Irritated!!!!

Sometimes I wonder why I try... It was soo nice to feel relaxed n free yesterday. My husband went camping with our boys n my daughter n I got to relax all day. I hate when my husband is home. Their seems to never be a happy medium with us.. I have been unhappy for many yrs now due to him not wanting to quit his pot habit n lack of trust n communication. Last night I got the whole bed to myself n it was great. I even slept good. Then this morning he comes home ringing the doorbell because he was to lazy to get his keys. I was hoping for some time to lay in bed n enjoy the morning for at least an hour before they got home. There was no kiss, no I missed you, no acknowledge of the rearranging on the living room n kitchen I did last night. All he can do is go right to work on the yard n avoid me.. I'm tired n irritated all the time.. We are suppose to be working on our relationship through therapy but the truth is I don't see any hope for us. I love being on my own! I know it would hurt to leave n I would eventually miss him just because I can't picture anything else after 10yrs but I know I would be fine. Then I have my kids to think about also. Whats best for them? Is it wrong to want to seperate for awhile just to see how we would do? I can't offically leave for 3yr anyway. I would have to get a good job n save up $$. right now I'm a housewife n expecting our 4th child. I'm at a point to where I don't know if I should keep trying to act happy n affectionate n give him (n possibly me) hope or I should just let go. I'm just so irriated today. thank you for listening anyway....
shadowoftheday shadowoftheday
31-35, F
1 Response May 6, 2012

OMG. I totally can relate to this...the only difference between you and i is that i work....but my husband controls the finances. I am to the point where i am starting to rezent him and i just want to be alone. I want to relax, chill, do what i want FOR ONCE without considering his feelings. It sounds harsh....but it's true. I have put everyone in my life before me and now it's my time. i hope i have the courage to leave and you should too if you feel this way. Just sort out your feelings because you are pregnant and that can really mess with your emotions.