Register

I Am Unhappy In My Marriage And Don't Know What To Do

Lost

By: fkm0616
Written on January 18th, 2012
By: fkm0616
Age: 22-25
508 people have read this story

Your Response

By clicking "Post", you confirm that you agree to the Terms of Service of Experience Project, Inc.
3 responses
  • SimonLLL

    fkm0616 -



    How have things shaped up in the last week?



    Look, you've moved into his family home. Mum's there, brothers are there. He's reverting back to a younger self. You're there, mum's able to help with the little one, what's he got to worry about? No mortgage, easy street, etc.



    Now you want him to step up and he starts lying and being cagey to try and protect his current life of little-to-no-responsibility.



    Do they do random drug tests at his place of work? He could be jeopardising your entire income if he gets caught. Weed's chemical effects ebb and flow through the body over a period of several days. It doesn't flush out over 12-24 hrs like alcohol!



    Try this: Say to him (in your own words, but along these lines)



    "Honey, I know it's a bit full on living back with the parents, so I get that our relationship has taken a couple of knocks. But I REALLY want to get some 'you and me' time AND some 'you, me and daughter' time. Can we organise some date nights and some family time? Maybe we could discuss some ideas for the next few months so that we're clearer on where we want to go, what we want to do and what's got to happen so we can get there. Good idea, huh, baby?"



    or, start by saying



    "Our happiness is the top priority, right honey. Let's see what we can do to get that crankin'!!"



    OK, maybe they're not your words but you get the idea. A gentle introduction to a conversation that allows him to understand how you feel and maybe gets him to open up about his state of mind.

    Feb 1, 2012
    2 likes
  • bookman1995

    You're both in a stressful situation for sure, so I'm glad at least writing it down helped you get it off your back. Would suggest it's important to see everything you and your husband are doing within the bigger picture of caring for your grandparent. You have no privacy whatsoever, and have to care for an ailing relative. Caregiver Syndrome is a very real issue in all the medical literature - it can make the "healthy" people as sick as the infirm.



    As for your man puffing the magic dragon, based on what you wrote, that's very clear sign that he is as frustrated with the situation as you are, and is trying to anesthetize himself against the situation to get through it. I'm sensing that you weren't pleased with the recreational street drug use to begin with, and that's definitely your right. It's not legal to do so, and if he gets caught, the repurcussions will add even more challenge to an already difficult situation. That said, I'm not convinced that, but were it not for the fact that your husband is smoking weed, your life would be wonderful. You're probably wanting to leave him because you don't feel like he's being supportive of you, and instead is ducking for cover to deal with his own anxiety. This is all the worse if it's a situation where you're trying to save money to escape the pressure cooker you're in, but can't do so, because your husband is literally smoking away your life savings. If this is going on, you probably do need to throw him out.



    But assuming the situation is not quite that bad, improving it is going to be a step-by-step process for you both, starting with trying to get a few hours each week alone for yourselves, maybe trying to move your daughter into a separate room if possible. Am guessing you're taking care of grandparent for financial reasons as well as personal ones, and so moving out is probably not an option right now. You need to have an honest conversation with each other about what's going on, and try to create a personal space for the two of you to re-connect.



    Good luck!

    Jan 22, 2012
    3 likes
    • fkm0616

      At first I was ok with the whole smoking weed thing, but when our kid came along it changed. He can do it as long as it is not in the house and away from our kid. I don't think i wrote enough explaining everything. He usually gets his weed from his brother. We live with his parents right now and both his brothers live here too. So us moving our daughter out of the room is out of the question for now, as much as I would like to. Your definitely right on us not connecting, and your definitely right that I do not feel supported at all. I'm glad I wrote on here now because I never thought that it was that at all and to have someone elses perspective on it helps. I only thought of leaving him to maybe give him a wake up call but thinking about it, it will just make things worst and it would have just added more flame to the fire. Thanks for the comment, it was very helpful. You definitely gave me some ideas in steps to reconnecting and getting back to how we were a year ago. Maybe have a date night a couple times a month! Thanks again!

      Jan 22, 2012
      1 like