Well Pickled Yet To Be Preserved

Am marred in my marriage. 8 years of agony, insult etc etc. Mine was a second marriage and when I met her thought that there will be a life now, got married and the situation changed. every day become a pain and punishment for me. have a daughter so am being harrassed, insulted and ignored everyday since the last seven years.
Twice tried to commite sucide but didnot die. My day starts with me making a cup of tea for me and if she has her mood she gives me BF else i eat out. During the day she calls me every now and than call names, While she says she wants to leave me but when i say ok she changes her stand. this is not all she has been calling my subordinates and as of today am a loner. have become a addicte to Alchol and don't know the way out as the laws of the country are all in her favour.
She used to potray that i do not take care of them. To counter this I started paying her by cheque.
Than she started by saying I am womenizing. To counter this I drive 125 Km every day.
Than she started saying i am not organized and I insult her. I started keeping quiet and never react to anything thats wrong in the house.
Now she starts with any of the above point and keeps on calling till the time I don't loose my temper or i switch off my phone.
If i switch of my phone the next call she makes is to my subordinates and starts insulting them
Otherwise she will start with the kid and if i intervene, she starts shouting " there is no need of sending her to school" etc/ etc.

On phone she says that she does not want to continue but in person she creates a Pendemonium if i talk.
Am lost and lonely, my world now is my car and the music, am waiting for the day when I will actually see the light and smile again. Otherwise am a dead man, transformed into a machine who runs a race everyday to pay the price of marriage.
romaks romaks
41-45, M
May 18, 2012