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So Unhappy I Wish I Were Dead

I have been married for 25 years. They have all been pretty terrible. Each year I think it can't get any worse but it does. I am so totally ignored in my house that when I speak, everyone talks right over me like I'm not there. The thing that is the worst of all is how my husband indulges our children. He has turned them into spoiled, rotten, ungrateful, disrespectful people who won't know how to wipe their own ***** without him around. I have to laugh because many people tell me how lucky I am because my husband pays attention to the kids but they have no idea. My son is 18 and my daughter is 23. My son won't clean his room when I ask him because his father doesn't support me in that endeavor. When I withhold something from my son so he will clean his room, my husband gives it to him behind my back. My husband does all my son's laundry even when he promised me he wouldn't.

My daughter is and has been treated like a princess all her life. We actually idolized her when she was little. So much for that. She is now demanding and pouty when she doesn't get what she wants and on top of that she has a college degree and works two nights as a bartender but my husband pays her car insurance, her gasoline (and her boyfriends gas), her medical insurance and half her rent. That would be fine if she were nice to me at least. She treats my husband like she really loves him and me she barely tolerates. She disagrees with everything I say, embarrasses me in public and is sarcastic most of the time...thank God we don't live together anymore but how sad!!

My son is going to college in the fall and I have been realty upset about that thinking there would be no one to talk to but I suddenly realized that the only time he talks to me is when he wants something anyway so bye, bye!

My husband and I absolutely HATE each other but I am the only one who admits it. He looks at me sometimes like I am the devil incarnate then turns around and says, "can I get you anything, HONEY?"  He is a textbook example of passive aggressive behavior and one who is in such denial about everything that he isn't even in reality anymore. HE ACTUALLY SEES THE WORLD THE WAY HE WANTS IT TO BE, NOT THE WAY IT IS.

That is so bizarre to me because I live very much in reality. I feel so lonely and sad all the time. There is no one to talk to except my therapist and you know how that goes...after the hours, its so long, see ya next week. I feel abandoned by my husband and my kids. I actually can see how people commit suicide out of anger. Thank God for my two dogs or I might actually do it just for spite.

So...that's it, I guess for now.

 

tselliott tselliott 56-60, F 49 Responses Mar 24, 2008

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Your not alone I'm in same boat I hate my life

i m varun singh i m only 31 can u want to make friendship with me

My husband died of ALS. He was not there for me in my hour of need. I am glad he is dead.

I think kaybudd22 is totally right ....You r there in that situation but You d o
have options ....You just need to slowly separate Yourself from them .....find new friends ,new activities ...its very unfortunate that You ve family like this ....but You still are alive lol/ and you can change things for Your benefit.....You are You and they are them ...screw them all.....join some internet forums and make new friends !!!

I'm married only 2 years and I feel like I made the wrong decision, I feel like I have a child not a husband, all he has to do is get up go to work and come home, I have to beg him to do anything in the house he's always tired, and needs to relax, what about me? **** doesn't get done by itself, I have to work look after the house and all the financial, when I asked him to set himself up for internet banking he avoiding doing it because he "doesn't want to talk to someone on the phone" he finds an excuse to get out of everything, and if I ever need to talk about something, it's always "later" which never happens, I am beyond angry, he has also never bought me a birthday, anniversary or Xmas present.... Ever!! I even arranged what I wanted with my sister this year what I wanted to make it easy for him, all she had to so was txt her to organise payment, it was only for $100 and what did he say "it's too much trouble" to send a txt?? You selfish *****!! What ye he'll have I done with my life! I feel sometimes like this was the biggest mistake of my life but I also feel like I can't leave, I used to be such a confident outgoing happy person, now I don't know who I am anymore....

mine is much the same, my husband and i dont even talk, im always trying, he comes to me every two days or so show me a funny video, hes getting very lazy and often doesnt make effort with the kids, i feel like a single mother most of the time, hes obsessed with his karate which not only takes up two nights a week from 6.30 till around ten, thats what time he leaves and returns, he also spends all weekend sleeping and most days, the only thing he does is take one of the kids to school and picks them up, thats it for the week for him, we sit in seperate rooms all night as he is mostly non existant if i share a room with him, i cook 99.9'/. of the time and his help with any cleaning has stopped except for washing, he does his own, anytime i try to communicate hes either busy on the toilet or sleeping, i started going out alone alot with the kids and i resent him coming out with me now as it only shopping days he bothers.

Wow! I could almost feel the anger in your words! That pent up hostility isn't healthy. End your marriage and make yourself happy. You deserve to be happy. You only live once. It's a shame you spent most of it so miserable.

my story is the opposite.i am unhappy purely because I don,t deserve to be happy ever. I was a total disgusting mother.i have said and done things so bad in the past that I have to pay for in my remaining years.i just never admit I am in the wrong and I spend every waking moment thinking of the lousy way I have been to my family. I have no right to any sympathy and I definitely have no right to luck.i am surprised I haven,t been struck by lightning or killed in another way

it doesn't matter what you've done or how bad you think you are; God loves you and will forgive you if you ask Him to. He doesn't want you to be unhappy; that's not what He made you for. Let Him fix your brokenness...

I have been married for almost 29 years and feel much the same as you. I am taken for granted, spoken down to by him and the kids. He says it is all in my imagination, but he comes and goes as he pleases, something which I am never allowed to do. My opinions matter to no one here. You like me are being treated as door mats with absolutely no respect

I am so sorry for your misfortune. You deserve to be respected and you are not getting this respect in the slightest, but it seems quite the opposite! Sarcasm, ignorance, and blatant disrespect. I would wash my childrens' mouths out with soap if they talked to me that way - they may not see it now, but if you ignore them or reprimand them for their disrespectful behavior now, they will regret their behavior down the road. As for your husband, I have no words for that ******. It's a shame how people change over the years and take their partners unbelievably for granted. You need to divorce him and show him you are independent and do not stand for disrespect. God Bless.

Hello, 24years of marriage it sounds like a long time It is but living with no respect from the one who is the one you fell in love with and he with you .Funny how time can make or break us .Love can not be one 1 sided know what I mean. My Life Is Going To Change Soon. I am going to make a life somewhere else . That is what I want to do. But right now I have to find work in a place that has very few around. Good luck to you 2.All the best to you guy hope it works out .Take time to talk to anyone that will listen . Bye now ,later.

If you are so unhappy, get a divorce. It is better to come from an unhappy relationship, than to be in one. But before you make that step, be prepared. It is a jungle out there.

Get divorced for sure. Life is too short to be that miserable. What's the point?

Your situation sounds pretty dire indeed, but your life is more precious than you know..this is a cold, cruel world we live in and your spouse and children are proof of that. However, you should remove yourself from that situation because no one should be treated that way. Stay strong..keep a group of trustworthy people who can support you. Your household knows you are affected by it and they are feeding into it..it's time to cut that line. In the end, you will have the last laugh..

It's time to love ur self and da.. The rest. God didn't put us on the earth for us to die of been stupid he died for our sins. So u do that burn baby burn. Wake up cause the ball in ur court. U got the pie and the years. Wake up

My husband is a doctor too. Knows exactly what he is doing. I googled I'm so unhappy I wish I could die tonight and I got this. Very insightful. Glad to see I'm not the only one. But why are we afraid to leave? Afraid to stand up to him? Afraid to go out there on our own? For me, I have 2 stepsons I've grown to love and take care of and a daughter who loves her new family. How can I distort their world for my happiness? My husband is mentally abusive, unappreciative, treats me like dirt and then turns the whole thing around on me like it's my fault - clever doctor who knows exactly what he's doing for sure. I'm inprisoned in this marriage and don't know what to do...

Well , it seems to be a lack of respect here . This sounds like the culture in your house , weather you allowed it or could not stop it , this is where you are at this point . Sounds really sad that the father is their ring leader . Sounds like some pint up resentment and a controlling personality . Well , hey it is what it is , now you must decide how you will live in this environment or weather or not to leave . I know this may sound like a no win situation , but remember what you signed up for , better or worse . This sounds like a whole lot of worse but your commitment to your family should not end when you are unhappy .

I have been married for 18 years and its hell . I have two young girls , read my post wink5218 just posted today about exhausted . But back to you , what I do is find some peace and happiness wherever I am . If they don't want to be bothered with you and your input then hey god bless . More freedom for you , more time for you to get some constructive hobbies and do some things you like . You won't be interrupted in a lot of your daily task . Do something's for yourself , find out who you are and stop focusing on the rest of the family . Enjoy your life the best way you know how and since they don't want to be involved don't involve them .

Don't get stuck on how they treat you , practice how to treat yourself great . I'll leave you with a quote from a man named William Jollie ...." A set back is a set up for a come back ". I'm talking about you , you are the come back start getting back to the happy you and maybe just maybe they may see the shinning light in a dark room . God bless you and my best wishes to you and your family .

you need to realize one thing...that maybe they dont....You are very special...you deserve much more than what they are giving you...because the 2 o fyou have allowed this to go on...you may actually have to leave...if you do leave...you cant go back ...because if you do...it wont take them anytime to revert back to their ways...get out and sign up with plenty of fish....go to the socials...and dances...get your self esteem back then try dating...YOU ARE SPECIAL...and should ber treated as such...

I have been married for 24 years to my husband, I cook, clean, and took care of our 2 children, I love my husband but when i really need him he is not there for me??? yesterday i got a root canal and he was pissed that he had to pay out of his pocket! we got home he never offered me a snack a back rub anything!!! he is on work comp right now and i cook for him everyday gourmet foods and keep the house clean and massage his knees for about an hour, I was so upset that he couldn't cook something for me i was very weak, I really thought he would at least warm some broth in the microwave but know he went out got himself some beer and ordered a pizza that i can't even eat!!! the next day he bought me a hamburger and fries from McDonalds that I can't eat!!! WTF i wait on him all the time and the one time i need him he treats me like crap!!! well I left and slept in my car for hours, instead of him calling me back home he has my son call me???? when i recover which will be soon I will no longer cook or clean or message his knees until I am good and ready!!! and when he undergoes his knee surgery I will be out dancing!!!! he is a ingrate lazy old fat bastard!!! that doesn't appreciate me!!! my own son scrambled eggs for me and my dog laid next to all night.

Dear so unhappy, I wish I were dead,
I have been married 21 years now (married late in life) and we have a 17 1/2 yr. old daughter. Your story has struck so many cords with me, mainly the total indulgence of the children on the part of the dad. My husband has really taken the role of an extremely protective mother over our daughter, leaving me I guess as a dad role - total reversal of parental roles. For our daughter's entire life, my husband has indulge our daughter with whatever she has desired and has "run" to retrieve and/or deliver what she wants. She has in return developed a demanding and arrogant personality, full of intitlement that she has learned to expect. Year after year I have been struggling with this behavior on both their parts, telling my husband that it really is in the best interest of our daughter to earn her allowance, do chores, pick up her room and do things for herself instead of being catered to all the time. It has been a parental tough of war. He now gives her money, lots of money, for whatever shopping and spending she wants to do and she expects it always. He provides the money not matter what, I think to gain her love most of all. I sit on the sidelines and complain about this - to deaf ears. They carry on as usual and make me feel like I am the unwanted third wheel (go away). My relationship with my daughter is almost like an acquintance. I now try to give her words of wisdom for her eighteenth birthday and for the years to come in college. My marriage is damaged because of all of this, I've lost respect for him. I really don't know what to do next.

At witts end.

you need to read my response to this story...the same is true for you...YOU ARE SPECIAL...as well

Hello Did you ever hear that a girl is suppose to be close to their daddy. Sounds like your maybe over thinking to much of the money deal he gives to her and not you .Maybe you need to go on your own see if that helps.

I am a very respectful person to everyone I meet .Do not mean to sound mean at all sorry if it comes out that way may be I better leave my comments to my self and get the he.. off the site not wanted.

Leave.... now. Don't go back, that happened to one of my loved ones, they didn't treat her with respect as well and only when he passed away was she able to live her life. Well, don't wait for that, leave and start living your life with your dogs, at least you'll have their love and you won't be alone and won't be put down anymore. Love is being supportive, caring, nurturing, respecting, unselfish, he doesn't sound like any of that.

I am in for 24 years of marriage ,with one child, damaged from the years of a dysfunctional house hold.<br />
Men who use women they never loved to have a family should be charged with a breach of the marriage contracts and vows and be charged with an offense in criminal court or remedied by a Civil suit for damages.<br />
I am so not the women he married and I don't think I could ever trust anyone, male or female enough to fall in love again. There is so much damage done in this kind of marriage that I understand the wanting to die because their is only the remedy to go from the frying pan to the fire of ob<x>ject poverty and loneliness with no hope of parole. A bad marriage after 20 years is a life sentence. Our only mistake was loving the wrong man . We killed no one and we don not deserve this much loss of our self esteem and personhood. <br />
Paul McCartney had to pay 48.7 million to his wife to get out of the marriage, but poor men just get away with treating us like dirt till we are no longer in their way.That is why we need a criminal charge, cause rich men pay, but the poor ones get away with it. It is just so unjust!!!! <br />
No Lawyer will help a women sue a poor man to get justice. The men know that, so their is nothing to stop them, but if they could be criminally charged they might think it not such a good idea to fraudulently represent themselves when tricking us to fall in love and then break the marriage contract by treating us like dirt.<br />
By CDBM 9/2012

I am a guy who understands your feelings. I am unhappy in my marrage and I used to call my wife a harlot due to her many sexual partners...but then I decided to join the party. Its not a perfect world but you can find contentment. I find that you just need to seek things outside of your comfort zone. You might be suprised what you will be willing and eager to do...and in that...find happeness.

Well people, we all seem to be of one accord. . . . . . Our lives make us feel unhappy. . . Am i right? You betya! It is now time for us to make it work for us. . . . . If you resent doing it STOP, if you are bored with it STOP, if youve just had enough STOP!! Take the time to heal yourself and develop a life style that suits you for a change. When we realise we alone are our own jailers because we comply with everyone else is the day we can wrest control for ourselves and mae a stand. Stop being a doormat and go out and socialise. . . .

i have no one. i wan t to die. I am so lonely. i am worthless. i hate who i am. i am invisible to anyone i love. i have never had anyone love me. i want to die. when i wake up, all i can think about is why did God let me live a life of loneliness again today. i am tiered of women looking at me like im not worth anything. i want to die. i have no one to love. i have no friends because they all moved away. i want to die. there is no end in sight of this cycle. i want to die.

Don't do that, read the story of William Randolph Hearst, he lost everything but even then he choose to not be bitter. Same thing with President Lincoln, he lost his mother, his sister and his fiancee all in one go and still he wasn't bitter, he used that to make himself a better person. So instead of feeling sorry, improve yourself, go to the gymn, take up a language, join a club, volunteer, do anything to improve yourself so much that people can't stop themselves just to be near you. You have to do that for yourself. Part of the optimistic creed is to improve yourself so much that you do not have time to feel sorry for yourself. Try it, at the very least you'll feel better and better as you improve yourself, physically, mentally and spiritually.

I can so relate to your situation. Even though I have a job and I can support myself, I still can't leave. My little one is only 10 and I don't want to disrupt his well being so I'm trapped until he graduates high school. It's so incredibly hard to remain in a loveless relationship. I'm not respected and I haven't had any intimacy in such a long time. I haven't even had a hug in years and I'm constantly put down. I'm so miserable and I wish I were dead too. It feels like I've died on the inside. I hope in the time that's passed that you've found some peace. I hope to eventually find some too.

hi. i am sorry to hear that you are staying in the marriage because of your little one. since you have a job, i suggest you try to save some money and seek counseling for yourself ( do not tell anyone!)
I do not suggest you have to endure it until your son graduate from high school. why do you wanna do that? kids are very aware of their environment. trust me. your son feels that somthing is not right in your household. if you stay in your marriage, you are unhappy and so, will your son be. do not teach your kid to be submissive and miserable. you must be strong. you owe it to your son to teach him to stand up for himself and be happy!
you should make a plan, take your time, and please try to get some kind of counseling. then, you can pull a katie Holmes on your husband! get out of your marriage! you deserve happiness and so does your son! good luck.

Take care 1unhappychick, good luck to your son, remember that you are special and you deserve happiness. We all do.

" Everyone deserves to be respected, cared for, listened to and loved.<br />
<br />
Hugs to all of you. "<br />
<br />
Thank you for writing that. Today is the day after my husband had a temper tantrum, screaming, cursing, name-calling, insulting. I wish I were dead. I hold on by curling up with the dog. He doesn't hit me anymore since I got the dog - a great dane. I'm not financially independent and have no family. I don't know how to take the first step to have my own money - how? I haven't worked in 12 years - our child is in middle school. I have my faults but I'm not a horrible person. I think I could call what he does emotional abuse without being melodramatic. He's a doctor so he knows exactly what he is doing.

I am so sorry for you. So many of us are in broken relationships. Abuse of any sort is wrong, and I suspect all of us are guilty of it in one way or another.

my boyfriend just threw me under the bus nice guy but he's done it before i want to leave but i can't afford to right now i hate him so much always making himself look like the good guy but i know the real truth

Wow. Written 3 years ago??? If only I'd read your story..... MY STORY exactly, minus the dogs and son, add a daughter~~~ Everything else... EXACTLY the same. I wish I had read your story when I first came to EP looking for answers and support instead of what I allowed to happen. Maybe I would've chosen a different, less painful path. <br />
We've all made our mistakes, and I've certainly made mine, including what you were afraid to try.... so please don't, it leaves you with more shame than you may be able to handle--that is, IF you survive the attempt. <br />
<br />
I'd love to hear your update if you're still around--- I am separated and making plans for independence and divorce. I can't give you a happy ending to my story, as its unfolding for me every day..... but I can give you support!