If I Could Afford To Leave, I Would

My husband and I have only been married for a little under 2 years, together for nearly 5. We have a 3 year old son together and a child each from previous relationships (my step daughter stays every other weekend).

Anyway, we've been having problems for about a year now. I suffered from a lot of abdominal problems for a few months, back and forth to the doctors with different IBS medication, when I was finally diagnosed with an STD. I haven't been unfaithful, and we'd been together for 4 years by the time I got the correct treatment, which, I was advised by the doctor, was highly unlikely that I would've had it for that long without having symptoms before. So that was all the proof I needed that my husband had cheated on me.

He denied it of course, still does to this day, and I just can't get passed it. To make things worse I found lots of **** websites on his iPad history (yes I know I shouldn't have been snooping but I knew something was going on) he also denies this, blaming it on his work mates (yeah right!)

I've been a full time mum since 2005 and have no savings. So leaving isn't an option until my son starts school in September 2013 when I can find a full time job and afford to rent my own place. I'm just so fed up, I don't want to be near him, I don't want him to touch me. The thought of having to wait over a year to be able to say how I really feel and be able to leave is driving me insane.

Anyway, sorry for the rant, I just needed to get it out!
Lollie01 Lollie01
22-25, F
7 Responses May 19, 2012

So many of us are staying for financial reasons. In my case I feel that is what is best for my kids. We have a nice house, vehicles, trailer, big back yard etc. etc. and if we divorce we will not have all of that and my kids will have to live in an apartment. My biggest fear would be having to let him be with the kids alone if we were divorced because I don't trust him to take care of them properly or keep them safe. Oh this sucks :( Part of me is still hoping this is a phase and that the love will magically reappear......but I am being naive....

Thank you guys for your support and advice. It really helps to know that I'm not the only one secretly saving and planning to leave. I feel guilty that my husband thinks everything is fine and that he has no idea how I feel. He's he one in the Erin and yet I feel guilty! <br />
<br />
I've been trying to find a part time job so that I can start paying off my debts and start saving so that when I can finally leave, I'll have the money to do it. But ts very hard to find a job when my son is only at pre school for 3 hours in the mornings and my husband works in London and is a manager so he doesn't have set hours because of meetings and stuff so it's really difficult to find an evening job too when I can't say what time I could start.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I will remain positive that I will get out one day, it won't be soon but it will happen. <br />
<br />
Thanks again xx

You have made it this far, you can hold on just a little longer. Try and make money other ways. Odds and ends or any trades you may have. Have you heard of Suze Orman's Women and Money? I've just started back to work part time and am very excited about claiming my independence. Stay positive and keep venting. I know it helps.

I knew I was in a terrible marriage two months after I got married. It is now three years later, and I'm finally leaving. I made a plan at that two month point and even though it has taken me three years to carry out my plan, I'm leaving. So, know that it takes time, but don't give up on your hope to leave...just put your plan in action.

Me too. But he keeps blackmailing me and it's so horrible. All the abuse. He's lost our home 3x and I can't take anymore. He forgot he took his vows and I kept them, I go to dinner with an old friend and it ruins my life. Dinner that'/s it. He tells my kids I cheated the whole marriage and having one right then. He told me if I tried to leave he'd destroy me. He truly did. Destroyed my business, my credibility and reputation with family, friends and community. Everyone either pittys me or is disgusted by me. I have saved this family and brought us back from being ruined by him so many times. I can't no longer. I am too tired and I am out of tricks. I can't even get a job thanks to all his schemes, lies and so much more evil scenereos. We are living with my Monster in Laws for the third time and they absolutely hate me. Told me to my face. One x I had a huge bruise on my face and I overheard her gossiping about it on the phone saying I deserved it because I put too many demands on him. Do you believe that? He lies so much. So I am stuck. I stay in a bedroom that is 9x9. Pretty much day in and day out. I go out for a drink. Maybe lunch. But then they start degrading me and my deceased parents. Tell me I have to get rid of my dogs or move out. Sell them for money. They know I can get money for my Maltese. I am not selling my dog. They kicked me out before I'll gladly leave again. For good this time. Im fat and ugly, lazy, lousy wife and mother. Because of me my kids are left behind. It goes on and on.<br />
So Loubie Lou get out as fast as you can. Don'T be like me and waste the best years of your life being sad, lonely and miserable. Life is to short. I know from experience. <br />
I may never find any happiness.

Honey I understand completely. My reality came just 6 weeks after I had my first child. At my 6 weeks check up, the doctor said we have a problem. She explained I had a cyst that was a std. The only way I got it must have been my husband because it wasn't there in previous exams. I was devistated. While I couldn't have intercourse or risk early delivery, the I can't say, couldn't wait to have intercourse. So he went elsewhere. Here I am carrying his first child and he's out getting his jollies. I'm fighting to hold on to our baby to deliver healthy. Nice. Everytime I tried to leave he would pull something, and I would end up staying. Finally after many years I may be able to go. Good luck honey.

That's awful, made so much worse by the fact you were pregnant! How do they live with themselves?! I wish you luck in being able to leave! X

Just keep your head up. Eventually everything will be better.

Thank you, I hope so, sooner rather than later hey