Kill Me Now!

I am so DESPERATELY unhappy!   As I sit here seeking my catharsis through typing these words, I know that I won't feel quite this badly tomorrow . .  or next week.  Because this level of unhappy only happens every once in awhile -- when my husband shows the side of himself I hate most.  Mulish ignorance.

It embarrasses me when my husband reaches his intellectual limit in front of others, then digs his heels in because he realizes SOMEthing's wrong, although he can't figure out what.  This happened yesterday during marriage counseling.    It always makes me feel as if there's no hope for us -- because he's simply incapable of grasping the problem or articulating at the necessary level to solve it. 

Compromise isn't a word in his vocabulary.  We either do things HIS way -- or he's a victim.  There's no middle ground.   Most times, I play along.  Some days, I just don't feel like it.  I want to leave so badly.  But the fear of managing on my own, and being alone emotionally forever -- keep stymying me. Some days, I truly wish I had a fairy godmother.

I don't feel like going to work.  I just wanna curl up in a little ball and cry.
Colormevibrant Colormevibrant
46-50, F
8 Responses Aug 18, 2010

I herd about these new COUNCILORS that work in your neighborhood.....<br />
I think there names are JERY and BEN...

Hahaha!!! Not exotic enough for me! I like my support systems with more of a European flair. I've retained the services of Haagen Daaz . . . ;-)

My heart goes out to you; I understand exactly how you feel. Communication is difficult between my husband and me, and I often have to think very, very carefully about how to phrase what I'm going to say. If I want to tell him that what he's doing isn't working, I have walk on eggshells. I often find myself using the same teaching methods with him that I do with my 6 and 8 year old grandchildren. It works but I feel cheated of adult companionship and conversation. It really isn't a lack of inteligence on his part - it's a lack of respect for logic, intellect, learning and teaching. He had bad experiences in school and, now in his 70's, doesn't esteem his own intellect and learning or anyone elses. He's a man that feels less than and at odds with nearly everyone.<br />
I should have left years ago, when I was young enough to live life on my own happily. I hope for you that you can make a decision to leave or get a real change in your relationship. I can tell you from experience that commiserating with him, making excuses for him and giving in to his sullen behavior only makes the situation worse. I've done those things and am paying the price.

Okay, your therapy form this weekend is to walk around whistling (humming, your option) the song from South Pacific, "I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair".

Awww . . Tee, Lookskyward . . . Thank you so much for the support and pep talk! :-) As usual, I'm never in the doldrums long -- and I'm beginning to feel better already! <br />
<br />
Lookskyward . . . LOVE your promise of a "line of men" interested in my "possibilities" -- WHY oh WHY must that delicious visual be merely "figurative"??? ;-)

I am sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time in your life. I don't know enough about you to make any specific suggestions, but generically, I gather that you are intellectual and your husband was not. That and presumably other things broke your relationship. My most general advice is that in your 40's you are still young and can still find happiness and fulfillment. There are MANY fish in the sea, many of which like you have learned a lot of life and then got divorced and are looking for a second try at a relationship. After a while you will be ready to try again too, and then you'll probably find a figuratively-speaking line of men interested in your possibilities. Good luck! And don't overlook the new opportunity you will soon have to play the field for a while before you settle down again, if that is your choice.

Never too late to be authentic, Tee. Perhaps you bring that authenticity to her first, but your girls deserve to see the real you. Happiness is overrated. Peace and authenticity are under-appreciated. Just my opinion.....

I am also in an unhappy marriage but I think someone said that every unhappy marriage (or maybe it was families) is unhappy in its own unique way. Mine is unhappy due to my wife's total lack of interest in sex or intimacy. We are totally intellectually compatible and that is probably what has kept us together. That and the girls. Take satisfaction in your job and what you can from your marriage. But at some time it may come to you that you will be better off starting over. I often wonder if I should have done so years ago. Maybe it is too late now.

I'm so flattered u took the time to reply so fully! In fact -- 1st smile I've had all day. Can't argue w/the wisdom of yr words, m'friend. When I dragged myself into the office today, I was greeted by an email from our outside counsel: a settlement "offer" in a pending case in the mid-six figures! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Yeah. Not so much. AND it's raining. Oy. What a DAY!