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I Dont Think I Love My Husband Anymore

This is going to be the first time that I am publicly able to say what I feel and not worry about having my head chewed off.

My husband and I have been married for seven years, we have 4 children. To the outside world it seems we have the "perfect marriage". I think people look at us and tend to forget that there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. Just writing this makes me want to cry. I don’t hate him, but I don't love him. I know that he will do anything to make me happy, but at the same time he can do things to make me sad as well. He changed, I guess we both did. He used to be this incredible guy who wouldn’t hurt a fly. Then he turned into this screaming and angry person. Sometimes the children can see this. He always comes back and apologizes for it, but I am over the apologizing. When we are alone and he tries to be intimate with me, I feel uneasy. I literally have to tell myself to relax and to smile so that he can not see the discomfort on my face.

 

We used to be so close, and do everything as a family. He loved family so much that you couldn’t help but to love yours and to want that same passion. Somewhere down the line that changed. He started making excuses to not go on family trips. I would end up going alone with the children (who were young at the moment). It was hard to do the family trips with 2 little ones and a set of twins. I would express this to him and he would promise to join on the next trip. The next trip would come and it would be "oh let's do it another time", or "I'm tired from work". At this point we both worked so if I could do it I didn’t understand why he couldn’t. However to accommodate him I would reschedule or cancel all together. I started to reset it without really realizing it. Then one day it just hit me how unhappy I was.

I started looking at him like he was someone I didn’t know. We got to a point where we were living separate lives. I had stated thinking of myself as single. I started realizing that because he didn’t notice me, didn’t mean I did not exist. I started feeling like I could breathe. I was losing weight, eating healthier, (because during the time I was unhappy I gained a lot of weight). I went from a size 8 to double digits. RIDICULOUS!!!!  I was happy and everyone could see it. I finally broke down and spoke to my mom about my unhappiness. Her advice was he is a good guy, you should stay with him. No one saw a reason for me to leave, saying that if I was unhappy then go on a vacation and when I return all would be better.

In the beginning of 2010 he lost his job and we were forced to face the problems in or marriage. You would think this would make it better, but it didn’t. I told him what was wrong and how it made me feel. His response was if we were intimate more things would be better. It just solidified that I was not happy in his marriage and that I would much rather be his friend than his wife. I want to leave but it would mean tearing the family apart and facing my family with their wagging fingers. I guess I wonder if I can really start over and not regret this decision.

 

 

 

 

Tyrantoflove Tyrantoflove 31-35, F 8 Responses May 10, 2010

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Hey i feel my wife lies to me and that sucks ive been with her for 8 years we have a 7 year old boy but our problem is that she just looks for any excuse to go to her sisters house sometimes i think is her sisters boyfriend how she really wants to be around she talks so much about him but when i tel her whats going on with her and him she gets mad and makes me feel like i need help all these years together i never heart a guys name coming from her mouth like now even do my sister in law has had 3 boyfriends(husbands) before

It is comforting to know we are all not alone, but so very sad. I hope you have come up with some sort of solution. I know I have net. Every time I try to leave and tell him it's over he tells me I haven't tried hard enough. I would live to know how you are doing.

It is comforting to know we are all not alone, but so very sad. I hope you have come up with some sort of solution. I know I have net. Every time I try to leave and tell him it's over he tells me I haven't tried hard enough. I would live to know how you are doing.

It is comforting knowing that other people are going through the same things, but yet so sad that it is so. I am in a similar situation. I hope to find some comfort soon. I wish the same for all of you.

the first paragraph of your story is very easy for me to relate to. when you said "When we are alone and he tries to be intimate with me, I feel uneasy. I literally have to tell myself to relax and to smile so that he can not see the discomfort on my face."... this is me every day, and it's killing me living like this. I realize it's been a month since you posted this and I hope that you have figured something out since then, as i feel a little of what you were (and maybe still are) going through.

I had experienced the very same thing. my husband never yells at me in public neither hurt me emotionally by being so mean with his ridiculous jokes and painful remarks. He used to be a loving and caring as well as a thoughtful husband. But now he has changed so much that I think he is now a stranger. He lies and hides so many things which I eventually discovers every time. He even had an affair. He asks for forgiveness and keeps on apologizing but he should mean what he says. He always fails and never keeps his promise. I don't believe anything he says anymore. So I left him. We've been separated for two years now and my kids are with me. Everything is okay with me. We are better being friends than a couple. I don't resent a bit about the decision I made. If I didn't leave him, maybe I would be having low self- esteem and self-confidence. You should try to reflect on your marriage. Would you rather stay for the sake of other people while you're hurting inside and can't stand the sight of your husband everyday? or would you really like to leave and create a happy home for your kids without a father but peace in your heart would stay forever?

Sounds like You should consider leaving. The first part made me smile as I thought of a song I heard....It's hard to kiss the lips at night that chew your *** all day.... It sounds like it is time for you to start planning a course of action. Obviously you aren't happy and being he has changed and is yelling now, maybe he isn't happy either. But it sounds like resentment has already set in. It is hard to work out a relationship once resentment is present. Start to figure out what you are going to do and take steps to make it transpire. This happens to people every day. Your not the first to feel like this nor will you be the last. Good luck.

i feel the same way you do, my wife is a good mother and woman but i just dont feel any love 4 her!!! we 5 kids and like you our familiy and friends think we have the perfect marrige, so no one will understand what i feel, i dont want to let down the people i care for but now im staring to get depressedcuz i feel trapped!!!