Need A Release

I have been going through so man dark black areas in life the past 3 years. I thought that I would be somewhere completely different than where I am now. I didn't expect to be in an unhappy marriage with a child right now. There are so many good time and there are all of the bad times. I've thought about running away, I've thought about suicide, I've thought about counseling, trying to ignore everything and I just can't get resolution from anything. I wish I didn't hate him so much but I do. I should love him with all of my heart. There are lots of times that I do but when we fight I can't find it and it depletes it bit by bit every single time. I wish there was a release for me. I don't have one. I feel trapped. I moved across the country away from all of my family for my husband and now I have no one. I am literally trapped in California. I guess everything happens for a reason but I don't know why this time. Since we moved here there has been no stability. He can't find a job very easily because of his felony record. This means living situations are a hassle as well. His step mother passed away this past July and we were staying with her because there was nowhere else to go. The day before we were supposed to sign paperwork for a place he was fired for sexual harassment. I had already suspected things weren't right and unfortunately not to my surprise I was right. There was a website that seemed to pop up on more than one occasion and it really bothered me. No one ever admitted to actually going to it.
Dramadancer Dramadancer
26-30, F
Sep 25, 2012