I Just Need To Be Strong, And Do It For Me And HerI have been with my husband for almost 8 years (married for 3). We have a 3yr old daughter whom we both adore. Outside of her, we don't have much going...
We met about 12 years ago, shortly before he was deployed to Iraq. When he came home, he had a new found sense of freedom (rightfully so) and wanted to do and experience everything. That fit right in with my lifestyle so we hit it off great. About a year later, his PTSD really set in, but I was in love and determined to help him through it. After a year of therapy, he was finally starting to feel "normal" again. What I didn't know was that "normal" meant sitting on the couch, or playing his computer.
He was no longer the man who wanted to go out and be social and "free". He now wanted to sit and do nothing. His only passion is guns (which I do not share). I spoke with his family and found that he has always been that way. I feel like I got the "bait and switch".
I moved out temporarily, but wound up pregnant, and decided I needed to give the relationship a chance, so we moved back in and got married. I have been miserable. I have given up my/our social life (although that is my own fault, he encourages me to go out...alone, but then makes me feel guilt for doing so, and I find it easier to just stay home and not deal with the repercussions of going out). When he is out of town, I am happy, my friends enjoy my company, welcome my daughter and support me... but when he is home, I feel depressed.
I have tried talking to him, as I feel all relationships have issues that need to be addressed. I have a list of issues I think we need to work on, but if you ask him, we just don't have enough sex. Period.
I have talked his ear off more times than I can count. I have sat silently while he doesn't speak either. He simply claims he is not a talker, or a social person. He has tried to become one, but it just never seems to be enough, some people just aren't social (even with their wives).
We never argue, and we never have passionate conversations about anything. in the 8 years together I bet I can count of heated discussions and arguments on my fingers. I enjoy being passionate about topics and think the disagreements are what keep a marriage going. There is nothing that says you can't have a happy marriage when one person has feels like Vin Diesel is the best action hero and the other thinks Stallone could kick his a**! Simple things like that, we don't even have that. He avoids confrontation at ALL costs.
I feel like divorce is inevitable at this time. The longer I wait, the harder it will be on my daughter. He is already gone a lot of the time with the military anyway... so now is a good time. Instead of daddy being gone with the Army, Daddy is just gone to his house... but she can see him anytime she wants. It won't be 3 or 4 months between visits.
How much change can you ask a person to do before you have asked them to become a completely different person? I feel I have asked for enough change... I think I have mourned my relationship before it is even over. I have walked away before and he has not fought for me.. until weeks later. Last time I gave in... this time I will be strong.