Newlywed Very Lonely

I 'm a newlywed but not happy. I was force into this marriage..I was pregnant w/my 1st child. Even though I am of age to reject, being married. But w/my mother & fam. who's so religious, I couldn't have a child out of wedlock.


My boyfriend who happen to be my husband @ this time was separated after I found out he cheated on me several of times. Then I found out I was pregnant. So I told him....I couldn't have abortion, or give it up for adaption. I am of age and I have a degree. I have a good job & he has a good career. So we decided to keep it. But I didn't want 2 b w/him. Then I found out he cheated on me again while I was 3 mos. pregnant.  So now I am really disgusted. 

After all this I never told my parents why I never wanted to get married.  My parents are foreigners they would look @ me differently. It would look like a disgrace to the family to bring such garbage home. My husband is an American & I'm a foreigner.

We live together now..I had a baby boy couple months ago. I am truly happy for my son, but my marriage no. 

Sometime I am disgusted by him and his american ways. We live together but it feels like we not together. We spend our days in different rooms. And sometime we don't even speak to one another unless its about the baby. He feels more like we roomates. But that kind of strange roomates. He spent most of his time playing video game which I hate so much. Its like being w/a little kid. I can't stand him most of the time.

What about his fam. you may ask? his mom knew he cheated on me. She'll understand if I decide to leave him. After all she got married to his dad bc she was pregnant w/her 1st child. But he was never faithful to her & til this day he still not faithful. They leave in the same house and never talk. They have separate bedrooms. Its sad. I feel sorry for her.

See I don't want to end like sad and lonely. I rather be by myself. I threaten to leave him several times, he beg me he'll change. We'll seek marriage counselor.

The thing is....I'm not in love w/him. He hurt me so bad. Beside, his not a romantic person, his emotionless, his not a touchy person, his not the type of guy who would prove r express his love to you. his not a flower type of guy. His not princes charming.

I'm afraid I will cheat on him 1 day. But I'm not a cheating type of woman. So I rather leave him 1st bc Karma is a *****.

morena30 morena30
May 3, 2009