle. Pathetic, i know. Just part of my story. Thanks for listening.

I feel you man, sometimes you want to think it over who really is causing this kind of stress. But in some point of course you favor yourself of thinking that she is too much already. Some wives got too much of insecrurities that cause them to act like they are being cheated well infact not. Trust on the other hand is a big factor that somerimes every difficult to achieve. I don't know man but try to weigh your problem and understand all situation and consider your kids too. There is no permanet in this world though i hope the changes you wish for is for the benefit of all.

This is similar in some ways to my situation. My wife is home with the kids and I work in another city and am away all week. I had to do this because we couldn't afford our bills. My wife is a self-employed attorney, but doesn't make much (or if she does, she keeps it hidden from me). I pay all of the bills and even give her money for her business from time to time.



We have two small children, but our house is always a mess. She claims it's b/c she's busy with the kids and work, which I could understand if she was actually making money at work (I pay for a babysitter 1 day a week). I know it's difficult for her, but even before we had kids she made no money. And she's a slob. Again, she blames it on being busy, but that's not the case. I remember her apartment being a mess and actually not wanting to sleep in her bed b/c it looked (and felt) like the sheets hadn't been changed in a long time. I actually remember cleaning her shower (covered in mold) one of the times I spent the night. So, really I'm partly to blame I guess, since I knew all of this beforehand.



I guess I resent her b/c I work hard (my best friend keeps telling me to take it easy -- that he's afraid I'm going to have a heart attack or stroke). I generally work 10-12 hr days and nearly my entire paycheck (and I make an excellent amount of money -- I'm lucky in that respect) goes towards our house, bills, etc. Yet I keep getting further and further into debt.



In addition, she doesn't like my mothers side of the family and doesn't want me (or our kids) to ahve a relationship with my mother. Yes, my mother has caused her share of problems, but how can I not speak to my mother. She also does things to help us out, but "1 aw sh*t take away a thousand atta-boys".



All in all I see my wife as lazy, sloppy and self-centered. She rarely expresses her concern for me -- it's usually about how tough she has it. How hard and stressful it is to be an attorney. Yeah, I'm sure a closing on a house is stressful. She had the nerve to ***** about her situation while I was over in Afghansitan getting shot at and looking out for the safety of my 5 trooops I worked with as a team.



I'd like to leave, but I love my kids and don't want to not see them. I've made a lot of sacrifices in my life and I see it now as another sacrifce, but this time for my kids. If I leave, they'll live in squalor -- dog crap/urine in the house; fruit flies from rotten fruit; dirty dishes (my kids bottle had mold on it around the rim of the plastic nipple -- she's etither too lazy or too dumb to see it and clean it); the house stinking of dirty diapers, etc. I could go on.



I guess all those years ago I was impressed that she was an attorney (I have an MBA but wanted to go to law school) and I chose not to believe what I saw about her. Now I want out, but will try to hold out until I can retire in a few years (yeah, she'll get a nice chunk of my pension -- no matter what I'm screwed -- talked to friend of mine who's an attorney and he said while things have changed, it's still better to be a woman in a divorce, especailly if kids are invovled). Maybe if I'm retired though I could get residential custody?



I wish I had some advice for you, but I don't. For me though, this was a good place to air my feeling that have been bottled up in me the last year or two.

She needs a job and a dietician.

I am in the same marriage, except I am the wife and a lot less than 300lbs but have put on a lot and am not near the 128lbs 5'7" babe I was. Your story gave me insight to my husband's feelings. Here's my take, YOU cheated, she HAS NOT forgiven you nor will she. She is overwhelmed and a bit lazy, she knows once a cheater always a cheater. She wants to leave you but is afraid of being a single mom, etiher because of financial reasons (insurance, retirement , house, etc...). She hates herself for staying with you because when she was a young babe she was hit on by married pigs. She told herself she felt sorry for the wife and would never be one of those wives. Now she hates you for cheating on her and hates herself for staying. She cannot have sex with you cause as much as her weight gain scares your infidelity scares her (think STD and gross). Let me guess, before the affair you had good sex and lots of oral sex, kids came along, you felt neglected, so you cheated. In my case, I was only about 10 lbs heavier than my pre-baby weight but my husband kept teasing me about my weight and kept wanting to play with my breasts when I was still nursing. I hated it, so he felt neglected and cheated. I hated myself for staying with a cheater, for believing his lies and I hated him. I hated that my kids had such an immoral dad. So, I stayed up late, watched tv (before I didn't even own one) and daydreamed about a better husband. Oh, I got fat and lazy. No motivation to please him, because I felt I had been giving it my all pre-affair. After the affair I lost all respect for him and all desire to please him. I had been doing all these things before and it threw it all away. I don't think most marriages can survive an affair. I believe an affair is a symptom of a bad marriage, usually with both partners at fault for the bad marriage. But ultimately, it cannot be undone ever.

I'm with you brother. I hate my wife but she threatens me often even with having me arrested for things I haven't done. I am miserable and if I wasn't so financially tied up with my house and in a good job I would leave and never return. She makes me miserable and I often contemplate ending my life. I have told her this repeatedly but she just plays the victim.

sorry mate , it's hard like that. I told my ex to leave after 7 years of abuse (yeah she hit me) when i asked her why she replied (because you wont hit me back) not only abusive but a coward.

I had a 5 year old daughter and i told my ex to leave on xmas day after a row because i couldn't stand the pain anymore. And you know what it was the best thing ever did. My daughter is fine and well balanced and i hav a great relationship with her. I gave up my weekends for 15 years to be with her.

The new wife is well, better but we aren't getting on too well.

My advice is DON'T stay together for the sake of the kids, they are not stupid and will feel the tension in the air, they cope very well if you do it right, and you will be happier without her, and the kids will see you happier in turn making them happier.

It doesn't sound like she's about to change.

dump her and start again, there is life beyond and you do meet others.

I am in the exact...I mean exact same boat. Her day consists of watching tv face booking and stuffing her face....thats it. I work 65 hours + a week orbetween my 2 jobs and still the second I get home shes mad about something..I didnt do this...or I should be doing that....Or even better yet Im not really working at all Im out screwing around...what ever....I guses im paying all her bills with the money tree I got growing in the back yard.....Shes got nothing better to do than sit around and create imaginary scenarios of what i am and am not doing.....I know hate is a strong word but not strong enough to describe how I feel for her.....Id leave her in a heart beat but I cant afford a divorce and she will want to take me for everything I got

Everyone skips the fact that you are a cheater. Stands to reson that you are prob a liar.

i wonder when the cheating happened though. chickens n eggs n all that

good for you for cheating i also married a **** and will be seeing a divorce lawyer shortly

I was in a similar situation except for my chick is speer hott perfect body..so I may think of her a little bit differently..but dude you guys need to man up..whatever she says is bullshit she can't throw you in jail all she can do is take you to court and so what if she gets half your **** let her have it there's always other chicks..if she's treating you like crap she's probly bangin some other looser already..get rid of her hit the gym and find you a hotter chick who treats you right..if your both miserable your kids are just a miserable..300 pounds come on...look your self in the mirror if you done know who you are its time to find your self and treat your self...let her go not worth it...

u r like me, I am stuck because I love my two kids, I am unhappy, but I think Divorce is the only solution, I am waiting for my kids to grow just a bit more so they can understand.

I too feel the pain of the trap. The unresolvable situation. I would truly love to never, EVER see my 'wife' ever again, but I cannot live without my son and I won't wreck his life. I tell myself that I have lived my life, made my choices, and it's about my child's life now. I work hard at my job and at home. She spends money without restraint, is lazy and fat, abusive, never satisfied, and is generally a F'ing troll. We haven't had sex in 5 years....half the span of our entire marriage - this is my choice, not hers. I cannot ever see myself wanting her again. My disgust for her transcents mere obesity...I despise ever aspect of her personality. I too am a 'nice guy' that ends up as a doormat. I could stab my eyes out for ignoring the multitude of red flags, beause I believed in perseverance and fortitude.....F that. I swear to God she wasn't like this before we were married. In hindsight, we were completely wrong for each other from the start.



I tell myself that it doesn't matter now. I must carry on for my son for as long as I can. But it gets harder every year and that voice of discontent in my head continues to get louder. Every time she throws a tantrum, makes a huge mess and refuses to clean it up, or bounces a check, etc. that voice grows louder. I don't need advice from anyone. I don't need to hear about how the 'kids are better off if you leave' bla bla. I am a child of divorce and I remember the day my parents told my my world was changing forever. I know my duty. My child is all that matters to me, but the pain of the trap is always there. I feel as though I have locked myself in a cell....I hold the key but i am bound by love and honor not to use it.



It is good to share the story to other human beings thought.



Good luck to you in whatever road you take. Sorry, I have no advice for you. I can only say I share your pain.

Yep, unfortunately sometimes there are superwomen and supermen. I go to school full time, have 2 part jobs, do the laundry, cleaning, most of the cooking, pay the bills (my wife can't handle talking to people on the phone or seeing how much money "she" is losing) and am the vast majority care giver and educator to our daughter.



My wife has a part time job she is underqualified for, turns down promotions, puts only face effort into trying to go back to school or do anything with her life, and spends most of her day flirting with men and women to try and feel good about herself. i am sorry shes depressed and all but she is messing up our marriage and our family, so after I found out she cheated on me I told her straight up she could have a boyfriend or girlfriend. She eventually invited a girl she was seeing over, the girl over a month period saw I was straight up awesome and told me I should leave my wife, I told her I was going to, showed her the divorce papers my lawyer just drew up then I had sex for about 6 hours straight with my wifes girlfriend, then told my wife. Apparentally my wife didnt like that I could sleep with other people and only she should be able to break our marriage vows.



it didnt matter, I am divorcing her. Your kids are better off with your wife out of the picture, and ALWAYS divorce them as soon as you can, the longer you stay the more $ they get. And a pimp should give a Ho nothing, 0 dollars. Not all women are hos, but if a woman is lazy, uses sex to get with you, then denies it and gets lazier. She is a ho.

I'm going through something similar :( I feel sorry for you bro.

I got married about 16 years ago. The first couple years was great. Then I cought her messing around behind my back. The relationship went down hill and I could never trust her again. The only reason that I have not ask for a divorce is because we have a 12 year old that loves his parents very much. We try to hide our dislike for one another so my kid will not notice it. But I am misrable and although I am in my early 50's I still get looks from ladies. I have never cheated on my wife but I work with a lot of women young and old and have been tempted many times. I have the same problem that a lot of men have, divorce only works for women and I am not ready to give her half of what I have worked for all these years, so I am stuck in this relationship.

being stuck in the relationship doesn't stop you doing what she did and go out and have a good time with other women