I Am Unhappy In My Marriage And Don't Know What To Do
I'm not sure as how to go about this but I will do my best. My husband and I have been together for 4 years and married for 2. We also have a wonderful 2 year old little girl. For the most part of the relationship, it's been a very happy one until the past year. Since we started dating, unfortunately life has not made it easy for us in our relationship we kept hitting bumps in the road, such as living in a car for a few months, unexpected pregnancy, moving into my grandparents house to take care of my grandfather. But we always we're happy and good to each other and were always optimistic about everything. A year ago, I came to the realization while we were taking care of my grandpa, that I need to get a career going before he passes because when he goes, we will be back at square one and with our daughter, we just could not take a risk like that. So we decided that I was going to go to school and earn a degree to get started. Well that required us to move in with his parents as there wasn't many colleges that offered a degree in culinary where we were at the time. Since we moved in, our relationship has been dwindling. The majority of it has to do with stress as his parents seem to only get enjoyment out of life only if there is drama in it. Mainly his mother though. We were only planning on being there for a few months but there has been many obstacles preventing us from moving out. We have to share a room with our girl and because of that we have no sex life either, which I believe is another big part in our stress. The past few months though, things have taken a turn for the worst. My husband has been developing these bad habits of lying to me, keeping secrets, and in general just being fake, Also he decided to pick up his pot habits again. Now I knew he smoked pot going into the relationship, and I excepted that. But when our daughter came along, it's a whole new thing. I don't mind if he smokes it when he goes out with his friends or something like that. But he'll smoke before work, and other various times such as taking care of our daughter. I have talked to him about it, and he would do the usual, lie about it. His little brother even lies to me about it. I got to the point where I would get nosy and go through his text messages and find out what's going on because he for some reason decided that i cannot know everything about him. I told him how he is putting us at risk in getting us kicked out by doing this, and he doesn't seem to care. I almost left him because of the lying and the secrets. And when I decided not to I thought that maybe he would try, but he hasn't. I've told him how much it hurts that I can't trust him anymore, and that he didn't have the respect for me to just tell me what he is doing. I honestly feel like I am raising 2 kids now. He likes to plan things with his friends on the one day off we have together and pretend that it was spontaneous, which is another thing that bugs me. I tell him every time that I know you planned this so why do you do this? I have yet to get an answer. I know exactly what he's doing now when I hear the lie. Last week for example I picked him up from his friends house (he doesn't have a license) and he was passing out and every time i would shake him he would pop up and pretend that he was just bobbing his head to the music. Then he decided to sneak in through the garage to avoid his parents, then he spent an hour in the bathroom. I asked his brother to tell me what he was on and to not lie to me. But of coarse he did anyways. They both know that I know what they are up to and I call them out on it every time they lie. I am so depressed and my anxiety is getting worst from all of this. He's not the man I married, and to be honest I don't think I can deal with this much longer. How can I be with someone who says they love me but can't do something as simple as telling me the truth? I seriously feel dead inside. I married him because I loved him and wanted to be with him for the rest of my life, and he just seems like he wants to avoid his family. Am I overreacting to all of this? Should I just wait it out, or keep trying to show him how his actions are hurting his family? Or should I just leave? I feel like my efforts are meaningless at this point. Last Friday is when I started seriously contemplating leaving him. Him and his brother were acting suspicious. My husband was frantically searching his guitar bag, and the garage (where they usually hide the weed) and running up and down the stairs. Obviously some things were missing. I asked him what's going on, and he told me that his brother's ipod was missing. Well I knew he wasn't telling me everything, so when I read his texts to find out what was really going on, his mom apparently found they're stash and got rid of it. And even after that, they got more, and were smoking pot right outside of the house a couple days later. I am lost on what to do. So there it is. whether i get a response or not, it was nice to let a little bit of this stress out.