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I Have No Feelings For My Wife

I've been married 35 years. No outside affairs or romances. We were fine as long as we didn't have kids. Then when our children were young my wife sought to shut me out of any influence in their lives. Rules were just a way to control people so there were few. Subsequently we ended up with a drug addled daughter who never finished high school (my wife helped her quit in her senior year while I was out of town). My oldest son turned down all opportunities to get any training that could lead to a productive lifestyle. He's now working part time for minimum wage and living in our basement. My wife thinks it's great that he will never leave home. The third was my gift from God. He was self disciplined and has always done well in spite of the way he was raised. He's a successful college graduate and his mother criticizes him for not being married at 28. We adopted our last son and it was the best thing we ever did. We were somewhat alienated by my wifes actions but recently have become closer again. I have made a concerted effort to reestablish the relationship that I was denied during his early school years. My daughter met a good man who helped her straighten her life out. She's in a Masters program and has three wonderful children (she's much more strict with them). We recently became closer again and let all the bad times of the past go. We get along very well now and sometimes she calls me to talk instead of my wife. I have been really trying to patch things up with all of my children and it seems to be working. I should add that I have suffered from chronic depression for most of my adult life. It was often made worse by my being pushed out of the family. In recent years I have become disabled due to long term medical problems related to the first Gulf War. The bright side was I was finally put on Cymbalta and the change was amazing. No more thoughts of suicide, much happier with my life, our love life rekindled and I thought our marital problems were finally over. It even led to my effort to reconnect with my kids. Since I have been successfully reconnecting, my wife has become increasingly irritable and now always wants to fight about everything. Today someone gave me a complete set of Pfaltzgraft dinnerware. Ever since I brought it home she has been very hostile about it. We have nothing like that so it isn't like it's a duplicate problem. She seems to want to be at odds with each other. I have almost left her several times during our marriage but there was always something that prevented it. I still also had a feeling of love for her. Now I'm just empty. I feel nothing for her. The deep down love that used to help me keep from leaving is gone. My life and health are being effected. I am struggling mightily not to fall into the deep dark hole of depression again. I have no outside friends that I can confide in. I won't drag my family members into it. I do see a mental health counselor. I'm new here and I hope this isn't too long or inapropriate. I just don't know what to do.
sleepingnome sleepingnome 56-60 Jun 11, 2011

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