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Marriage Is Nothing More Than Legalized Slavery.

Needless to say, Im pretty unhappy.  I have been married for only 5 year and they have been a wretched.  I have three children ages 10, 4, and 2.  My husband is exceptionally controlling, very demanding, and has an explosive temper.  He opens and reads of my personal mail.  He goes through my emails, txt messages on  my phone, listens in on my phone calls to family and friends, and will do anything to prevent me from having any kind of privacy or personal boundaries. I am not allowed to have or spend money but he drops money without thinking at his golf club or the casino. (This DRIVES ME NUTS!!!!)  I am also not allowed to have "free" time.  I am expected to drop everything and do as I am told when I am told.  That doesnt work for me!

I cannot talk to him without him insulting or yelling at me.  He finds fault in literally everything I do.  I have given up trying to reason with him. I just do what I am going to do; he yells and screams but he yells and screams no matter what I do.  So I might as well get something out of it.

I keep a very clean home. I have breakfast, lunch and dinner ready for everyone almost every day (with the exceptions of when I am hospitalized.)  I cook, clean, and manage the children even when I am very sick.  I am not really given a choice in the matter.  If I dont do it; no one will.  My children will not be neglected simply because their father is an ***.  When I am hospitalized, a grandma comes and takes the kids.  So he is never responsible for his offspring.
 
Before I stayed at home with the children, I was an IT Director. 

I hate what my environment has become.  I just cannot believe what its turned into; I really dont know how it got to this point.  I want out but I cannot afford to leave and I certainly cant afford to go without his health insurance.  (Yes, I know, Im staying for the wrong reason; Im a terrible person, yada, yada, ya....)  I have very serious health issues.  Going without health insurance would be catastrophic.
MsEnigma MsEnigma 26-30 23 Responses Jun 24, 2010

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Sorry dear, but you have to face the consequences of your actions. You chose to marry him, stick to that choice. Good luck.

i m varun singh i m only 31 can u want to make friendship with me

Find something that gives you pleasure and keep it for yourself.
Focus on your children and your happiness. Not his.

I don't think your a terrible person for staying for "the wrong reason". What are you supposed to do...raise your kids out on the street. We often find ourselves in these situations. A situation that had we known we would have done things differently. But, I know for one, I was tricked. Totally believed everything he told me when we were dating only to find out there were lies. Also, he was a GREAT guy when we were dating. Now, I don't even recognize him. But, I am also in a financial situation where I can not leave. We own a business together and it would take down a lot of people if I forced the sale of the biz. Plus, no guarantee that it would sell. And, frankly at my age (55) I don't want to lose what I have materially.

It sounds like you are in an abusive relationship. No one should be telling you what you can do or not do. You are not a child but an adult get some help through a local abuse group.

Well it sounds like a tough situation. Having your health situation complicates things. Is there other family that can help you?

I can certainly understand your situations... I'm in the same situation... I'm newly married....I hate guys with ego... Seriously I feel that marriage is all bullshit.... Im planning to depart... Don't know totally confused....

I feel for you. And when you say Marriage is Legalized Slavery <br />
you are right. I have always thought that way. <br />
its bullshit. You get legally nailed to somebody and wind <br />
up having to stay through all kinds of nonsense and its garbage. <br />
that is why I have never gotten married and probably wont. <br />
Then you have religious people who say that marriage is God ordained<br />
That's bullsh(t too. If there is a God no way would he come up with a <br />
stupid idea like marriage. get married and stick with the same crappy <br />
relationship your whole life and be miserable. is that something that comes <br />
from God. Nope Sound like bullshit to me. Sounds like something <br />
the devil would impose upon people rather than a loving God. <br />
but getting past that. Yeah. Marriage has never appealed to me. <br />
because it is like you say a prison. You cant up and leave if you need to <br />
without going through some big mess of a legal fight and I have <br />
no need for that crap. I have no need to be locked into something <br />
no way. I just date a woman and have a regular relationship might even <br />
live together if it goes that far but as soon as that relationship is not <br />
a good thing anymore. SEE YA!!! buh bye <br />
And this whole deal where in a marriage the other partner is entitled <br />
to take half of your stuff if you divorce is a bunch of bullsh*t too. <br />
<br />
and this you have to stick together forever even if your not happy is <br />
bullcrap also.

Take sometime for yourself. Leave the kids with him and go home if home is far away to your family for a week. Life is to short to live for him. You must put yourself before him. If you dont you may not have a life Once you return you will have a better view on your life.

I am 53 yrs old my husband and I have 2 children together 12 and 13 and i have another 28 yr old. my husband started physically abusing me when i had the children as babies it was a nightmare but i was forced to stay It doesnt happen now but i just dont feel anything for him how do i leave this unhappy situation with no financial backup as no job prospects. I am a full time carer and cleaner

Go back to work and start sorting out your life for you and your kids. I'm pretty much in the same boat, but I've told myself that I'll never get to a point where I depend on him for anything because he is going to let me down. Sort out you life because it gets worse especially if he doesn't want to change.

I understand. I'm sorry. I agree with wishwing. It's the only way I cope. I'm trying to build myself a life raft to survive when he leaves or I do. I've had cancer, so I pray everyday that before I die I will know what it is to be loved.<br />
<br />
Until then I try and pretend this is the kind of marriage I hope my kids have someday. It is soul-killing, but I can't leave. As long as I stay, I have to keep him happy.<br />
<br />
I'll keep working had and pray I live long enough to be free someday.

I can relate to your feelings. I just wish you can get some independence financially. Get a job and put passwords and codes in all your electronic devices. If your health conditions don't allow you to work outside the home, you might qualify for alimony and this will help you cover your health related expenses. I commend you for your bravery and I hope you find a loophole to solve your problems.

My husband was like this but not as bad. He didn't want me doing anything if he wasn't with me. No me time I couldn't go out with the girls. I needed to run all money decisions through him (including buying the kids new jeans) and so on. But he changed. He changed when I started treating him the same way. Yelling at him about everything being pissed when he spent money accusing him of cheating anytime he wanted to do something without me present I treated him exactly like he treated me and when he bitched I made it a point to point out that he was complaining about everything I had complained about. He realized he was an a** and we made some changes things aren't perfect but at least they're fair.

sorry but in many case you are rightthe toung lady had to do it all and in many case she also works in a part time or fulltime job<br />
<br />
in my case with my first wife that was not the case we worked and did every thing side by side<br />
with my scond true love thatw as not the case<br />
and has never been the case with me in fact the trash i have been with sensemy second love was kill is just that trsh i even had to work then come home and good when they watched tv court shows <br />
<br />
sorry for how youhave had to be treated but it goes both ways and i knopw that does not help

It's so sad

I support all of you women who are in abusive relationships and cant get out because of kids or finances. I dont know how this problem is to be solved because for everything else we cab find ways except the kids.. they r actually the shackles on our feet. i wish we all lived in open relationships and you could just up and move whenever u thought it wasnt working anymore.. and kuds grew up in like max 5 years so you didnt have to worry about them after that. the women especially should get like 75% of all the man's wealth if he is an *** and wont treat her right.<br />
money

Super glue his favorite part to his belly and his hands to his knees.

lol

I know...I often have the WTF was I thinking??? My dh spends money like crazy!!! Ignores family needs & puts his wants 1st. He has bought 2 vehicles w/out any discussion with me, yet I can't buy bed linens w/out him present. I hate him completely...everyfucinday! He acts like he is the friggin KING of the world, his mom gave him that (only child)...but he is lazy, uncaring. He is fat & balding..all around self centered a**hole. Once I have some money stashed I am outta here!

I know what u mean my husband is controling also i want out of my marrige asap. just hang in there try to save money and go live with ur mom plus u can try and applie for medical its free.

You need to get away from him, somehow, someway you will find a way......Life is far to short, your'e not living your'e just existing. You can't carry on like this......trust me i am getting out of mine and i have been married for 20 years been with him 25years and i am at the point where i hate the sight of him, he can do no wrong in his eyes, he blames everyone else for his own mistakes and never takes ownership for anything unless it benefits him, i have met some very selfish people in my life, but this one is one of the most selfish people i have had the misfortune to be married to.<br />
<br />
For the sake of your kids, and your own sanity, you must 'plan and prepare' to make an exit.......Of course it will be very hard and daunting but can you really live this life of misery ?<br />
<br />
There are too many stories like yours and mine here on ep, and loads have survived and not one of them says they regret leaving their husband/spouse ......in fact it turned out the best thing they ever did.!!!!!<br />
<br />
Good Luck and stay safe sending you big (((((hugs)))))<br />
Love wish

hmm try talking to him,go to a counselor? head the church for help

i know what you mean. i am also in the same boat for the most part.