Unhappily Married

I have been married for 26 years we have four children togther and for the 10 years sex has been almost nothing. I have asked her if somthing is wrong and she tells me it is because of menopause. She started menopause early in her late 30's. Now 50 I have tried to make suggestions to spice things up and it is to no avail. If we do have sex it is sham van thank you mam get off. I don't want to sound like I don't care but I have to beg for what I get. I have considered having an affair but don't want anyone to get hurt. The kids are all over 18 and pretty much on their own but still it feels wrong. Am I wrong for wanting to meet my needs?
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26-30
3 Responses May 7, 2012

You're not wrong at all. The two of you should talk to a doctor bout whether she has some physical issues that can be solved, perhaps with hormone therapy. If that doesn't work, go to couples counseling. Good luck!

i don't think your wrong at all...i also have been married a long time with 4 kids and although i do love my hubby....our sex life has changed drastically too....however our situation is the opposite of you and your wife

Horomones can be tricky. maybe she completely lost her sex drive from the early menopause. I know my sex drive fizzled because of the birthcontrol i was on. also, and this might sound wierd, but since its been a long time of real intamacy, maybe she forgot how to be sensual. It happens. Also the empty nests syndrome. She probably doesn't know what to do with herself. Have you tried being spontaneous with something? Like for example you suprise her with a gift, mor taking her to some place new. My husband likes to make things like poems and drawings and suprises me out of the blue with them. or suprise me with a random back massage. Suggesting things to her just seems like to make her more distant. So maybe spontanuity will help. Tell her how she makes you happy, how much you love her, how beautiful she is. She could be super uncomfortable with her body and doesnt feel adequate either. Hopefully some of those suggestions helps. and hopefully it will get better. oh and to answer your question about the cheating part, that will only further complicate things. it is frustrating and it is understandable, but if you want to better things you shouldn't do anything that would make it worst.