So Unhappy I Wish I Were Dead
I have been married for 25 years. They have all been pretty terrible. Each year I think it can't get any worse but it does. I am so totally ignored in my house that when I speak, everyone talks right over me like I'm not there. The thing that is the worst of all is how my husband indulges our children. He has turned them into spoiled, rotten, ungrateful, disrespectful people who won't know how to wipe their own ***** without him around. I have to laugh because many people tell me how lucky I am because my husband pays attention to the kids but they have no idea. My son is 18 and my daughter is 23. My son won't clean his room when I ask him because his father doesn't support me in that endeavor. When I withhold something from my son so he will clean his room, my husband gives it to him behind my back. My husband does all my son's laundry even when he promised me he wouldn't.
My daughter is and has been treated like a princess all her life. We actually idolized her when she was little. So much for that. She is now demanding and pouty when she doesn't get what she wants and on top of that she has a college degree and works two nights as a bartender but my husband pays her car insurance, her gasoline (and her boyfriends gas), her medical insurance and half her rent. That would be fine if she were nice to me at least. She treats my husband like she really loves him and me she barely tolerates. She disagrees with everything I say, embarrasses me in public and is sarcastic most of the time...thank God we don't live together anymore but how sad!!
My son is going to college in the fall and I have been realty upset about that thinking there would be no one to talk to but I suddenly realized that the only time he talks to me is when he wants something anyway so bye, bye!
My husband and I absolutely HATE each other but I am the only one who admits it. He looks at me sometimes like I am the devil incarnate then turns around and says, "can I get you anything, HONEY?" He is a textbook example of passive aggressive behavior and one who is in such denial about everything that he isn't even in reality anymore. HE ACTUALLY SEES THE WORLD THE WAY HE WANTS IT TO BE, NOT THE WAY IT IS.
That is so bizarre to me because I live very much in reality. I feel so lonely and sad all the time. There is no one to talk to except my therapist and you know how that goes...after the hours, its so long, see ya next week. I feel abandoned by my husband and my kids. I actually can see how people commit suicide out of anger. Thank God for my two dogs or I might actually do it just for spite.
So...that's it, I guess for now.