Want To Hide All Day

Right now, it's 10:37am on Saturday morning. My husband has let me have a lie in this morning and has done his very best to keep the kids quiet so that I can sleep. The thing is, I've been awake for over an hour now and can't bring myself to get up. I know that once I do, the fake smile and the fake happiness has to start all over again and it's killing me.

I love my 2 kids more than anything in the world but I want out of my marriage and I can't stand my step daughter (who is also downstairs at the moment) I have to pretend to like her and pretend to love my husband.

Putting on an act 24/7 is soul destroying. I never knew it would be so hard.
Lollie01 Lollie01
22-25, F
3 Responses Jun 2, 2012

I wish there was a way I could speed it up, I really do. If I had the money to leave now I would. But I need to save money for first months rent and deposit, I need to finish my training in the meantime so that I'll be able to get a job when my son starts school and I also need to pay off debts otherwise there's no way I'd make it through each month. I'm just trapped and it feels like I'll never get out

It's great to have a plan, 18 more months is a long time perhaps you could find a way to speed some of your plan up? Also it sounds like you need more you time, time all by yourself out of the house away from the fakeness to just be yourself. Hang in there, I'm rooting for you and completely support your decision.

Thanks guys for comments. Honestly, I'd leave if I could. But I have no money and no job. I'm trying to pay off my debts at the moment (credit card etc) so that when my youngest starts school next year I can get a full time job and will be able to leave. Just knowing that I've got about another 18 months until I can even start planning to leave is so depressing

Wow! Reading your story was like reading my own. Like you I have been unhappy in my marriage, but with two young kids and me having no job as I am a stay at home mum . I feel like I couldn't give them a propper life without my husband. He is an amazing dad but he doesn't make my heart smile anymore. Its hard pretending, so I understand where u r coming from : )