I Just Want To Feel Desired Every Once In A While

I must just be feeling sorry for myself today but it should would be nice to feel desired by my wife.  I can't remember the last time she curled up next to me because she felt that need. These days its more of an obligation on selected dates of her choosing. You can't demand this feeling if it doesn't exist. Time has slowly voided her of those normally innate desire of physical intimacy.  It's not that she doesn't love me not care for me.  Life has just worn away these feelings.

When she looks directly at me and says she just can't respond that way anymore I try my best to understand and more importantly to be fair.  I try thinking a a 3rd party and it helps as long as I can remove myself from the situation.  Its an imbalance that reeks havoc in my own mind but for her... she doesn't give it much thought.  I need to just cope
PC2629 PC2629
56-60, M
9 Responses Mar 15, 2012

I'm in the same boat. I'm mostly to blame I think. My wife felt sexual ly neglected by me for years. we had job loss, financial struggles, I'm a recovered alcoholic by 8 years now, and I just didn't feel good enough for her at times. She wAntes intimacy in bed badly, do did I, but I struggled for a while. Don't get me wrong. I'm madly in love with her, always have been, and deeply attracted to her, always have been. We married young, straight out of high school, and it's been 18 years now. We have two beautiful young children, and we finally became stress free from finances and everything else about a year ago. We began having sex 4-7 times a week for about 6 months, sometimes, several times a day. I had never felt so desired by her. Then, it mellowed out and we seem to only be intimate in that way on sat and Sundays now. What happened? Now I find myself with an incredible sex drive, but I make all the advances. It's painful. I don't feel wanted that muvh anymore. I romance, take her on dates, dinners, lunches, buy flowers, make many attempts to tell her and show her how in love with her I still am, not for sex, but for to feel it in return. Even going to the gym 3 times a week to take better care of myself. I don't want yo be the one initiating the "I love you ", the sex, the affection all the time. I know she's always been faithful. I've never been worried about that. Just font understand... My confidence has never been lower, it's tearing me apart. I can't really talk to her about it, beca use she takes it all wrong. I honestly feel that if I had more affection. I love you, holding hands, hugs, kisses, etc... Maybe I wouldn't feel the need to justify reassurance with sex. Any words of wisdom out there?

Wanting to be desired is natural. Being the refused spouse in a sexless marriage is horrifically painful.

Again for me it's the act of intimacy, and my husband does not seem to understand this. I am refused over and over and the rare occasions it happens it is always on his terms. The worst part is I know he masturbates almost daily to **** and it's heartbreaking. He's having his needs met elsewhere, and so it goes on.

There has to be something else going on. You know he does? But I'm wondering why he would chose **** instead of you?

I am right there with you...<br />
Often, I ask myself what happened, what did I do? It would be nice to feel wanted by my husband once in a while instead I feel like it's this obligation or only because it's for his needs purely...if I even try to there seem to be plethora of excuses, it's late, Hes tired, I argued or irritated him about something...what do I do...I'm I good shape, attractive enough, sometimes i think perhaps he is gay, or just has a low sex drive...it's hard not to be sad every night...

I communicate with my husband fairly well. Explaining to him that it is hard to hoe that I can get "lucky" with him... He try's to desire me but for 10 years I feel that he is in love with who I am, not me. I get hit on by a lot of men, at 45 it seems that young men flock to me, older men flock to me, and men my age desire me but they are married so they flirt but they are married. I know that I am beautiful but the truth is all I want is for my husband to act like he thinks I am beautiful.

Friday was a complete washout and Saturday was disappointing!

can realte to this totally, i am feeling this way right now, goes on for weeks, felt the need to connect, no affection, no romance, its not really sex i am longing for but intimacy, the need to feel connected, the need to feel loved, desired, and appreciated.. i dont get it, even after sex i dont get it, because it becomes just once a week or once in two weeks routine, like an obligation and just a get over it quick thing.... i felt estranged, disconnected... no more rapport and desolate... i try to unwind by focusing on my kids and work and lots of house work but doesnt help, it only makes me feel more lonely and alone.

Things might be looking up because its Friday now.

I can relate to your situation. Sometimes I feel that I'm more of an inconvience for my husband when I want to snuggie or give him a gently kiss. He lets out this big sigh that hurts my heart because it sounds sooo painful for him.