Is My Husband Self-centered. Or Am I Just To Demanding?

First of all I apologize to the long story but I really need help. I think I'm losing it. So thank you for reading and your advice.

My husband and I have both done therapy before. But It never really got us anywhere. I have tried talking to my husband about his out busts and the screaming at me. It is embarrasing because i think the neighbours can hear us. I have been very accommodating. I really can't live with such nagitiity. He say he loves me and that we are equals but he treats me like junior. He doesn't want to take direction from me. Almost every time I try to advise him he would try to find my flaws and discredit me by turning the whole thing around. But I can honestly say I am not like him .when he speaks to me I am really interested in what he has to say. Because I want us to be friends. I want us to connect at a deeper and mental/speritual level.

For the past two years he has been calling me lazy and stupid. This is partly true. Since our son was born I have been a little lazy to get up and do stuff. I was pregnant during college and had just moved to a new country. There was a lot going on at once. At the time my husband was really sweet and supportive. But I could see then some of his controlling and uncompromising traits. They just had not come out until after the birth of my son.

You see the difference between my husband and I is that. I know and acknowledge my flaws. And I say them to his face and say honey I know I need to work on this. But he almost can do NO WRONG. I dont expect him to start saying honey i am wrong you are right that would be in vein. I would like for him to take accountability and realize that we are in this together. When he points a finger at me he should point one back at himself. Because he isnt perfer, noone is. This way we can begin the healing process.I think he has forgotten that I am individual and that I have my own personal interest. He wants to do certain things in life and I have been going along with what he wanted. You see, he us currently the bread winner and I am just a student. This is what we had agreed on before living together that he will take care of us while I study. Maybe it's too much for him. But he doesn't talk to me about it.

The issue here is that, I a feel trapped. When i first met him i was a young proffesstional. I had dreams and ambition. Now I am not allowed to work. Because school is more important and that we are payimg so much money for it. I am not allowed to persue my interests. Like, I play guitar and I want to go into music , but sadly i am not supported on this. I am don't cook dinner as a mother and wife would for her family, this is because my husband does not eat vegetables and does not like my cooking. I have tried cooking without veges and cook what he likes. I feel am not appreciated as a mommy to our two year old. He is more of a mommy than me. He is constantly fighting my decisions. Don't get me wrong I like that he is involved in our sons development. But I feel he is not giving me a chance to be the mother. I read book about parenting and try to discuss this with him but he either tunes out, giving me blank stares or just gets annoyed and saying that I am lecturing him. My husband works as a consultant So basically I follow him everywhere as he travels away for several months at a time. I am not allowed to take part time work. Basically I am good for nothing.

We live in his home country where we are surrounded by his family and friends. I don't have a single family member except for him and our son. His country is not the friendliest place for foreigners, they say they that are, but the government is making it difficult for us. I can be kicked out anytime. He keeps saying to me that I will never be happy anywhere else. How does he know this we haven't any lived anywhere else except briefly in my home country. Of which he never wants go back to visit. All the big decisions revolve around him. Don't get me wrong.. he gives me all I need material wise. But money cant buy happiness as the saying goes. He calls me selfish and I am starting to this he is the selfish and uncompromising one. He decides where to go on holiday. He makes it seem as I have made the decision by manipulating my thought process. Either that its too expensive or the place I want to visit is too far or something. We are growing more and more part, but for some reason he has managed to convience himself that we are happy. I mean seriously...The man can't stand the kind of music I listen to. He literally goes mental. We discuss a documentary or a piece of writing or even play wii together. He only wants to do what he knows and isn't willing to try anything. I been to wrestling matches with him and I have even watch it at home with him, even football!!! And get me started on our FRIENDS!

I just want to feel sane again.I want to feel important again. Like when I was a young proffessional. I want to feel useful again, instand of lazy, bitter and sad. Please HELP. The sad this is that he tells himself that all is ok. Every time we kiss or have sex, smile at each other he forgets that we still have our demons to battle then we start back at one. I can't leave him, he is the father of my child and I honestly love him and I am a little afraid to leave him because I don't think I will see my son again. Right now he is that big and I am that small and feel it everyday. I spend all day in bed and I don't do much in the house, I don't feel like taking care of our son, I just dont feel like living anymore. Is this weird? I feel I have been ******** dry. I can't study anymore and I hate everything around me. He has been incharge for so long and he has been pushing me to be something I am not and now he has pushed me away. Half the time I don't like my husband. I am depressed or is it all in my head? I want to pick me up and put myself together. I want to have my spirit back. I used to have some good in me. I don't know how to love or be loved anymore. I might as well have sold my soul to the devil. I cant stand another day in this country. I wanna go home. Atleaset for a little while. You know i told my husband i want to do my internship in my home counry, he immidiately got upset. I feel i am dragging him back. He has recently turned 40 and he wants to do businesses and focus on his career. What can I do?
Starchily Starchily
1 Response May 18, 2012

All those thoughts are in your heart and in your head. That's OK because God gave you thoughts and feelings. He has thoughts and feelings to.It seems like you don't share the same thoughts a feelings. I'm sure many couples are at odds such as this. You sound as if you need him to give up some of himself to include you. Men tend to have the idea that the woman do all the emotional adjusting. Their mothers should have handled that.You are a wife not his mom. You are a woman not a man. You are human. It's OK to feel as you do and act on it. It's OK not to feel or act. I DO KNOW ONE THING YOU MUST VALIDATE YOU, LEND HIM THE OPPORTUNITY TO FOLLOW YOUR LEAD WITH THAT. If he doesn't catch on then be satisfied with your observation. Leave his ***. Hold on to the marriage but physically leave run to the comfort of home. If he love s you he will be forced to change.