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There Is No Intimacy, In Any Form, In My Marriage

My husband and I have become no more than roommates. While he seems perfectly content this has made me incredibly unhappy and sad to the point I am considering leaving. I don't want to live like this any longer. For many years we couldn't keep our hands off on another, always taking any opportunity to have sex but now....we have had sex exactly 5 times in the past 3 1/2 years. We talk about nothing of meaning, we don't cuddle or hold hands and it's been literally years since he has taken me out for dinner. He has grown distant and uninterested in improving our marriage. Last year I kept asking him to go away for a long weekend to work on our marriage. I read a couple of marriage books. He knew this but never once asked about them. Not once has he ever asked about what I learned or how we can make our marriage better and get back on track. As for going away for a weekend, the timing was never right, according to him. He couldn't take off work (he owns a business and works Monday thru Saturday). For a while I thought he was having an affair but I now know that isn't the case. He insists that it's not me and he will not go to a doctor to see if there is a medical issue with him. He just seems to be content with the situation.

At this point I have now checked out the this marriage. The current situation is not the way I want to live. I am still young and I want passion in my life. I want to feel wanted and desired. I want to sit across a candle light table and be told that I'm beautiful. I want romance and intimacy.
Moonwillow85 Moonwillow85 41-45, F 40 Responses Sep 17, 2011

Your Response


Hi Moonwillow.

I experience the same in my married life. Problem with me is After one year of marraige i relocated to Germany while my husband is still in native country .I feel there is lot of gap .We can only talk for 1 hour in night on skype. But i expect he should talk something romantic or atleast something which keeps the relationship alive. he simply explain what he did and then he ask about my day at work .. and finally wants to sleep(he is sleepy by that time ) .. its been 2 years now ,I am 28 , he is 32 . But i feel like he behaves as if he is 42 . i want his attention and love . But my make up , my dresses , my care , my passion for him nothing can buy that !!!

Ssme here, married for two years & we had sex just one time. He doesn't want to do anything with me . He seems disgusted to touch any part of my body . Wasn't like this before we got married . I tried to talk to him but he got mad @ me & doesn't wAnn talk about it. I dont really know what to do. I am 29 years old . Till when shall I keep trying to get his attention !!! I try not to think about it but how ??? Any advise please😭😭😭😭😭

Your situation sounds very similar to mine, in reverse though. I am the husband, and the way my wife behaves sounds almost exactly hour you describe your husband.

The reason I am on this site is that I dont have anyone I feel I can talk to about this. Unlike a lot of unhappy marriages, the problem with mine is not sex. While my wife and I never have sex, it is more the intimacy, romance and passion that is missing. Sure I would like to have sex, but more important to me is that I think she has just lost interest in me.

I want her to feel that I am special, that I dazzle her, and that she respects me. But she seems very apathetic, and I cant get her to talk to me about things. I end up feeling very lonely and alone, even though I live with her. How many people use the term "roommate" ? That's exactly how I feel.

I dont know where to turn, or what to do, and I have almost given up hope. I do hope I can find someone on this site that I can communicate with, and I'm hoping that could lead to a way to get started in rebuilding my relationship with my wife.

Sad how many of us are on this site who seem to be living the exact same life. I wonder if anyone has been in our situation and it got better. The only way it seems to get better is by being over.

I have been married for 29 years and all my husband wants is sex, there is no intimacy at all, I am very affectionate but he is not at all , I really get frustrated .

I have walked away...... I found a job as a musician (trumpet) and I have an income that permits me to exist independently while leaving the monies from my investments and property for her to use. I am still lonely but at least I don't have to sit at home - I long to be with someone who will allow me to touch and stimulate a relationship.... Perhaps someone will find me!!!

I have a different situation and could really use some input for others if they have every heard of my circumstances and if any thing can be done? Couple she 47 attractive, little over weight, three kids, me 49, I don't know what I am anymore use to think I was ok but unsure now? I know I am over weight, I have replaced sex with food, 6 two or three 260 lbs., and have an injured eye that looks funny? Was fairly populate with girls back in HS. Anyhow I don't believe in divorce, and raise though 4 marriages, can't do to my kids. When I first got married I really thought god had put us together, I had prayed for some time before, anyhow. When we first got married I was so horny and insistent that I did really notice that our sex life was very one sided, and after 30 years of marriage and one broke hope after another and false hope after false hope, we now or I understand she doesn't want or need sex ever and never has. It has drove me to hate her and I can't be with her sexual anymore, it makes me feel ashamed of my desires and I can't take the hurt I feel when she will never say or do anything again, even when I have begged, threatened, scream, and cried, for her to try, she just doesn't and it is driving me to hate her, so now I am sexless for the passed 6 months, but very unhappy. Although she is my only turn friend other than my kids, and in many ways I love her at the same time even knowing she can't help it I blame her also. Please help with any good advise or suggestions! Em greattimes196980 at yah. Com.

i m varun singh i m only 31 can u want to make friendship with me

Wow. This sounds like me and my marriage of 4 yrs.

I'm living the same way. Except I think my husband is cheating. I hope you find a answer to your problems. I haven't yet. Good luck.

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Hi Moonwillow,

I can relate to your feelings, being a man in a similar situation. She wanted kids, so we had kids. I love my kids, but the youngest is 12 and the oldest is in university. If my wife and I are intimate more than once or twice a year I begin to wonder what's wrong. I want it, but she simply is not interested. We went without for nearly two years once and nearly three another time.

I understand your need to feel romanced and wanted. Women are not the only ones who need to feel loved and wanted. (I am not saying that you believe women are the only ones... I'm just making a general statement.)

I wish you find a resolution to your issues and needs. You seem like a caring woman who simply needs to be appreciated and treated like a lady.

Moonwillow85. I am feeling almost the exact same thing as you with my husband. It's almost the same situation. I feel like we are roommates, no affection or attention. It's gotten worse in the past few years. I have discussed this with him many times. I am getting more and more frustrated with the situation. I have put up with so much and can't take it anymore. I deal with it for a period of time and then he will aggravate me so much and then I wonder "why am I putting up with this miserable life?" I feel like I am just dealing with it. We have 2 children, 1 in high school, 1 in college. I have been unhappy a long time. Don't be doesn't get better. Move on! Easier said than done, I know. I am so miserable that I can't stand it anymore and want OUT!!!! But I feel trapped in many ways. Also, I take care of myself, work out at least 5x per week, keep up my hair, etc. I try to look my best and look a lot younger than I am. My husband?????????? not the same. His stomach has grown so much, he doesn't watch what he eats, etc. He is so moody and some days I just can't stand him!!!!!! I hate wasting my life with him.....that is how I feel a lot of days. I also need to be with someone who gives me the attention I deserve. So many guys would have loved to date me, etc. Perfect strangers give me attention (I'm not interested in anyone), but I am starting to think that I should start moving on. Good luck moonwillow.............I feel for you and am right there with you!

Hello everyone

I honestly never thought I would be hear looking for answers. I have been in my relationship for 10 years and we have not had sex for over a year. I feel it triggers most of my anger and frustration. He disagrees. I am at a point where I am thinking of leaving. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

I am so sorry. I just googled "support for unhappy marriage" and this page came up. I am in a similar situation. I am so unhappy. I blame my so called husband for everything. My best friend just told me to start working on me, and go from there. Sounded like good advice to me.

Please write me, ............

I am all too familiar with your predicament. I too an in a similar situation. Passion is what i too miss most. The small touches. I think my time without sex is longer than anyone whom i have found on EP. So i do understand and I have gone through those exact same thought process.

You sound like me, I'm too young to not have any romance in my life. I can't leave because I don't have myself set up financially. and not leaving everything. I'm so lonely. I just want to get on a plane and run away. Good luck to you. I just want love in my life

i have been married for 25 years together 30. 4 children youngest 18. and he has slept on the couch for 15 years. no intamacy at all. sex included. i am so lost. the children kept me in in but i dont know anymore he is 15 years my senior and the last three years have been heart renching. i just dont want to hurt the kids or maybe the failure of something that ment everything to me. i have a male friend for 9 years. i couldnt have made it this long without his friendship. please help

I am in the same situaiton, no love or emotion or intimacy for years. Would be nice to meet for a coffee and commiserate, or talk about a better future.

I started reading this bc i was feeling this way, and i'm glad i did. My husband and i use to do it all the time and anywhere, after 13 years we probably do it 5 times a week and this is not enough for me. I couldnt live with a husband like that and i dont think its fair to you. I have to feel wanted and desired and i love to make my husband feel that way....

This situation is not just happening for women with their husbands im in the same situation with my wife and it sucks



either leave him or stop whining

My wife should be with your hubby. They sound like 2 peas in a pod. Hope you find a way to improve your relationship.

I understand completely. My husband sleeps on the couch because he says its more comfortable for him. Then the other day he said I needed to clear off the boxes on the guest bed in case he ever wants to lay down. I might have asked why he wouldn't just come to bed with me if I cared anymore but I don't and I don't think I could sleep with him in the bed anyway. He plays video games 24/7 while I work full time and do everything around the house. Cook, clean, maintenance ....everything. I can't even get him to feed the dog. He's on disability and truly does need to be but isn't so bad off he couldn't help me out. He can handle doing things that he wants to do. I almost don't even care anymore except it ticks me off when he calls me lazy because it might be a day or two before I get to the dishes or something. I don't care that we don't have sex anymore, its been over a year. I do miss having a normal conversation but he constantly interrupts me to the point I just don't bother speaking anymore. Sometimes he asks a question and doesn't even wait for me to answer.

hi Moonwillow85, is there anything like emotional affair? how does it work, please help me, maybe thats what I really need to cope with my loveless marriage and lonely life.

Where are you located?

I feel your pain dear cos I am presently going through same. I wonder why men delight in treating women this way. God will help us.

IPO1, men don't delight in treating women this way. But there are a lot of boys who've been told they're a man because they are over 18, they have a car and a penis.
I believe in God's providence, and I believe in training my 3 boys to become men; hopefully I will be man enough to confront them when they are not acting like men. It would shame me to find out in the future I had raised a boy like Moonwillow's hubby.

I understand your situation. Hubby and I are in the same scenario; he's content with our marriage but me on the other hand feel like I we're emotionally disconnected. We've also lost communication and definitely lost the intimacy too.

i am going through the same situation.

No women shold feel like that. I would love to chat and talk about your needs and desires. Maybe i can provide some of the attention you deserve.

I am so sorry for your situation, I share it in many ways. I am certain that my husband has simply lost interest in sex. He has used some of the medications that help with erection issues, but they aren't ideal. Two years ago, he moved into the spare bedroom. He is a real loner and spends very little time with me. The only discussions are arguments. We even watch television in different rooms.<br />
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If you have been married for a long time, and your husband is on any medication such as blood pressure meds, that could be causing problems for him. Try talking to his Doctor if he won't go. Maybe you can find out if any of his medical history has an influence on your problems.<br />
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Good luck to you, I wish you the best!