I Just Don't Think I Can Be Married Anymore

My husband and I have been married for over 5 years now. We met under very strange circumstances. We got married 4 months after we met - at the justice of the peace - and it's all been downhill ever since. I had a drinking problem when I met him. He took me on, took care of me, did it all....then I got better. It's like he now resents the fact that I'm well now. I go to therapy every Tuesday, I see a psychaitrist monthly, and I am taking control of my life. I did not work for the first 3 years of our marriage ( i was in real bad shape), but he got laid off into our 3rd year and hasn't worked since. I am working everyday now, taking care of the both of us, and all he can do is blame me for all of his misfortunes. EVERYTHING is my fault. His credit is bad because of me, he can't get work because of me (yeah, right), and he is now over 5000.00 behind in child support and somehow that's my fault too. I pay every bill - his credit cards, his car ins, food, rent, etc....the only thing I refuse to do is pay his child support. She is almost 18, she's not my child, and it is not my responsibility to pay it. It's not that I'm cold, it's just the point of it all. She's his child, his responsibility. It is hard for me to even look at my husband anymore. I am so disgusted in what he has become. He sleeps all day, and anytime he does wake up, he has to take a hit of weed to get back to sleep. He is a chronic pot smoker, he takes morphene (abuses it) and has no motivation in life anymore. I want to leave and move forward, but I feel so guilty. I know he has nowhere to go, and I could never live with myself if I left him to fend for himself. It's almost like I feel like I owe him. But I know I have more than made up for all my mishaps. I can't even get myself to touch him anymore. He complains all the time about me not "being in the mood", but I just can't get myself there anymore. How do I know when enough is enough? When it's time to just break free - not worrying about how you may make the other person feel, and just worry about yourself?
rockydocky rockydocky
36-40, F
May 9, 2012