Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

I hate my wife (My side of the story)

I have been married for over 10 years now. I got married when I was 21 years old and she was 20. Magically, she got pregnant shortly (about 1 month) after our wedding. now we have 2 children whom I love completely and am very proud of. My marriage, on the other hand, is miserable. I work outside the home and she is a house wife (she hates that title). When I come home from work I find that I am expected to clean the house (I usually do this on Saturday and/or Sunday). when I say clean the house I mean: dust, sweep, clean bathrooms, laundry, mop, etc. On Weekdays I am expected to help the children with their homework and possibly make dinner depending on who has what practice that evening.

I do not mind helping with the housework, but shouldn't she be doing something. From where I stand all I every see her do is watch TV, talk on the phone, and talk a nap. While she is doing these (except the nap) she is bitching at either me or the children.  Add to this that nothing I do seems to be good enough to satisfy her lust for more things. I make a damn good living and still can not seem to make enough to quench her thirst for "keeping up with the Jones".  Add to this that throughout our marriage I have been verbally abused, degraded both publicly and privately and basically taken her ****.

As an added bonus she put on weight with our first child and, I guess, decided she liked it because she added a little more. Now she weighs in at about 300 pounds. I know this is shallow sounding but quite frankly is a consideration. Not to mention she doesn't seem to like sex. Which is fine because I am not attracted to her.

Now, I will admit that I am not without fault. Yes, I have cheated on my wife (I have had 2 separate one-night stands).  I have lied. Starting about 1 year ago I basically stopped caring about her.

However, I have always strove to do the best I can and to provide the most and best that I can for my family. I don't expect to have a picture perfect marriage like "Leave it to Beaver" or anything like that. However, I would like to have a partner in life that works with me in achieving goals and solving problems. Instead I have a task master that ******* at me trying to get what she wants without having to do anything herself.
1SensualHeart 1SensualHeart 31-35, M 71 Responses Jun 15, 2007

Your Response

Cancel

I am 24 been with my wife for about 4 years now 3 weeks before are big day we found out she was due I am in the same boat I work 3rd shift and part time during the days my house looks like a pig sti she will not go talk to any one I realy do not know what to do I love my son more than life her not so much when we first got together she was like 170 now she is like 350 I don't know what to do I don't want my son to grow up getting told I don't love him

You are the only one allowing her behavior in this situation, by putting up with it you are enabling her to act this way. Please read up on co-dependency and get some counseling. Her JOB is housewife she should be making the house a home not a miserable place to be she probably has mental issues. My sister whom I have cut all ties with just got married and is EXACTLY how you describe your wife, I feel sorry for her husband but he allows her to be a lazy *****. Don't put up with it and don't regret your life get a divorce if that will make you happy. Maybe just ask for a trial separation until you go through counseling and decide if it is worth it.

It is best that you both sit and talk about the future. It is not in anyone's interest to continue if there is no love or affection. On the other hand, for the sake of the children many parents put up with each other. Do be abused and rubbished, is not something one should accept.

Why do you put up with this? She seems unhappy and is taking it out on you. Why doesn't she get a part time job and work while the kids are in school. She could use that money to pay for a maid, gardner and date nights. It could bring the two of you closer and would free up time for you both to have FUN together. In my family, my dad paid the bills, my mom paid for the frills. It worked well. She was a freelance writer.

Seems obvious you should leave her. Your daughter's dancing classes aren't that important - just give your daughter your time instead.

When kids are involved it IS SO SO hard to deal with mean women. I don't know where to start. But I know I'm not happy at all. My wife must have something wrong with her to always be so mean. Her tone of voice and she is incredibly demanding in a sick way. She always wants me to do everything for her..She can't even fo renew her license without me going with her. After 9 years I think shes gotten so dense in the head. She always screams at me about nothing. She even suggested we go out to this Indian restaurant she knows I like. She kept insisting I was going the wrong way..I mean repeating over and over..THIS IS NOT THE WAYYYYY...THIS IS NOT THE WAYYYYY. I almost believed her even though I was certain I was going the right way. I just said it once this is the right way. And just kept driving even though she kept repeating herself. And I went the right way. She even shocked herself I think. It really happened but it also is an example how she treats me and speaks with me. I can't take the negativity.

Make sure you have plenty of time for yourself. Tell her you are off to the football with the lads and you expect your dinner on the table when you get home. Stand by your words and tell her you are being entirely serious and that it is your right. When she fails express your disappointment and try again next week. This will introduce cultural change.

...or maybe a good slapping might sort her out quicker?

My partner racked up £30,000 on credit cards in my name,she owed £5000 to gas/electric/water/car and mortgage.She stole £6000 off my mum.She set up catalogue account in other members of my family names,then ordered phones,game consoles and clothes.She tried to ruin my sister wedding,by claiming her partner was having an affair (all anonymously by text),which was a lie.Sent anonymous poison letters to other members of my family. Basiclly,she's pure evil,but I didn't report her theft,and took full responsibility for the debt,as I thought she'd change (daughter would of been humiliated if people found out what her mother done). The lying ***** lived for today.Rather than tell me the full extent of our debt,so I could sort them out,she'd only admit to what she had too at the time. She sent a lot of my credit card bills to other addresses,so I wouldn't get them,and they wouldn't find me.Anyway,I can't leave her,as I can't afford the bills on my own,and I can't trust her to pay them if she leaves.My 11 year old daughter can't stand her,and would love me to leave her,but doesn't realise that her whole life would change if we had to live on just my income alone(music lessons,dancing and so forth,would all have to end). She's been living at her sisters for the last 2 months, due to the last credit card bill (£5000),I won't let her back untill she receives therapy,but if I had the money,I wouldn't have her back at all. Oh, and she's 22 weeks pregnant with my child, she reckons it was a mistake, some how I doubt it.

*WOW* HUGS*

That is really the pits. I'm sorry :(

Please write your grievances down. Have her do the same. Sit compare notes. Talk through it and see if both of you are willing or want to change the situation. Fix it or flush it. But quit whining and talk to her instead of us. Not being mean. Just been there. Make her read this. Please. For you. For her.

you should **** her in the *** with a tide bottle.

Have you spoken to her of your your concerns (not yell and fight), Talk together about what goals you want together?<br />
Does she feel like an outsider in your world? Making a wife part of what you want as a team can work miracles. Maybe she feels insecure or useless because you are the breadwinner. That she needs a break away from the family, something for herself, some balance.<br />
Start communication in a kind way, resentment and anger go nowhere. <br />
It sounds as if she in insecure in her role.

I feel your pain. My wife is much like yours except she has always worked. "Her" job was more important, even though I made more. So when kids were sick, I stayed home. I had to drop kids at school and pick them up. If she needed to work late, the kids homework better be done, etc. So my boss wants 12 hr days, I can only work 8. Nothing like ******* the boss off. My wife did the same thing, after the second kid, she decided another 50 pounds would be cool. I tried a few times to show her a little extra weight was not a problem. Well it did not matter, she was not interested in sex. Now another 50 pounds. I am not even interested. She treats me like a hired hand, Do this, do that, the floors are not clean enough, etc. I work a full time job also, why can't she do some house work? OH! yeah, I forgot, she does the laundry! lol Whoo hoo! suddenly last week she is ripping me a new one. I just got out of the hospital. Why were my chores not done, and when was I planning to cut the grass? I pretty much told her as soon as I had my health back, I needed to change my address. Dense as usual, she ask me why I wanted to move, she loved this house. I had to tell her. I was not planning to take her with me! Silence! Then suddenly, "You are such a bastard". Yup! that's me! I am fed up! I just want a quiet life, where I can do something I like for a change. As for affairs...close, but I decided that would not be cool, and ended up not doing it. Stupid me!

We men are too soft generally. I like your change of address thing - lol!!! Keep up the good work!

The reason I stay in my marriage is because of my daughter! My wife is a beater also which isn't any fun especially when your holding your baby girl as she wails on you. I'm tough no worries right? Then the church we go to she spreads rumors about me when I can't make it. She works but complains about it non<x>stop as if she thought it was going to be easy. The weight gain is awful because she complains but didn't use Zumba, the gym membership, p90 x, or and of the other things I've wasted money on for her. I think she ate them. I spent 4 years in a coal mine putting her through school and now she is supposed to help me get my degree, pssh! What was I thinking, she black mails me, saying how shell leave me and take my daughter from me. My daughter is in my heart, blood, soul! She is my reason for life! What makes women think they have the right to use children as weapons in a bad marriage. She doesn't care about our daughter! She will throw a fit and scream her head off until I ignore her long enough. These screaming, hitting, and throwing sessions consist of me trying to contort my one year old as she cries cause mommy's scaring her! Makes me want to put her in her place! SO TO THE AUTHOR AND EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS SITUATION, IM SORRY! I'm sorry for being belittled and beat and depressed and unloved and most of all Im sorry this isn't Saudi Arabia! Because I'd have her stoned by my daughter for all the times mommy hurt and scared her before she turned one year old. ~Jared~

I would recommend that you document the physical abuse of both you and your daughter and talk to an attorney. I do not know where you live but where I live if one spouse is abusive they will not get custody of the children. This should allow you divorce her and keep your daughter. Also, you would get child and maybe alimony so she gets to work her beloved job and give you sizable portion of the income from it. Just some food for thought.

out of interest does your wife get along well with her own mother?

The reason I stay in my marriage is because of my daughter! My wife is a beater also which isn't any fun especially when your holding your baby girl as she wails on you. I'm tough no worries right? Then the church we go to she spreads rumors about me when I can't make it. She works but complains about it non<x>stop as if she thought it was going to be easy. The weight gain is awful because she complains but didn't use Zumba, the gym membership, p90 x, or and of the other things I've wasted money on for her. I think she ate them. I spent 4 years in a coal mine putting her through school and now she is supposed to help me get my degree, pssh! What was I thinking, she black mails me, saying how shell leave me and take my daughter from me. My daughter is in my heart, blood, soul! She is my reason for life! What makes women think they have the right to use children as weapons in a bad marriage. She doesn't care about our daughter! She will throw a fit and scream her head off until I ignore her long enough. These screaming, hitting, and throwing sessions consist of me trying to contort my one year old as she cries cause mommy's scaring her! Makes me want to put her in her place! SO TO THE AUTHOR AND EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS SITUATION, IM SORRY! I'm sorry for being belittled and beat and depressed and unloved and most of all Im sorry this isn't Saudi Arabia! Because I'd have her stoned by my daughter for all the times mommy hurt and scared her before she turned one year old. ~Jared~

I hate my car, my wife keep talking my life...She best me down and now I'm smokin ' the pipe.

I Feel Your pain Bro. I have been married for 15 years now. I feel very alone. I feel like all i am to her is a work horse. She works part time. i work second shift so it works for the kid. Its just that i loose a lot of time with my little girl. I love my daughter. She is the light in my soul. I believe that my wife does mean well, just does not know how to make it work. She is very controlling. Its her way or the highway. she complains about everything. My father just recently visited me from out of state. I took a day off to spend time with him and mu daughter. I haven't seen him in about 4 years. She bitched about it because she me to watch my time off so i could get time for the holidays at "her parents house" for the holidays. Every year we are at her family's house for the holidays. they live out of state as well. we are always there. They go with us on every vacation to the beach. Even her cousins go with us. I try to talk to her and she just doesn't listen to me. She doesn't respect me. You know the guys out there that drink every night, bowling night, dart league, softball in the summer, hangin with the boys. not me. I go to school so i can get better hours at work so i can have better hours with the family. I work second shift, then i work on the house in the morning. I dont do anything for my self. i just recently went back to the gym. been feeling good bout it. Wife on me to get back in shape. 2 weeks go by, i go after work. she makes the comment, are there any good looking girls there. nothing is simple. I started volunteering at my kids school. You know cleaning up around the church. (she goes to catholic school) now shes ot a problem with me spending time there. She says maybe they think your trying to take there job. lol. Honestly i go there because it makes me feel good to give back, pay it forward if you will. And, maybe on the off chance that i get to see my daughter for a few seconds during the morning that's all the better. I am no saint. I don't claim to be. I just don't know what to do. I am miserable. My days off rotate, so some days during the week i get to be home for the kid and do homework with her. the wife doesn't want me to do it. she says it disturbs her schedule. Really how many fathers do you know that actually want to be around there kids. I know many that hate being fathers. I could go on and on. I am sitting here writing this and thinking to myself as to how tired i am. Constant remarks, comments, blaming, etc. I'm just tired. Tired of trying. I cant even play with my daughter around the wife, because i will wrestle with her and play tickle monster with her etc. She is 5 by the way. The wife complains that it winds her up and not to do that because a fricken docter wrote somewhere, blah, blah, blah. So i don't interact with me kid when the wife is around, because i don't want the hassle. Pathetic, i know. Just part of my story. Thanks for listening.

I feel you man, sometimes you want to think it over who really is causing this kind of stress. But in some point of course you favor yourself of thinking that she is too much already. Some wives got too much of insecrurities that cause them to act like they are being cheated well infact not. Trust on the other hand is a big factor that somerimes every difficult to achieve. I don't know man but try to weigh your problem and understand all situation and consider your kids too. There is no permanet in this world though i hope the changes you wish for is for the benefit of all.

This is similar in some ways to my situation. My wife is home with the kids and I work in another city and am away all week. I had to do this because we couldn't afford our bills. My wife is a self-employed attorney, but doesn't make much (or if she does, she keeps it hidden from me). I pay all of the bills and even give her money for her business from time to time. <br />
<br />
We have two small children, but our house is always a mess. She claims it's b/c she's busy with the kids and work, which I could understand if she was actually making money at work (I pay for a babysitter 1 day a week). I know it's difficult for her, but even before we had kids she made no money. And she's a slob. Again, she blames it on being busy, but that's not the case. I remember her apartment being a mess and actually not wanting to sleep in her bed b/c it looked (and felt) like the sheets hadn't been changed in a long time. I actually remember cleaning her shower (covered in mold) one of the times I spent the night. So, really I'm partly to blame I guess, since I knew all of this beforehand.<br />
<br />
I guess I resent her b/c I work hard (my best friend keeps telling me to take it easy -- that he's afraid I'm going to have a heart attack or stroke). I generally work 10-12 hr days and nearly my entire paycheck (and I make an excellent amount of money -- I'm lucky in that respect) goes towards our house, bills, etc. Yet I keep getting further and further into debt.<br />
<br />
In addition, she doesn't like my mothers side of the family and doesn't want me (or our kids) to ahve a relationship with my mother. Yes, my mother has caused her share of problems, but how can I not speak to my mother. She also does things to help us out, but "1 aw sh*t take away a thousand atta-boys". <br />
<br />
All in all I see my wife as lazy, sloppy and self-centered. She rarely expresses her concern for me -- it's usually about how tough she has it. How hard and stressful it is to be an attorney. Yeah, I'm sure a closing on a house is stressful. She had the nerve to ***** about her situation while I was over in Afghansitan getting shot at and looking out for the safety of my 5 trooops I worked with as a team. <br />
<br />
I'd like to leave, but I love my kids and don't want to not see them. I've made a lot of sacrifices in my life and I see it now as another sacrifce, but this time for my kids. If I leave, they'll live in squalor -- dog crap/urine in the house; fruit flies from rotten fruit; dirty dishes (my kids bottle had mold on it around the rim of the plastic nipple -- she's etither too lazy or too dumb to see it and clean it); the house stinking of dirty diapers, etc. I could go on.<br />
<br />
I guess all those years ago I was impressed that she was an attorney (I have an MBA but wanted to go to law school) and I chose not to believe what I saw about her. Now I want out, but will try to hold out until I can retire in a few years (yeah, she'll get a nice chunk of my pension -- no matter what I'm screwed -- talked to friend of mine who's an attorney and he said while things have changed, it's still better to be a woman in a divorce, especailly if kids are invovled). Maybe if I'm retired though I could get residential custody?<br />
<br />
I wish I had some advice for you, but I don't. For me though, this was a good place to air my feeling that have been bottled up in me the last year or two.

She needs a job and a dietician.

I am in the same marriage, except I am the wife and a lot less than 300lbs but have put on a lot and am not near the 128lbs 5'7" babe I was. Your story gave me insight to my husband's feelings. Here's my take, YOU cheated, she HAS NOT forgiven you nor will she. She is overwhelmed and a bit lazy, she knows once a cheater always a cheater. She wants to leave you but is afraid of being a single mom, etiher because of financial reasons (insurance, retirement , house, etc...). She hates herself for staying with you because when she was a young babe she was hit on by married pigs. She told herself she felt sorry for the wife and would never be one of those wives. Now she hates you for cheating on her and hates herself for staying. She cannot have sex with you cause as much as her weight gain scares your infidelity scares her (think STD and gross). Let me guess, before the affair you had good sex and lots of oral sex, kids came along, you felt neglected, so you cheated. In my case, I was only about 10 lbs heavier than my pre-baby weight but my husband kept teasing me about my weight and kept wanting to play with my breasts when I was still nursing. I hated it, so he felt neglected and cheated. I hated myself for staying with a cheater, for believing his lies and I hated him. I hated that my kids had such an immoral dad. So, I stayed up late, watched tv (before I didn't even own one) and daydreamed about a better husband. Oh, I got fat and lazy. No motivation to please him, because I felt I had been giving it my all pre-affair. After the affair I lost all respect for him and all desire to please him. I had been doing all these things before and it threw it all away. I don't think most marriages can survive an affair. I believe an affair is a symptom of a bad marriage, usually with both partners at fault for the bad marriage. But ultimately, it cannot be undone ever.

I'm with you brother. I hate my wife but she threatens me often even with having me arrested for things I haven't done. I am miserable and if I wasn't so financially tied up with my house and in a good job I would leave and never return. She makes me miserable and I often contemplate ending my life. I have told her this repeatedly but she just plays the victim.

sorry mate , it's hard like that. I told my ex to leave after 7 years of abuse (yeah she hit me) when i asked her why she replied (because you wont hit me back) not only abusive but a coward.<br />
I had a 5 year old daughter and i told my ex to leave on xmas day after a row because i couldn't stand the pain anymore. And you know what it was the best thing ever did. My daughter is fine and well balanced and i hav a great relationship with her. I gave up my weekends for 15 years to be with her.<br />
The new wife is well, better but we aren't getting on too well. <br />
My advice is DON'T stay together for the sake of the kids, they are not stupid and will feel the tension in the air, they cope very well if you do it right, and you will be happier without her, and the kids will see you happier in turn making them happier.<br />
It doesn't sound like she's about to change.<br />
dump her and start again, there is life beyond and you do meet others.

I am in the exact...I mean exact same boat. Her day consists of watching tv face booking and stuffing her face....thats it. I work 65 hours + a week orbetween my 2 jobs and still the second I get home shes mad about something..I didnt do this...or I should be doing that....Or even better yet Im not really working at all Im out screwing around...what ever....I guses im paying all her bills with the money tree I got growing in the back yard.....Shes got nothing better to do than sit around and create imaginary scenarios of what i am and am not doing.....I know hate is a strong word but not strong enough to describe how I feel for her.....Id leave her in a heart beat but I cant afford a divorce and she will want to take me for everything I got

Everyone skips the fact that you are a cheater. Stands to reson that you are prob a liar.

i wonder when the cheating happened though. chickens n eggs n all that

good for you for cheating i also married a **** and will be seeing a divorce lawyer shortly

I was in a similar situation except for my chick is speer hott perfect body..so I may think of her a little bit differently..but dude you guys need to man up..whatever she says is bullshit she can't throw you in jail all she can do is take you to court and so what if she gets half your **** let her have it there's always other chicks..if she's treating you like crap she's probly bangin some other looser already..get rid of her hit the gym and find you a hotter chick who treats you right..if your both miserable your kids are just a miserable..300 pounds come on...look your self in the mirror if you done know who you are its time to find your self and treat your self...let her go not worth it...

u r like me, I am stuck because I love my two kids, I am unhappy, but I think Divorce is the only solution, I am waiting for my kids to grow just a bit more so they can understand.

I too feel the pain of the trap. The unresolvable situation. I would truly love to never, EVER see my 'wife' ever again, but I cannot live without my son and I won't wreck his life. I tell myself that I have lived my life, made my choices, and it's about my child's life now. I work hard at my job and at home. She spends money without restraint, is lazy and fat, abusive, never satisfied, and is generally a F'ing troll. We haven't had sex in 5 years....half the span of our entire marriage - this is my choice, not hers. I cannot ever see myself wanting her again. My disgust for her transcents mere obesity...I despise ever aspect of her personality. I too am a 'nice guy' that ends up as a doormat. I could stab my eyes out for ignoring the multitude of red flags, beause I believed in perseverance and fortitude.....F that. I swear to God she wasn't like this before we were married. In hindsight, we were completely wrong for each other from the start. <br />
<br />
I tell myself that it doesn't matter now. I must carry on for my son for as long as I can. But it gets harder every year and that voice of discontent in my head continues to get louder. Every time she throws a tantrum, makes a huge mess and refuses to clean it up, or bounces a check, etc. that voice grows louder. I don't need advice from anyone. I don't need to hear about how the 'kids are better off if you leave' bla bla. I am a child of divorce and I remember the day my parents told my my world was changing forever. I know my duty. My child is all that matters to me, but the pain of the trap is always there. I feel as though I have locked myself in a cell....I hold the key but i am bound by love and honor not to use it. <br />
<br />
It is good to share the story to other human beings thought.<br />
<br />
Good luck to you in whatever road you take. Sorry, I have no advice for you. I can only say I share your pain.

Yep, unfortunately sometimes there are superwomen and supermen. I go to school full time, have 2 part jobs, do the laundry, cleaning, most of the cooking, pay the bills (my wife can't handle talking to people on the phone or seeing how much money "she" is losing) and am the vast majority care giver and educator to our daughter.<br />
<br />
My wife has a part time job she is underqualified for, turns down promotions, puts only face effort into trying to go back to school or do anything with her life, and spends most of her day flirting with men and women to try and feel good about herself. i am sorry shes depressed and all but she is messing up our marriage and our family, so after I found out she cheated on me I told her straight up she could have a boyfriend or girlfriend. She eventually invited a girl she was seeing over, the girl over a month period saw I was straight up awesome and told me I should leave my wife, I told her I was going to, showed her the divorce papers my lawyer just drew up then I had sex for about 6 hours straight with my wifes girlfriend, then told my wife. Apparentally my wife didnt like that I could sleep with other people and only she should be able to break our marriage vows.<br />
<br />
it didnt matter, I am divorcing her. Your kids are better off with your wife out of the picture, and ALWAYS divorce them as soon as you can, the longer you stay the more $ they get. And a pimp should give a Ho nothing, 0 dollars. Not all women are hos, but if a woman is lazy, uses sex to get with you, then denies it and gets lazier. She is a ho.

I'm going through something similar :( I feel sorry for you bro.

I got married about 16 years ago. The first couple years was great. Then I cought her messing around behind my back. The relationship went down hill and I could never trust her again. The only reason that I have not ask for a divorce is because we have a 12 year old that loves his parents very much. We try to hide our dislike for one another so my kid will not notice it. But I am misrable and although I am in my early 50's I still get looks from ladies. I have never cheated on my wife but I work with a lot of women young and old and have been tempted many times. I have the same problem that a lot of men have, divorce only works for women and I am not ready to give her half of what I have worked for all these years, so I am stuck in this relationship.

being stuck in the relationship doesn't stop you doing what she did and go out and have a good time with other women

I feel your pain brother! Get rid of the *****, I'm trying to get rid of mines

Damnit!!! Wife here, I just popped in from "I hate my husband" to get the other side of the story (because I know I'm not perfect.) and what do I find? A bunch of decent guys that are nothing like my lame *** husband bitching about their wives that are nothing like me!! I guess I should thank you for my suspicions being confirmed. He truly is an *** with no respect for me or the kids and I would be lucky and eternally grateful to have someone willing to work, go to school, and get an education, AND help with the kids.

Just divorce her and move on. Quit wasting your time. Make a decision and stick with it. 300 pounds? She does not respect you, or herself. The sooner you dump her the sooner you will be happy.

Sign of the times, sorry for your sitch! This may be a tad long... sorry tried to condense!<br />
First, I applaud you for blogging about your feelings!! That takes guts! (please forgive the generalization, but you are a guy).<br />
<br />
Here's my side that may/may not relate to what you've said.....<br />
Feelings can change... for me IF I don't have intimate relations with my dude for more than two days I feel angry towards him...as soon as we do, everything is cool!! Maybe if you offer her a little back rub things will start up for you.<br />
<br />
Time and kids do change daily interactions...<br />
I've been married 22 years, going on 23. For twenty years, every month I thought about how I will leave and how I would want my life to be...considered having affairs... then one day I decided, I would STOP myself from thinking that way and concentrate on a solution!<br />
Yes, I returned to college full-time (challenging), which is very rewarding. Somehow I qualified for a grant. Ended up with A's in Biology & Biology lab, Constitutional Law, not mentioning my english comp class for a reason !<br />
<br />
On another note...<br />
My parents fought all the time and my two brothers, sister and I WANTED them to get a divorce to end the tension in the house. We talked about it frequently when we were pre-teens.<br />
But....<br />
Being home with two kids can REALLY mentally, physically and emotionally drain you! I've been there and don't EVER want to be in that psychological space again.<br />
For me...<br />
I found it was difficult being a Mom wearing so many hats, switch gears and snap out of it to satisfy everyone's needs and wants including my own. <br />
If I gained a few pounds I don't even want to see myself naked let alone anyone else. <br />
I empathize with ALL mommies out there NO MATTER what size they are, as raising kids IS the most challenging and rewarding job in the UNIVERSE!!<br />
<br />
To you...<br />
Talking about your feelings is the first step to figuring it all out!... So kudos to you! You know what you want and what it is you are willing to put up with... everyone has their breaking point.<br />
No matter what... your inner brain is listening to the message you tell yourself... some here say they put up with things and have no way out... there is a way out... it just might not be the EASIEST way out. <br />
Right now is a challenging time on Earth, war, financial stuff... life does go on or it can end abruptly with lots of regrets.<br />
Warm regards and luck/money doesn't usually cure a sick about your life feeling! It may take more soul searching!<br />
JT<br />
<br />
p.s. I'm so happy to have the Experience Project, better than a therapy session! With multiple advice and support.

Sign of the times, dude!<br />
First, I applaud you for blogging about your feelings!! That takes guts! (please forgive the generalization, but you are a guy).<br />
<br />
Here's my side that may/may not relate to what you've said.....<br />
Feelings can change... for me IF I don't have intimate relations with my dude for more than two days I feel angry towards him...as soon as we do, everything is cool!! Maybe if you offer her a little back rub things will start up for you.<br />
<br />
Time and kids do change daily interactions...<br />
I've been married 22 years, going on 23. For twenty years, every month I thought about how I will leave and how I would want my life to be...considered having affairs... then one day I decided, I would STOP myself from thinking that way and concentrate on a solution!<br />
Yes, I returned to college full-time (not recommended), which is very rewarding. Somehow I qualified for a grant.<br />
<br />
On another note...<br />
My parents fought all the time and my two brothers, sister and I WANTED them to get a divorce to end the tension in the house. We talked about it frequently when we were pre-teens.<br />
But....<br />
Being home with two kids can REALLY mentally, physically and emotionally drain you! I've been there and don't EVER want to be in that psychological space again.<br />
For me...<br />
I found it was difficult being a Mom wearing so many hats, switch gears and snap out of it to satisfy everyone's needs and wants including my own. <br />
If I gained a few pounds I don't even want to see myself naked let alone anyone else. <br />
I empathize with ALL mommies out there NO MATTER what size they are, as raising kids IS the most challenging and rewarding job in the UNIVERSE!!<br />
<br />
To you...<br />
Talking about your feelings is the first step to figuring it all out!... So kudos to you! You know what you want and what it is you are willing to put up with... everyone has their breaking point.<br />
No matter what... your inner brain is listening to the message you tell yourself... some here say they put up with things and have no way out... there is a way out... it just might not be the EASIEST way out. <br />
Right now is a challenging time on Earth, war, financial stuff... life does go on or it can end abruptly with lots of regrets.<br />
Warm regards and luck/money doesn't usually cure a sick about your life feeling! It may take more soul searching!<br />
JT<br />
<br />
p.s. I'm so happy to have the Experience Project, better than a therapy session! With multiple advice and support.

Is it possible that your wife has lost her motivation because she feels unloved by you and deep down wants your attention in a good way? I am guessing you have already attempted to reintroduce romance and intimacy into your relationship?<br />
<br />
Honestly, she sounds more depressed and lonely for you than anything.<br />
<br />
I could be wrong..but that is my take on it.

The thing is, we don't know if she became like this because you cheated on her.

Dude! First of all, you were 21 and she was 20 when you got married... that's too young to marry in my opinion. Because most, if not all, people are not the person at 20 they're going to be for the rest of their lives. I'd say mid to late 20's is a good time to marry. But even some 40 year olds still don't know what kind of person they want to be. Question: how long had the two of you been dating? NEVER marry someone you haven't dated for at least two years!<br />
Second, a very big part of the problem, I think, is that she became pregnant before she was ready. I'm sure you probably used some form of birth control but family planning is something you can never be too careful about... especially in a marriage. <br />
Lastly, I come from a home of divorce myself. I know how it is to be raised by my mom and never know my dad. However, my dad left when I was two, and your kids are grown. So, bottom line, if you have tried everything you know and absolutely CANNOT work things out with your wife... maybe it’s time to served her with some papers! Don't let her turn you into any more of a tool than she already has.<br />
Just one more thing, if “brendatahoe” has anything more to say about you cheating, I’d love for her to tell me what she’d feel like doing if her man never showed her any affection, never was there for her, always demanded his way, made her cook and clean ALL THE TIME and f***** her whether she felt like it or not? Flip that story around, and he’s not such a fool after all… is he Brendatahoe?

I'll Hope she Is going to die that bastard woman I don't believe in love .

I feel that Same as my wife She always threaten me and used Verbal on me she is a ***** I'm married 3 years and i'm suffering she Cheat on me and pregnant now with other man & i'm responsible She like to lied to me She said she is working but she Went with Out with her Boyfriend <br />
I'm her husband She Drag me to court & i must compensate her Every month Giving her money while she cheat on me we when counselling i tell the counselor They say i'm Lying what can i do she is really Smart ***** trying to make used Of me She Always pray to God but her Behavior and attitude is for damn bastard How can i face the fact I've been always make used of her Why life is unfair We never had sex for a very long time And how can she be pregnant and she said that is my kid i'm responsible Why is god Unfair

Shoot her. You're a vagina.

I came on this site because I have caught myself basically hating my wife for the same reasons you have written in your posting. I am fortunate that I did not hvae kids with my wife who is 10 years younger then me - but my entire marriage started to get sour when I had to start mopping the floors, doing the dishes, cleaning the bathrooms, doing the laundry, and basically every household responsibility less cooking. Sex was not desirable with my wife from the beginning (she would not allow me to have any sex with her until after marriage) - SO here we are GOOD GUYS WHO ALWAYS FINISH LAST BUT WE DO FINISH - - type persona - - I have been seperated from her now for 9 weeks - and I have decided I don't want her back. I think you should take some time away if possible. If that is not an option then try counseling but I have to tell you - Women who are not supportive of their husbands become a CANCER. If you are a good guy like me and have never been an *** to your wife - - I think it's just a matter of them i.e. your wife and my wife and anybody elses wife to go back out into the field and have them hook up with another person - - they will get what they deserve. I know you what you are going through - - take time for yourself - - re-evaluate after a sabbatical from her.. Good luck.

She sounds depressed. Get her on some Antidepressants. Pay her to do some chores as an insentive which you will partially save some of it towards some liposuction for her. Make her feel loved and important in your life. She is not well now but whe will reciprocate little by little as she gets better. Also consider going on the South Beach diet together and going with her to the gym a few times a month. I know this sounds corny but show her lots of love. Never tell her you cheated on her. If you already told her, retract the story and tell her you couldn't get it up with them and and are being honest with her though very embarrassing as you only have the hots for her. Good luck brother. You need to do what it takes to keep your family together. Divorce is usually not the best choice.

I feel so sorry for you and me. We both are in the same shoe but mines far worse. I am trapped at home with 6 kids. 3 STEPS, 1 from past marriage and 2 from her.<br />
<br />
After 3 years she changed and now all she does is go out. When she gets home she puts on make up and plays dress up all day then leaves again.<br />
<br />
When I try to talk to her about it, she warns me about how the law is on her side and that I'd be slapped with child support, spousal, & if she wanted to make it worse I'd even go to jail.<br />
<br />
I thought it through and the truth is exactly what she told me. So I guess in ways you could alost say you are a luckier guy then I. Hopefully I can come up with an escape strategy but until then she's got me cornered like a rat in a cage.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Your in the **** mate i won't deny it. Why should you have to work your *** off while she lies around all day. <br />
Stand up to the little ***** i mean why can't you relax a little. Stop doing the housework and give her a list of jobs to do. I tell you man this is your life and you deserve alot better than that

Grow a pair sensualheart! It is time to put your boots on and start walkin'.

You say "Yes, I have cheated on my wife (I have had 2 separate one-night stands). I have lied. Starting about 1 year ago I basically stopped caring about her."<br />
<br />
You deserve to be unhappy you pig, You have no right to cheat in her, none. I hope she gains 100 more pounds and has sex with you and sits on your face, smothering your sorry ***...you gaive men a bad name and you are a PIG! What if you get AIDS! I dont care if you used a rubber!!

I am 61 yr old female you only have one life , divorce her and get on with your life... you deserve to find happiness...

Mate, I know what youre going through, my wife has got to be the laziest female going as quite simply she does nothing around the home. Cooking, cleaning, general basics, finances WORKING..... All done by me. GET ME THE HELL OUT OF THIS HELLHOLE IM LIVING IN!!! Dave

Mate, I know what youre going through, my wife has got to be the laziest female going as quite simply she does nothing around the home. Cooking, cleaning, general basics, finances WORKING..... All done by me. GET ME THE HELL OUT OF THIS HELLHOLE IM LIVING IN!!! Dave

This is great! Misery loves company and I'm miserable. If I could afford it I would leave my wife today. She can do no wrong. Even when she spends the bill money some how it becomes my fault. And of course I pay for her anger at me with a no sex policy because she's not happy cause the bills aren't paid. Oh by the way did I mention I direct deposit my entire paycheck to pay the bills? She does work but spends half of her check in traveling and trying to start her own business. I want our marriage to work and even suggested counciling but she didn't think the relationship needed any work.

WATCH OUT WHEN SHE STARTS LOSING THE WEIGHT. She just might be leaving you soon...If she's not happy with you and putting you down I wouldn't be surprised.<br />
<br />
All she needs to do is do something that makes her feel good about herself to make her life seem better in her eyes. She doesn't have to look to you for her every need and shouldn't have to. If she started doing something to make her life seem more worth while... Like get a degree online and volunteer at the YMCA, or even a thrift store for goodness sake, this could help her feel better inside and could lead to a transformation on the outside also.. Doing something that makes her feel good about herself doesn't need to include nails and hair and tanning. But if she's up for it why not. If she starts caring about her looks she might just want a gym membership and what's the harm in that, when they have free daycare and all. Why wouldn't she want your marriage to get better? What way besides her working on herself. Not for you, if they makes her sick...but for herself...then you also would benefit. Oh and if she complains sex hurts...this is a common female problem and a doctor should be involved to help remedy the situation. As for you type in the computer "assertive" and "parenting styles" as well as "gender differences" to help you get some self help out of the situation. <br />
<br />
I know how you feel about trying to do everything you can to save a marriage before you through in the towel. I've been there and am doing that also for my children. I think my husband and I could have a good life together for our children also if he could, get sober,(I have not bought him drinks for 3 years), get an education (the idiot doesn't have a GED), want something to do with me in bed (and I'm a beauty). What's so hard about that? DO THIS I TELL HIM AND I WILL NOT DIVORCE YOU, DON'T DO IT AND I WILL. MAYBE YOU NEED TO FIND THREE THINGS YOUR WIFE COULD DO IN ORDER NOT TO BE DIVORCED. And say it and mean it...just as I did... wait and see what happens..at least you'd be giving her a chance to salvage the marriage....and you might not feel so guilty when you do get those dreaded papers served. My husband has cheated on me, been to drunk to drive me to the hospital when I went into labor (and I drove myself), called me every name in the book, hasn't had a license in 12 years, has been addicted to smoking,drinking and meth in the past, told me to leave, told me lie after lie to the point I can't believe a word he speaks, lost jobs, had seizures due to withdraws from boos, missed important promises to our children due to being drunk, got in car wrecks with children in the car due to drinking. I asked him what I did to be treated this way, he couldn't say a word...Now this man, my husband, deserves to be told what I told him..Does you wife deserve it? I'm not sure of it either...I think she needs something to feel good about. <br />
My husband has a job now making a whopping 9 dollars an hour, and he's happy as a clam, which really ****** me off...So happy with so little........If your wife could do something----Job----College----Something besides the hum drum life of a house wife she could just change the whole feeling in your household. Husbands should do some house work, I wouldn't put down my peace of crap man so much if he helped that much. I have fibromyalgia..all he needs to do is touch me to help me feel better ( but he doesn't what a dumb ***)...but if he did house work like you, MAN WOULD I BE IMPRESSED. I wish mine would impress me like some of you men do. I doesn't think he's capable, maybe cause he's lost to many brain cells and wasn't smart to begin with.....Resiliency, that's what I have. I can get straight A's while working full time...without a drunk in my life...She needs resiliency... <br />
<br />
Maybe she's fallen out of love and is trying to salvage her love for you by asking you to do so much on the weekends, so she will feel glad your around. Also she could be unsure of loving you since you've hurt her in the past. Not sure. if the extra chores she's given you........are so smart.........on her part.

How do you turn a fox into a cow? You marry her...

When I retired in 2000 I stayed home and took care of my first grandchild for 2 years. Mon-Fri 8 hrs a day. I now can appreciate what a woman goes through taking care of a household day after day. I believe all couples should trade places during the first years of a marriage to get a better spin on the situations of provider and homemaker. My eyes have been opened and I think other guys need to get a llok at the other side of the board.

Rather than cheat, one in your position ought to just leave (or maybe just ********** a lot) because when and if you do ever leave you would be able to do so on the high ground as opposed to leaving on her level. I really do feel for you though having to do all that housework. My wife does the cooking and does a good job but she is a massive slob and doesn't come up with any way to fix that problem but she does come up with lots of excuses. The only REAL excuse is that she is violently lazy. I feel even more for you regarding her put-downs and talking trash about you to others (even in your presence). Mine has done that and more. Even worse, she has consistently talked trash (most of which isn't true) to her family members even while I am sitting/standing right there leading them to form negative opinions of me. If I even tried to defend myself she would spin it so that I looked like a bad guy and of course her family would take her side. When I married my wife she had tens of thousands of dollars in credit card debt and was a big (irresponsible) spender. I married her despite this because I thought she would be mature enough at that point (she is nearly 4 years older than me) to get over it and take the steps to fix the problem. Instead, she made up stories about me having a secret account (I didn't....we didn't have any money...and any amount of money I MIGHT have had to have a little fun and enjoy life a little....went towards paying her debts while she kept up her shopping habits) and that I was wanting to put off having kids because I wanted more money first despite me telling her multiple times in very clear English that I wasn't bringing children into this world if she was going to be wreckless with our finances and that I would be willing to start having children when she shaped up. While the finance issues have improved significantly (only because she decided to shape up on her own terms and when she felt like it while having nothing to do with my pleading) she is still the biggest a-hole I have ever known. What is worse....I think it is genetic. She has a large family and most of them are the same way. Honestly, I can't stand them. I am perpetually in a state of mild despair at all times at merely having the thought lingering in the back of my mind concerning being around her family members at some point in time in the future. <br />
As for the children....I definitely lean towards staying in a relationship for the children as long as the marriage doesn't involve lots of loud yelling matches, slamming of doors, and/or physical abuse. Honestly, I can easily do without my wife (and i hate saying that) but she makes me miserable, too much damage has been done already, she is frankly verbally abusive (and doesn't think she is doing anything wrong yet ironically when I do the EXACT same thing to her just to test how she reacts she gets hurt/offended), makes disparaging comments about me/to me in front of others, is generally disrespectful towards me and I really can't stand spending time with her family because many of them are the same way she is (and in-laws are an important factor for me). Despite that, I would stay with her for my kids (and for me) because I think in my circumstance the fact that my kids seem to be damaged by my being gone (I often travel for work) on a more permanent basis, I have a very very hard time being without my kids. They are quite frankly the only thing in this world that give me joy and it is the greatest joy I have ever experienced. Losing my kids would be far worse than putting up with my wife. I'm sure my wife would take the kids away to be closer to her family and I am not willing to simply quite my job and find some job closer to her family so that I can have the kids on the weekends. And if she took them away I would probably only get them two or three times a year.

Wow, man. Your marriage sounds like mine in every way except that my wife has only gained a reasonable amount of weight with age (as have I) over the past eight years and that I have never cheated. While I understand that such circumstances could easily lead you to want to cheat (SOMETHING has got to make you feel like something other than crap!) by cheating you only lose your credibility against her and more importantly you lose the upper hand. Consider also, in our culture today, that society would not likely have sympathy for you considering how she has treated you, but society would have lots of sympathy towards her for your cheating on her.

so was she this way BEFORE she found out that you cheated? or does she even know? have you tried really sitting down and talking with her? a lot of times partners seem to see things so one sided,and think that they have it so hard,when in fact they are both thinking the exact same thing. she is now 300 lbs? what about yourself? i commend you highly for wanting to stay for the children,but our children see clearer than anyone else,even ourselves sometimes,that our relationship is unhealthy and that we are unhappy. so when people say they are staying for "the kids",it should actually be for "the kids" that they leave.

I just feel that divorce is so selfish. It is for the adults, but hurts the children. The tension is not bad because I just do what needs to be done and don't complain. I have tried complaining and it only leads to arguments. Thus making tension.

Wow, what can I say.<br />
<br />
You staying for your kids............thats what I been doing for 3 years now. I don't want to break up my family because we can't get it right.<br />
<br />
But I agree with flower; its not good to stay together for the kids. There will always be tension between the two of you.<br />
<br />
My husband is trying more because he knows I will no longer put up with his crap and I am not afraid to take the door.<br />
<br />
I can't believe you do everything, just can't and she puts you down? <br />
<br />
I do see you are done with her by cheating and other things.<br />
Maybe you should just take the door and leave because I don't see things getting better for the both of you.

Do you love her? If not why stay? x

I can understand where you are at. My does not villify me to everyone (that I am aware of) so I have that going for me. However, yours has tried to earn money.

My wife has beaten me on many ocasions including our honeymoon, breaks everything she touches, has turned my kids against me, is dumb as hell, has held back sex for 3 months so far , is a major drama queen, earned $4000 last year and complains that she has no degree and that is why she can not get a good job but it is plain as day that she is using me to raise her kids almost full time ($4000, that is no typeo) , she wastes everything= food, water, electric, you name it ect.!!!!!!, she will undermine any discipline that I try to impart on our children and she will blow up in front of the the now older and effected kids, <br />
She is trying extra hard to paint herself as super mom who is super out going and normal while she demonizes me to others---I have nothing but resentment and anger towards her, I am very depressed and inding it hard to keep all the money that we need, comming in!!!!<br />
I can't divorce her now because that would put my 86 year old parents (who live next door to me) in their grave!!!!!!!!

Dude!<br />
Sorry about your luck! At least she is not drunk 24/7 like mine! No advice...just...sympathy!

I feel for ya Pal.... I been married for 35 years. I am always the *** hole. She buys fat free milk and to wash down the dozen dognuts she eats. She kept getting infected with children to (show her LOVE)..<br />
Bull-Crap.. she just wanted someone to support HER!<br />
I wish there was a way OUT! But it will cost me at least 500.00 a month,,,,, I think it's time to cansel all insurance and shoot myself! <br />
Might be more fun! than marraige.........<br />
Women USE men and the system and the wimps in the seat let them do it!

This may sound cruel but I say dump the b*tch!<br />
Staying with her will only harm the children and yourself through her neglect and selfishness. Obviously she's lazy and seems to only think about herself. She (and you) is supposed to be examples to your children. When the children are young this is when their little mind absorbs information, learn and grow. I'm sure she's not doing any of that. She's not going to change.<br />
<br />
You also need to stop caving in to her. You ARE the head of the household. Take charge and stop caving into her. BTW your not helping the children, or yourself by staying together.

My dear, you are an enabler. I know that's harsh, but it's a fact. Whatever the reason for her behaviour (which is unacceptable) the fact is that you are allowing it to continue. True? It would be no different to you telling us she was an alcoholic, and that you were buying her drink every day. This is no different. Yes, she probably is depressed. But if she won't listen to reason, and won't accept her responsibility in this, then you have to make a stand. Frankly, Id offer an ultimatum. Give her a set amount of time to get the professional help she needs, and to contribute to the family, or get out. She is a poor role model for your children.

I finally figured out I can post comments as well and not send each person an email. We have tried marriage counsellings twice before are in the process of trying it a third time. I know she is depressed but she refuses to see that she may have something to with the problems in our marriage and that it is not all my fault. More over, she refuses to see that it will take both of us to work on fixing it.<br />
<br />
The best question is the final one "Why are you still together?" The easiest answer to this because of the children. However, that is part of the reason. The truth is that she and I can have a pretty good life together assuming that we can resolve our issues. And I don't want to rip my children's lives apart without trying everything that I possibly can to save this marriage.

Ok man, this is the deal. She has absolutely no respect for you whatsoever. You've got to lay down the law. I would do it quietly though. First of all, stop cleaning and stop cooking. Goodness! I cannot believe that you're doing all of that too and working. If she absolutely refuses to cook for the kids, then sure make them something. But DO NOT make anything for her at all! Sounds like she could lay off the food for a while anyway. Like one of the previous posts said, she's probably depressed. But she's abusive also. Don't put up with that abuse anymore. You need a good support group. I recommend a good Christian men's group who are in the Word regularly. They'll probably tell you some stuff about you've got to love your wife and what not. That's true, you need to, but she needs some TOUGH love right now. None of this wimpy crap 'i'm your door mat stuff'. By all means, quit putting up with it. Take a stand! I'm repeating for emphasis, quit cooking and cleaning and all of that other crap. If you have to, let the house go to Hell!

My first marriage was like this - till she finally left me (thank God). there is life after divorce and kids are smart - they will see her for what she really is. My kids eventually chose to live with me over her. It wasn't easy for them, but she pushed them out the door (well actually kicked one of them out).

O M G ! what a *****!!<br />
wot i would'nt give for a husband who provides for his family, and loves his kids!<br />
I notice alot in life people "Stay for the kids", which never works b coz the kids feel the tension and the vibe of every thing not being ok.<br />
My situation was a bit simular but my ex was a a***h**le in the fact that he never valued what i did as an at home mum that did do everything and he was a selfish unapriciative <br />
"'Little boy" who needed to grow up<br />
As it sound's like your wife doe's too!<br />
If you left tomorrow she would'nt know what hit her!!!(LOL)<br />
from Feflower in NZ

Have you tried counseling of any sort? It sounds like you haven't talked honestly with each other in a long time.

Do not take it badly please, but I am always puzzled by people thinking counseling works: Well, it does with some people. However, I just can't understand how anybody, no matter how clever and trained can grasp a problem that may have evolved during years and years in a few hours and then give objective advices. In my case I tried it following the death of my father, well, nothing, also tried it earlier in my life for personal problems, did not work either. I had to solve problems by myself. And now well, I am in trouble with my wife, I do not love her and nobody can be done about it, sad. Anyway, just my point of view. I hope this guy is now out of his trap with or without counceling

counceling can only work to get the couple to communicate. If there is no desire to do that, then it cannot work. Good luck!