Irritated!!!!

Sometimes I wonder why I try... It was soo nice to feel relaxed n free yesterday. My husband went camping with our boys n my daughter n I got to relax all day. I hate when my husband is home. Their seems to never be a happy medium with us.. I have been unhappy for many yrs now due to him not wanting to quit his pot habit n lack of trust n communication. Last night I got the whole bed to myself n it was great. I even slept good. Then this morning he comes home ringing the doorbell because he was to lazy to get his keys. I was hoping for some time to lay in bed n enjoy the morning for at least an hour before they got home. There was no kiss, no I missed you, no acknowledge of the rearranging on the living room n kitchen I did last night. All he can do is go right to work on the yard n avoid me.. I'm tired n irritated all the time.. We are suppose to be working on our relationship through therapy but the truth is I don't see any hope for us. I love being on my own! I know it would hurt to leave n I would eventually miss him just because I can't picture anything else after 10yrs but I know I would be fine. Then I have my kids to think about also. Whats best for them? Is it wrong to want to seperate for awhile just to see how we would do? I can't offically leave for 3yr anyway. I would have to get a good job n save up $$. right now I'm a housewife n expecting our 4th child. I'm at a point to where I don't know if I should keep trying to act happy n affectionate n give him (n possibly me) hope or I should just let go. I'm just so irriated today. thank you for listening anyway....
shadowoftheday shadowoftheday
31-35, F
May 6, 2012