My Husband Just Confessed He's Been Unhappy For A Long Time!

About a year ago my husband and I started having problems and it all started because he felt bad about himself and hated his job, so he basically started going out frequently, drinking, coming home late and acting distant and unhappy. Basically he neglected his wife and two children. He is 38, and I am 39. We have been married 8 years and have a 6 and 7 year old. Last year, it got so bad, his neglect (emotional and physical) that I gathered my two kids and left him one night. Well, he convinced me to come home and said that he would change. He told me he was feeling bad about himself, depressed, and he hates his job, to the point he wanted to kill himself. The only thing keeping him from it is the kids.
Fast forward a year later, I noticed a change in his behavior. He seems down and unhappy again. He is not going out like he did last year. Anyway, a weekend ago, we got a babysitter to watch the kids for the day to have time alone. I noticed he was not all there at times, but he was trying. So, a couple of days after that I decided to text him to ask if things were ok with us, etc., and that he seemed unhappy and distant. He texted back saying that he's been unhappy for a long time but it makes no difference. That he has made choices in his life and commitments that he's made a point to be a priority. And that he is just trying to grasp whatever little happiness comes his way while trying to fulfill his obligations. And that he does not want to say anything more right now...or any more at all if it were up to him. He ended the text by saying that he thinks he may have said too much anyway.
I replied asking him if he was depressed or just unhappy with me. And asked him if he loved me. He replied to my text by saying that he did love me and the kids. He said he did not have any love for himself. My reply to this was that the kids and I loved him so much and that whenever he was ready to talk about it I am going to be there for him.
I am so scared. I don't know if he's thinking of killing himself. What do I do? He does not like to open up to anyone.
pinklady40 pinklady40
36-40, F
5 Responses May 22, 2012

Please contact to me, I assure you will get solution of your problems.

" And that he is just trying to grasp whatever little happiness comes his way while trying to fulfill his obligations."<br />
<br />
He just told you he is having an affair. He is miserable because he recognizes he has children and a marriage that he cannot leave. These are the 'obligations" standing in the way of his happiness. He concluded, correctly, that he may already have said too much, because you should have been able to figure that out from what he was saying.<br />
If he suddenly stopped going out late at night it may well be that this affair he has reached a crisis, and possibly even ended - at least temporarily (possibly because of his refusal to abandon "his obligations").<br />
<br />
In any case, since you are communicating with him through text messages instead of actual conversations it is clear that your marriage is in trouble and may even be irreparable, regardless of the status of his affair.<br />
<br />
You two need to confront the affair and his depression with the help of a marriage therapist who will get you communicating properly again. You can then at least deal with whether or not the marriage is salvageable.

Prozac is a very old and trusted med. $4.00 a month at Walmart and a drug that you do not have to report to insurance or your next doctor so there is no medical history. Everyone needs a little boost from time to time.

Sometimes people take on "safe" people for their life companions only to grow up and realize who they really are later in life. Hold on and in the end it will be okay.

I don't understand....we married in our thirties...I think we we waited to marry and have children. In my previous relationship we were together for 6 years when we realized we were not meant to be....we were not old enough to drink when we met. My husband had opened up to me briefly when we started dating about sometimes having depression. This depression is something he's had for a long time and it is now worse because its been untreated for so long and also the stresses of everyday life, marriage, children, work, bills, etc.

Just be there and love him and support him. He is one lucky man!!! Be happy that he told you the truth. He had not spoke too much. He's crying out for help.