I Feel Like I Want More

ive been with my boyfriend/daug father for 7 yrs. i cheated on him  for 2 yrs with another man when we were in our 2nd yr together. i was really into the 2nd man because i found him more physically attarctive, he lived in the same building and he made me feel sooo beautiful. i felt like i was really wanted...but  i knew my first bf was better for me down the road. he was more mature, had a job, and was always planning for his future, whereas the 2nd was not. i ended up gettin preggo with my 1st and left #2 for i knew i would have a better life with him. though during the time i was with both i treated my #1 badly and he stuck with me. i treated him so badly that he got use to it. i now have settled down with him but i get easily angry @ him. we HARDLY talk & we're always on the defensive. i always find a fault in him & make sure i point it out. he'll tell me something that'll benefit me and i turn it to a negative & get in a fight. we can go up to 3 wks with no sex. i kno it could b worse but 3 wks is a long time for me. i use to trust him, now i dont. i get frustreated talking t o him cuz i feel lyk hes not listening to me. he does try to talk 2 me sometimes when we are in a good mood but it doesnt last long. i feel lyk hes unattracted to me, and is just with me for our daug. sometimes i think im still angry because i had to breakup w #2 (where i felt i was the world to him) and is now releasing the anger on him..or am i expecting too much from him. i get in these moments where im just sad & depressed but dont know why. then i start to cry but nothing happend to me to cause my crying. sometimes i get tempted to cheat again. i feel im in a never ending cycle or am i expecting too much from him and im just crazy

bkdelight bkdelight
5 Responses Jun 19, 2009

i feel your pain.

i feel your pain.

The problem, besides your spelling, is that you don't know what your expectations are. To make a long Freudian analysis short; you hate yourself. You are immature and as a result have poor decision making skills. You create a world of chaos in order to feed the pain that you have inside of you. My advice is grow up, gain some perspective, and go see a counselor so you can develop some emotional intelligence. The problem your partner has with you is that he thinks you are not invested in this relationship, hence no intimacy.

I have no sympathy for you, you ******* *****! you are just using this poor guy so you have somebody to look after you! leave him so the poor guy can find somebody who really loves him

You make the questions, and you give the answers yourself. I have been in the same situation with my ex-wife. she cheated on me, always complaining, always trying to get into fights, jealous, angry when i said something to help her with her stuff, it was like she couldnt handle it anymore with me. And i always had to ask myself why im feeling so abused, always untrusted and unrespected. I still ask myself if it was my fault. Was it my fault that i couldnt handle her way of complaining, her jealousy, and all her **** anymore, and i thought it would be better if i said nothing, than getting upset with her actions? And in the end she told me it was my fault she left me, because i didnt love her. which means i didnt appreciate her, i didnt make her feel beautiful, etc. Than again she forgets that everything in a relation is a 50%-50%. So, instead of blaming me for not showing appreciation, or staying quiet to not get into nonsense fights (because i knew fights will hurt both parties, and than again, i try to put myself in the others shoes, and when i cant get their point, i cant do it, and i cant say sorry, so i better keep doing my own things) and trying to do things on my own, and always caring and stressing out for her, which might look like i wasnt attracted to her, she had to better see herself and her reaction, and try to understand why everything had to go this way. Still nowaday, she never said any sorry for putting me into this bad position, but instead she ******* around saying that i was someone who tried to take her away from the road of God, that our marriage was a sin, etc. I mean, fine, if you wanna go, just go, why do you have to **** on my face again ? <br />
SO my answer to you is, why dont you start looking at yourself and your actions, and stop playing the "victim" and stop expecting so much from your relation ?? the poor guy loves you, otherwise he would have left long time ago. The poor guy misses the first days when he used to meet you. Start acting on your own, and stop blaming, and being egoistic and a user, because noone deserves your actions!. Than again, what are you giving, so that you can expect others to give for you ????? Is this love what you call ? Is love conditional ??? i dont think so! <br />
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This is from experience.